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#1
Jan 24, 2006, 12:11 AM
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sexually abused or rape.
I also cannot verbally say " it wasnt my fault" I will do anything to avoid this, I will even throw temper tantrums if someone tries to make me. Its weird how the mind can create such a STRONG impression of something like a word. Strong enough to even make that sort of reaction. does anyone else have this? |
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#2
Jan 24, 2006, 12:30 AM
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yes. can't stand hearing it or saying it. feel this sudden and immense hatred for anyone who says it to me. just want to smack them in their mouth.
and the other, the not my fault. my t back in 96', that was his big thing. say it. believe it. hated him for it. can't watch movies or read books about it. just go completely insane. have panic attacks and nightmares. thanks for posting that. nice to know i'm not alone.
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#3
Jan 24, 2006, 01:51 AM
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I used to have this problem too. The way I did it I first would write it out . the first few times all I could get out on paper was r and over time it bacame the complete word then I wrote that word over and over and over until I was so used to seeing the word as I wrote it I started saying each letter as I wrote it. then as I did it so much I wrote it faster still saying each letter until finally about two months after starting it I was able to say the complete word. then I kept saying that word out loud every time I was alone. Then when I was used to that I added the sentence by doing the same process over again for the words I was raped. in a few weeks I could stand in front of my therapist and say the sentence without even a blush or quicken heartbeat.
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#4
Jan 24, 2006, 12:51 PM
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I blush furiously and have pounding heart when I even say the words. The only time I didn't was with my ex-T, Mike. My heart quickened abit, but I could actually tell him what happened, I don't know why I had no problem saying it to him. =/
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#5
Jan 24, 2006, 06:35 PM
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I can say some words. I can say every terrifying detail. I can do all of that. But to say the words, "it wasn't my fault" are impossible! I've said them to satisfy my T, but in my head I'm screaming "it was, it was, it was!"
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"When they discover the center of the universe, a lot of people will be disappointed to discover they are not it." -Bernard Bailey |
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#6
Feb 02, 2006, 09:22 PM
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yes to both and much much more.
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#7
Feb 07, 2006, 01:48 AM
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I still find myself thinking I did something to deserve those two males stealing my innocence at age thirteen...and I still cannot forgive those two for what they did made it so that I don't let any other males get close....Sorry if I triggered anyone, but I had to say what's been a long time coming...I'm a fortysomething and I still have nightmares about it.
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I am worthwhile no matter what others think of me! |
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