Hate the holidays

**very triggering**

"Family togetherness," my ***!

All I remember from holiday breaks as a child are bad things. Emotional abuse, physical abuse, sexual abuse, to some extent ritual abuse...I hate the holiday season.

My dad abused me every way he could, he r*ped me, he told me by doing so, he made me unlovable. He made me split. He started touching me when I was 4 years old. Who looks at a toddler and thinks "I'd tap that?" WTH? I have at least 18 in my system, including me...and almost every single split is because of him. Not all of them, but a lot of them. He told me if I wasn't a good girl, d*mons would take my soul and take me to h*ll. My parents are very big "Christians," always big on "honor your father and mother," etc. They just never practiced what they preached, I guess.

My younger sister abused me, too, she nearly k*lled me several times (in front of my parents--always chalked up to "sibling rivalry")...and the worst part with that is that we've been told it was our fault (by a T, no less) because she was "younger." Yes, how dare I not fight back against someone who acted like a maniac and could beat the s*** out of me.

My mother abused me...and really neglected me, the only form of physical comfort I remember in my childhood really is being m*lested. She always betrays me in any way she can...

Thought living with my aunt would be better, but she's emotionally abusive and makes excuses for any tiny thing I bring up about my parents, including being bruised for a week from a "spanking." I'm sorry, there is no excuse for that. She makes all our little alters upset, and actually made us split again. At age 23. I did not know that was possible.

Just...awful, and the holidays coming up make it worse, because we're expected to smile and be cheerful and be like "yay family!" when we'd rather say "f**k off to h*ll, family!" And yet we can't cut off all contact with them yet because like it or not, we're still dependent on them to some extent. -sighs- Although at least I'm actively working on that one. Soon...hopefully. :3

Acting like nothing is wrong, is common in dysfunctional families unfortunately.

Well, I thought I hated holidays & family stuff. Wow. I don't understand how you can still function. You write about such awful trauma ... obviously you are doing something right in dealing with your situation. Are you?

I hope to be around when you announce your total independence from that family!

Holidays for me have always brought up memories that still haunt me today, I hope you will be safe this coming holiday

Maybe I am lucky because I don't remember any holidays....

I'm sorry that you have been through so much. I do understand hating the holidays because even though I don't remember them, I still hate them.

Hi Morgana, I'm so sorry that you had to experience all of that. You certainly deserved better. I wish you luck in escaping from this toxic family. You have a plan?