[bluemountains]

I have posted details of my childhood of abuse in the past, sexually from my oldest brother; sexually, physically, and neglected from my father; and neglected by my mother.
I was diagnosed many years ago as clinically depressed, also having hypothyroidism-a possible cause at least partially of the depression. I have a drinking problem-not how often, but how much I drink when given the opportunity. All of these problems are the same as my mother and grandmother had.
I am currently being treated with medication and therapy.
Now my therapist, a clinical psychologist, is questioning my diagnosis. Other symptoms I have have make her believe that I should be evaluated for bp. Already one of my children is on this spectrum, but what really triggers me into a panic is that my father has this diagnosis.
I consider the abuse I suffered from my father the worst part of my childhood. I can handle having the same diagnosis as my mother-even the drinking problem, but the idea that I may have also inherited any mental illness from my father is unacceptable to me.
My father is a broken old man now, who is treated with medications for mental problems as well as many other illnesses, and I can live with the person he is when treated, although I will not allow my children to be around him for any extended length of time. The comments he makes are still inappropriate and many times of a sexual nature.
The doc didn't understand my panic and anger yesterday when she discussed this possibility with me-as she said, if this is the case I might only need to adjust medications. Since we have not yet spent much time on past abuse I couldn't "go there" with the real reasons, and also my session was just about over.
I am so tired of being a product of so many mental illnesses that it is hard to choose from the right one! I just want to go on with who I am accepting myself to be now, and not have to deal with another problem my father has given me.

Bluemountains

I can sympathize. I've had so many labels and diagnoses. Everything from Bipolar (which was a definite misdiagnosis) to Asperger's (not confirmed.) What's the point of another label? My therapist agrees for the most part. He doesn't really care if I have Borderline PD, or PD-NOS, or some new classification they're just about to define in the DSM-V. He doesn't care whether it's specifically Major Depressive Disorder, or Dysthymia, or what. He doesn't even think I should bother about the Asperger's, since its confirmation would not change my treatment whatsoever. All that counts is, "These are my symptoms. Here are the best treatments and coping strategies to manage them." What does it matter which name we give that particular set of symptoms?

[Sannah]

I agree, what gets you better is working through what happened to you and doing that childhood development that didn't get done earlier.

Yes, these illnesses have a genetic component but they also need the environment to develop. I think that the vast majority of people from a dysfunctional home will develop some mental illness, which one depends on genetics IMO. I think that with the right therapy that any mental illness can be beat back quite well.

The NY Times has just recently been doing a series on Schizophrenia where very high functioning people with this diagnosis (including pdocs) have been unraveling what it really is. They have discovered that their hallucinations have rhyme and reason to them. Their hallucinations are them working out traumas which have happened to them like bullying etc. One more piece of evidence for me that all mental illnesses can be unraveled.

As for Bipolar, all the folks who I have met who have this diagnosis never learned how to manage their emotions while growing up. No wonder they whipp back and forth. I swear I think that this illness can be brought way under control this therapy.

[bluemountains]

Thanks LovesbirdsFlying and Sannah for the words of wisdom! I sent my t an email and asked that we not explore this now, and she said that this is fine.

I agree, Lovebirds, that diagnoses really don't matter, appropriate treatment does. My big fear is that my father found another way to break me, through genetics this time! I am stronger after thinking about it though because I have achieved so much in my life, on my own.

Sannah, thank you for sharing your research. I find it very positive that healing is indeed possible, and can possibly be measured!

Bluemountains

[PurpleFlyingMonkeys]

That's rough, I hate when the doctors try and change my dx over and over. I've been diagnosed with every disease in the book it seems and none of them really describe me to a t so I sense that this problem will continue throughout the remainder of my life. None the less, it doesn't matter what name you are given, it matters what you do with your life. Just because your father and yourself possibly have the same disease, in no way means you are anything like him. These diseases effect everyone differently to a degree and the real determination on whether or not you are like him are your actions. And the fact that you are so concerned about becoming your father shows you likely will not become anything like him. We have the power to chose our own paths, we may not have the power to chose our own minds but with our minds we can chose our own paths and as long as we continue to try and positively contribute to our lives and the lives around us, we wont be anything like our abusers no matter what names are given to us.
There are many wonderful people on here with BP. It's a hard diagnosis to swallow, and it can cause a lot of distress in life, but it does not make you your father and will never make you your father as long as you continue to see his mistakes and chose not to make them yourself. All the best to you on your journey and please remember BP is just a name, the symptoms are the problem and as long as you continue to fight to be different than your father, you will never be like him

Originally Posted by PurpleFlyingMonkeys

....as long as you continue to fight to be different than your father, you will never be like him

That speaks to me. I didn't want to accept having a mental illness at all. I didn't want to have anything to do with psychiatrists or pills. Because my father was mentally ill, and I didn't want to be like him. Or admit it.

Then one day I realized, seeing a doctor and taking meds make me exactly the opposite of my father. Because he didn't do that.

[bluemountains]

We have the power to chose our own paths, we may not have the power to chose our own minds but with our minds we can chose our own paths and as long as we continue to try and positively contribute to our lives and the lives around us, we wont be anything like our abusers no matter what names are given to us.

Wow Purpleflyingmonkies!
You wrote such wonderful words! Thank you. I know in my heart I am a completely different person, but, like Lovebirdsflying, I find it so difficult to accept my mental illness, no matter what label. I am so angry that I have inherited these traits from both parents, now it seems.
Thank you for your support.
Bluemountains

[Sannah]

I think that we all go through the anger at our parents stage. As we keep working on ourselves and allowing our angry feelings, they pass.