[BlackCanary]

If you are considering telling someone about inappropriate adult conduct with you when you were a kid, then here's my experience:

I made an anonymous report with my therapist's support, while I was at her office. I give myself a "thumbs up" on this post because I was brave.

I called the school where he works now - I contacted a social worker and she got an administrator who could formally take my report. I told them what he did to me.

It was 30 years ago, at a different school. But I doubt he stopped with me. I did not remember his name or know where he was teaching until 2 mo ago, but once I knew where he was then I had to say something.
Now that this school knows about him, I truly hope that this protects another girl from him. I hope they are able to locate a current/recent student who he hurt - so that she can get help AND so that he can be fired, face a criminal charge. I'll consider going public if that occurs.

An anonymous report was best for me and my current situation. Since it had been so many years, and I was 16 (age of consent in that state), it is not a police matter for me - but the school's police "resource" officer was told.

Afterward I felt horrendously sad. Now I am starting to feel angry. I feel like I am not alone in having this bad thing happen to me, and not alone in telling as a way of getting some justice for kids who are being harmed by bad adults. I think that the more people who tell their story, the problem will get attention.

[kasva]

good for you!! a huge thumbs up!!
i called the police about my being raped at 10 by a 16 year old.....many years after the fact. and sadly they told me he was not an adult at the time so the statue of limitations ran out. but, you know, i felt better after calling the cops in my old home town of 2,000 people. maybe they will keep an eye on him.
thank you for posting.........................kasva

[lynn P.]

You're very brave and definitely deserve a thumbs up. I'm so sorry this happened to you. Even though you were 16, you were abused and this was so wrong - it wasn't consensual. I agree victims should speak up so more victims won't get abused. Even in my county there was a case a couple years ago of a high school teacher who did this to a few girls.

[googley]

Good Job!

It shows so much strength that you told about what happened to you. You have every right to feel any emotion that comes up.

Good job speaking out. It is a really hard thing to do and you did it. You should feel proud of yourself for doing that.

[JLarissaDragon]

Abuse regardless of when or how it occurs leaves an indelible imprint on the heart and soul of the victim. As a survivor, I can testify that one never forgets, even though I have long since forgiven him and the others who did little or nothing to protect me

If the abuser is a teacher it needs to be investigated and appropriate action taken. With kids, the laws of most states require people in supervisory authority to report it. Failure to do so can mean the loss of a teaching license.

Unfortunately it appears that your case was a long time ago, so I doubt that the authorities can do much, but if you were not his only victim let's hope other kids will come forward.

You did the right thing. You were very brave. I really hope and pray that you will find healing as you work with your therapist.

[BlackCanary]

I want to add that I'm overdue to call a local women's program that has a hotline and support groups for victims of sexual assault. I know that my therapist can provide support, but I don't see her very often anymore. She also knows that this hotline is staffed with volunteers who have excellent training in the specific topic that I'm dealing with, and they are available 24 hr a day. The therapist is not easily accessible, since she is always 100% booked for the next 8 weeks - and she only works at the same time that I am at work.
I will probably call the hotline tonight - still feel bad, still feel angry. Broadly angry at men.
Thanks for your support of me in taking action

[BlackCanary]

Hey, a follow up - it has been about a month.
I've had a very difficult time with the feelings. With so much going on in December, I never really could melt down into my grief and anger.

It happens a tiny bit at a time, mostly at the therapist's office which is not very often. Otherwise I tend to feel lots of pain in my body-chest. Not feeling resilient. :-(

I want to send a letter to the bad teacher to tell him the impact of what he did to me. I want to tell him that I told on him, anonymously - but of course he knows who I am, I am not anonymous to him. When I shared this plan with my therapist, she asked me to NOT do this. Turns out that since I accidently gave her name as a contact, the school system thought she was the one reporting the incident and the legal dept. got involved. SO then I felt like crap about that, creating a huge issue for her.

Telling is not easy - even though I'm not talking to police or lawyers, this is still a big challenge to my mental and emotional state.

[needfixing]

don't let your feelings get in the way of telling the truth.

in my eyes you are a hero, you stopped this animal from hurting anyone else.

GOOD FOR YOU!

[roads]

Yep, you are a hero, and who knows who you may be helping/saving down the road. I'm so glad what you're doing for you, especially.

[BlackCanary]

thanks you all - I had to do it so that if there are others then they will be believed (at least by me). I felt like I was as ready as I could be, in terms of having enough support and personal strength. And with Penn State in the news last month, I knew it was a good time to tell since the school would have heightened awareness of the impact of just covering it up.

I do have to take care of me. Since my therapist can't see me so often, I do have to do this myself. I have a friend at work who knows and totally understands (sigh, 1 in 4) so I'll go to lunch with her. I hope to have a nice chat with my minister this week, she is also supportive.

survive and thrive together