[Trippin2.0]

My (younger) brother treats me like crap. I'm older by 6 yrs, but he's big and downright mean and tries to impose his will on me,my mom and daughter daily...

Last night he went off at me for something trivial. (I turned down a sandwich bcoz he wasn't done eating,and made me something else)

He's manipulative,condescending, and always makes me look bad.
Just to be clear I'm N0T the timid type, and I verbally attack right back. But the thing is, he makes me feel small and powerless and I hate it he's constantly belittling me.

My mom does nothing. Why? Bcoz he's calm and uses proper English when he's insulting me. Me? I get loud,and hysterical and use bad language, so I GET PUT ON MY PLACE

Idk if it's relevant, but I was molested by a family member as a child, and I have issues with stuff, gosh I don't even know what , cos I don't want therapy, but I know I can't stand people demanding things or making me feel small or stupid!!

I want to cause him grievious bodily harm, i'm sick of him talking down to me and treating me like some half breed. I'm sick and tired of his self-righteous BS.

But I can't leave, unemployed and stuck at home. It hurts

I don't think this is abuse, but I thought the posters here could maybe offer some hugs or advice as 'powerless' is something you might be able to relate to.

I'm sorry you are stuck with this person. I think people that use their intelligence as weapons are stupid. Big fish eat small fish. People who act smarter than they are, become targets for the big intelligence people. They will get consumed by their own stupidity with noone to blame but themselves. Just be yourself. Trying to be someone besides yourself will get you a ticket to loony ville. I don't recomend that trip.

[needfixing]

i can totally relate to this.
i too was molested by my cousin and it wasn't dealt with properly until 8 years ago, but thats another story.
anyway i am the youngest, and my brothers do the exact same thing! but i took after my dad, so i am the calm one.
i make them look foolish by not saying anything, but when it blows up in there faces i am the first one to say you reap what you sow.
could you live with another family member? or friend?

[Callmebj]

Trippin, Is there any possibility of your getting a job and getting a break from the homelife for 8 hours a day? Being together with family on a constant basis has got to be abrasive at times. Feeling powerless can be changed with empowering yourself with a salary and some independence. Think of having your own car, and being able to walk away from these bad situations when needed. Don't get stagnant in this powerless mode; I noticed you are in your upper 20s, that's unusual to be unemployed.

I know some folks have been deeply traumatized by life, likely you have, but you really can't always use that trauma to skip out on life's need to accomplish for yourself. You obviously have many years ahead of you, so hope you will take a positive approach to stop the aggravation you are undergoing at present. Wishing you well. bj

[pbutton]

Originally Posted by Trippin2.0

Just to be clear I'm N0T the timid type, and I verbally attack right back. But the thing is, he makes me feel small and powerless and I hate it he's constantly belittling me.

I want to cause him grievious bodily harm,

I can relate to ALL of the above. I haven't quite figured out how to deal with it yet though.

[Trippin2.0]

Thanks everyone, your responses are comforting.

Bj, I was retrenched last year after the company closed and so far have only managed getting a 3month contract. Jobs are quite scarce even tho I have quite a bit of experience. I am actively job searching tho, and i BELIEVE I'll get 1 soon.

Once again, thank you. I will try being cool,calm and collected

[Open Eyes]

(((((Trippen))))
I think you defintely picked the right forum to vent your struggle. From what your describing here in your post, you are definitely in an abusive atmosphere. All the emotions your expressing are exactly how any person being abused feels. So please be aware of that. I can relate as others do here that it is extremely difficult to be around another person who seems to need POWER and CONTROL and can be extremely condescending as well as gain a certain control over other familly members.
I am very much myself suffering from that type of abuse and I can't even hear my sister's voice without being deeply effected.

I am very concerned about your anger here. It is not healthy for you to keep that emotion locked up inside you like this. Your expressing some troubling desires for lashing out in ways that are to cause physical harm to others. I honestly don't think that you deserve to feel that much anger. I strongly recommend you make every effort to find a way to get out of that home as much as possible as Callmebj says here. Even if you have to take a job that is of a lower level position than your used to, it gives you a sense of personal power and a path to get out of that situation.

Yes, I can see that you DO have a lot of anger and NO you don't want your brother to control you. But by allowing him to get you to fight back is only FEEDING his sick ego. In other words, that is what he wants you to do. So, what you truely have to learn how to do is NOT give him what he wants by walking away from his negetive words that are abusive. Think of him in your mind as a CHILD that is displaying BAD behavior to gain ATTENTION. The answer to a child that expresses that behavior is to NOT REWARD HIM WITH ANY ATTENTION. That is clearly something your mother NEVER learned how to effectively present in her parenting skills.

To be honest, that is what I do with my sister and believe me, it can be hard. My sister tries to control my parents and present me with, if I want to celebrate holidays with them I have to GO TO "HER" HOUSE. Well, I DON'T GO and I also WILL " NOT" PICK UP THE PHONE AND TALK WITH HER. That is what you have to do with people who insist on CONTROL. Do NOT give your brother any more rights to YOU. And that includes giving him POWER over you that results in you ONLY BEING FULL OF UNPRODUCTIVE ANGER. From now on Trippin, you must remember that the anger part that you experience is because you are actually allowing your SICK brother to put it there. That is not fair or productive for you, YOU DESERVE BETTER THAN THAT.
YOU deserve to walk away the better and healthier one, to RISE above HIS issues and NOT make his issues, YOUR issues. Hey, I know it isn't easy to do this, I have to work at this myself. It has effected how I react to others that TRIGGER the abuse I have suffered from my sister. Honestly, you DONT want that, so begin now to work on learning how to WALK away from ANY interactions that present that UNHEALTHY reaction that is presenting itself in YOU.

Open Eyes

[Trippin2.0]

Thanks Open Eyes. I will definitly take the advice you all have offered, I can see how it would defuse the volatile atmosphere, and I will most definitly leave ASAP.

Anger comes so easy to me it's as easy as laughter, and the only way I know how to defuse it, is to cry instead...
That being said, I will do my best to not let him push my angry button, when he starts his next tirade I'll just leave, then he can look stupid for ranting by himself

Thanks to all of you, you've been most helpful, it's really WAY more than I bargained for when I posted

[Open Eyes]

You know what Trippin, I am glad you posted this concern here. I think it was time for you to recognize that what your experiencing IS abuse. I think you NEED support with this troubling situation.

When you say that anger comes easily to you, that really speaks volumes, and it tells me that you have struggled with this abuse way too long.

I honestly think that it is time for you to finally think about this anger that you struggle with. I remember reading in another one of your posts how you entertain the emotion of anger in your mind. You talked about fantisizing about being able to physically throw someone mean/abusive down the stairs etc. You have to understand that what that is doing is allowing your brain to actually build up anger inside you. That is not healthy for you to do. But it can be a sign of a person who has been abused and has struggled with being somehow overpowered.

Anger is a very strong emotion and it really is there to send a signal that provides extra adreneline that may be needed for protection. But we really have to be careful how much we allow ourselves to hold that emotion in place in our brains. Anger can lead to distortion as well as interupt our capacity to allow ourselves to be productive in more effective ways. Too much anger can actually exhaust the brain and can even present depression or other issues, like what I struggle with, PTSD.

I think that you should truely make as many efforts as you can to remove yourself from interacting with your brother or any other person who tempts you to allowing your brain to flood with anger.

I never allow myself to fall into the thoughts of enacting harm on others. Somehow I have come to know that it hurts my brain's health. But I AM suffering from being a victim and I DO struggle with anger. But what that has done to me is I can be triggered now to responding to what I may perceive as a threat inappropriately. I know that I DO struggle with this area and it is a very challenging part of my disorder as well. It is important that you become aware of this because at some point, could be in a job, you may suddenly respond to a boss or client who may only remind you of your brother somehow. The response you enact can prove to be detrimental to your ability to have respect from others that see this take place. And this is not fair to you and your future Trippin.

Practicing the skills to walk away from your brothers taunting will serve you well. Instead of training your brain to respond, you will be slowly training your brain to walk away from this kind of interaction. As time goes on this is what will bring you the REAL power your looking to achieve.

Trippin, this is going to take you some time to achieve. Your training up to this point has been truely tainted by abuse. Believe me, I know that this is not easy to overcome. You already know that anger comes very easy to you, that is what you have come to KNOW from the disfunction you have experienced growing up.

I would like to see you allow yourself to be a better person, to consciously understand what this means and make conscious efforts to change this tainted behavior pattern.
You absolutely derserve to repair whatever damage these Toxic people in your lfe has presented in you. You absolutely deserve to have your own personal freedom and learn how to build the appropriate skills that will be there to help you be what you derserve to be the rest of you life.

As I said this is not going to be easy. Every single time someone triggers your anger you have to work on holding off that snap decision to respond back in anger. You can even use PC to help you work on that. I have been triggered myself so I know that it is not always easy to step back and not react. Even if the other person is NOT being nice. It can be hard NOT to lash out. This is one of my trouble areas as well and I don't always have complete control over it. I am working on it though.

((((Hugs))))

Open Eyes