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  #1  
Old Feb 29, 2012, 08:37 PM
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Lizzie B Lizzie B is offline
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Had a terrible weekend when I fell off the wagon again and smoked pot. Could have killed myself and other drivers when I made a 60 mile trip home stoned. Take care of my parents 24/7 and Monday hit the home health aides car in their driveway. Had to retrieve my insurance info from my apartment it wasn't in the glove compartment. Anyway, on the way to my apartment I literally saw red and couldn't stop screaming. I felt like a very bad and angry little girl. This is my second rage reaction in so many months and this sort of symptom hasn't been prevalent since the 1990's. That was when I first recovered my memories of abuse. After 21 years of weekly therapy I'm afraid I'm at square one again. Any suggestions?
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Thanks for this!
Gr3tta

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  #2  
Old Mar 01, 2012, 05:07 PM
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BrokenNBeautiful BrokenNBeautiful is offline
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Location: I live with myself. Because that is all I can depend on. Everthing around me changes.
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Sometimes we have peaks and valleys in our recovery.

It's more like a squiggly line than a straight one going up.

I identify with being out of control in rage.

That was the first emotion I felt when I started remembering.

Billi
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The idea of a soul mate is an ILLUSION. In reality, we must learn to be our own best friend/partner. Then if love comes to us, we will already be whole. All that love can do, at that point, is enhance our wholeness!
Thanks for this!
Gr3tta, Lizzie B
  #3  
Old Mar 01, 2012, 08:02 PM
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Lizzie B Lizzie B is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by billi_leli View Post
Sometimes we have peaks and valleys in our recovery.

It's more like a squiggly line than a straight one going up.

I identify with being out of control in rage.

That was the first emotion I felt when I started remembering.

Billi
I guess I forget that sometimes. Thanks, for helping me put it into perspective.
Thanks for this!
Gr3tta
  #4  
Old Mar 02, 2012, 06:08 PM
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BrokenNBeautiful BrokenNBeautiful is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lizzie B View Post
I guess I forget that sometimes. Thanks, for helping me put it into perspective.
It's okay.

We all need to be reminded.

Billi
__________________
The idea of a soul mate is an ILLUSION. In reality, we must learn to be our own best friend/partner. Then if love comes to us, we will already be whole. All that love can do, at that point, is enhance our wholeness!
Thanks for this!
Lizzie B
  #5  
Old Mar 03, 2012, 12:26 PM
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Sannah Sannah is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lizzie B View Post
hit the home health aides car in their driveway.

I literally saw red and couldn't stop screaming.

I felt like a very bad and angry little girl.
These ^ are all connected. Are you going to share this with your T? You are definitely not back at square one. You are on your path to healing.
__________________
Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........

I'm an ISFJ
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Lizzie B
Thanks for this!
Lizzie B
  #6  
Old Mar 03, 2012, 04:30 PM
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Lizzie B Lizzie B is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sannah View Post
These ^ are all connected. Are you going to share this with your T? You are definitely not back at square one. You are on your path to healing.

Yes, I told my T about it. She thinks it may be that I'm primary caretaker now for my parents. Some of the anger I stored about them not "saving me" may have come back. This is the first time I've lived close by them in 30 years. Yes, I think all the stuff that's been going on with me is connected. Thanks, for reminding me that recovery has it's peaks and valleys.
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Lizzie B
  #7  
Old Mar 05, 2012, 10:35 AM
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Sannah Sannah is offline
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I think that what might have also bothered you was doing something "wrong" ?
__________________
Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........

I'm an ISFJ
Hugs from:
Lizzie B
Thanks for this!
Lizzie B
  #8  
Old Mar 05, 2012, 02:32 PM
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Lizzie B Lizzie B is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sannah View Post
I think that what might have also bothered you was doing something "wrong" ?
Wow, Sannah you really got that right. I'm so hard on myself and feel like a failure sometimes. Yes, I felt I was wrong because I don't have only myself to think of right now. I'm sticking to DRA this time and won't listen to people that tell me pot's not addicting.

Thanks.
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Lizzie B
Thanks for this!
Sannah
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