Narcissistic n Abusive Mom is pleading with me

My mom as described above leaves voice messages on my phone saying she doesnt know what shes done to me , shes feeling sad and in complete denial. I realised to grow n stay happy i am unable to have contact with her.my sisters still do.they have sad dysfuntional lives as they are manipulated by her still. I finally ceased this relationship after soul searching n reading.its so liberating. So is this typical of a abuset, living thrir whole lives in denial?

I replied and phone messed up. Ok , my mom is abusive too. Havent talked to mine in 20 years. I love her, but im scared to death of her. I hate mother' s day. I'm sorry your going through this. Yeah it's hard with siblings.
We all agree my mom is dangerous but we've had to lock her up and stuff, very hard. Especially on my brother. He defends her and refuses to see stuff even when she has attempted to kill every one of us on umore than one occasion. It's human nature. Do what you need to be safe and protect yourself emotionally, physically, and spiritually. It's ok, in fact good , not to subject yourself to abuse.

can we be friends pls? thanks .I wont lay stuff on you but just need to bounce off ideas every now and then.I do my best by honoring my feelings at now on my own and through prayer and once decided I share with my husband who always, always supports me.Youre so fabulous.Thanks.what you said makes so much sense.My sisters cant see and want to hold on to what they think is 'love'.etc.They are in denial. Im happy with what youtold me-THANKS!

Hi Happy! The quality of your life and the status of your mental health requires that you keep toxic people out of it.

Narcissism and denial go hand in hand. My mom is Narcissistic but she wasn't abusive. She needs to see reality as she determines it, not as it really happens so denial is the #1 tool. These people are really broken. She messed me up big time. I cannot have a normal relationship with her because she is totally unable to do that.

Hello , happy101, of course lets be friends but i have to figure out if there is a way for me check private messages and such my
phone. Otherwise i will just be able to communicate with you on posts. How about when i see your posts, i ll answer them . Ok, sweet pea. And now you see you ARE among friends. Someone else also answered your post. YOU ARE NOT ALONE ON PC.there are a lot of
us here. Thanks btw. I've never been called fabulous. You arent even alone having been abused by younr mom, unfortunately. There are a lot of us out here that share that special unique brand of twisted pain.((((Sannah)))) (((( happy101))))

happy 101, my mom was incredible abusive and a total narcissist. Everything is all about what we can/should do for her. She is currently enraged and "hurt" that I am not calling her to check on her all the time. There is a huge list of things she has done even just recently after my father's death that are the reasons I'm not going out of my way to call her, but she cannot see any of them because she cannot do anything wrong, or if she does, it should be okay, because "I'm your mother!"

I feel for you, and just wanted to echo what others are saying here. Sometimes, you just have to dig your heels in and do what's healthy for you.

Welcome to the club, kinda not really, if you know what I mean. It's tough not being able to enjoy your birthday or holidays like a normal person, because you know it means you'll be getting a phone call from Jabba the Hutt, and who wants that? someone who would eat you alive. Actually I call her that because one time I brought her to a T session, and T asked her, "Hasn't hankster been a good daughter to you?" and Jabba... er, I mean, mother answered, "DAW-TUR?" like she never heard the word before. It's true, she never says it. But they will eat you alive if you let them.

Hello, Happy101!
***sigh*** Sadly I, too, am a member of this club...

I think the first step in ending abuse is to stay away from abusive people. Though it's too often true that people stick to what they are "comfortable" with... even when it's horrible. I'm so sorry you've had to go through this. I, for one, fully support your decision to do what's best for you, and stay the hell away from her.

And I thought I was the only one who compared my mother to Jabba the Hutt...

I dreaded Christmas, especially after my daughter was born. That was when Mom would email or call for the annual "what do you want" spiel. Other than that it was strict no contact, up until shortly before she died. She didn't even understand it when I told her not to come help after my child's birth, because it would've meant me taking care of two people instead of two taking care of one. She wanted to do what she wanted to do until it finally killed her. I'm just glad she didn't take me or my daughter with her.

So yeah, me too.

hey my mom was evil..& she looked exactly like the woman from throw momma from the train...that movie. sounded like her too.

it was scary..the resemblance....of course i am short & stocky...a little danny devito-ish

(((Hankster)))i cant get over the image of Jabba the Hut in therapy, "Daw-tur?" And now((( Stumpy))) with the throw momma from the train mom. Yeah they dont make mother's day cards for our moms. I should start my own line of them. There would be no butterfies and flowers on these cards except maybe dead ones.

Mothers Day is so hard cos the whole world has sacrifising and kind moms! Look at mine.....anyway, I now know Im not alone. Im not depressed nor sad BUT really, I didnt need a Mom like her to teach me how great the world is or how wonderful life can be blah blah blah. Just lucky that I can now live a life with my husband with him giving me full support to do what i want. since I got on this forum I found out that siblings can be toxic too....thanks.So now I know. I dont need them to be around me anymore. We're not calm and happy around them infact I have to tip toe arpund them cos they explode and get so mad and make me shake with some kind of fear.......Ugh! Theres nothing good coming from a family like this, nothing! Dave Pelzer became rich, at least he did well from living a childhood he had! But seriously.Im not asking to be pitied nor be cheerd on for optimism....just having my say

Happy101, i found you can kind of create your own family. I have a friend that calls me her daughter and i call.her mamajackie, which is really funny because my real mom never allowed me to call her mom.so i guess i dont hate mothers,day so much anymore. Also my sister is a mom now, so i think of her and what a terrific mom she is. But yeah life is a lot easier when you cut out the
people who just make you miserable. It's like you' ve been been banging your head against a wall andd it feels sooo good when you
stop.

I belong to this club too! Very narcissistic mother who wants everyone to worship her. Seriously! She thinks she is 'holier than thou' and if you criticise her: look out!! She can't commit any wrongdoing because she's a devout christian! So everybody else is wrong except her. My siblings are no good either, they don't see this and put her on a pedestal! So basically I'm ostracised and I imagined scapegoated because I'm the mental case not them! So like many of you I'm having less and less to do with my toxic family. Mother's Day? Forget it!!

Holy Gawd ... !!!

They're Everywhere ... !!!

Mine Too ... !!!

I guess it's true, we truly are not alone ... !!!

All joking aside, I did have to walk away from my whole fam damily because the female parental unit (mother) was so evil and manipulative ... She wasn't happy unless she was abusing her own children or had us abusing each other ... I mean, How SICK is that ... ?!?!?

Some Club Huh?

I finally just legally changed my name and relocated so they'd never find me again ... Prior to that, I had to endure endless unwanted phone calls and drop bys for a visit even though I'd requested her to not to ...

Yep, it was hard, but for my own physical and emotional sanity it was the right thing to do ...

Sorry you're having to experience this ... It's difficult to kick the old family to the curb, but sometimes it simply has to be done ...

Sigh, I am so sorry that all of you experienced growing up with a narcisstic parent.
I know that myself I had to also deal with that, but it wasn't my mother, it was my father and older sister and YES, THEY KNOW IT ALL AND IT IS ALL ABOUT THEIR WAY. And YES, they do not truely know how to show affection to others. However, they do like to be shown affection and waited on and respected. Oh they can also be incredibly condescending and they sure know how to invalidate to the max don't they?

At least we can learn about it, and even be treated for the depths of our despair and personal struggle from being stuck in an evironment with this kind of person. I am older and this was not available for me to know and YES, I truely didn't know how to even begin to have my own voice. In fact it took me a long time to be able to speak up without stumbing over my words. Friends?, Oh, I was so incredibly shy because all growing up between my homelife and boarding a bus with my older brother who also abused me but was abused himself, there was the constant unrelenting bullying on the school bus. Honestly?, I don't even know how I even learned anything because in school I was worn out from that bus ride to and from school.

It can be very triggering if we come across a strong personality in others, yes it happens all the time with me. I had to learn to differenciate between just a strong persona and that of someone Narcissistic. And to this day I really struggle to talk about my own issues because that was never really permitted. No I just had to deal and get over it somehow.

And yes they do plead, and sadly, no they don't get it. I went through that at Christmas and it completely disabled me. And I really wish I could muster it somehow because my mother is too old to understand it and that really makes it so very crippling to me because we were always buds and spent years together working in my business and talking about how nice it was to laugh and be ourselves without anyone telling us we couldn't.

But I cannot be around my older sister at all now, all I do is have awful flashbacks and I hate what I see in them, wish I didn't have them to be honest. And my sister insists on being the know it all, doesn't get PTSD and just wants to call me crazy. But, sigh that is how she is, she knows it all, and I call her Doctor Who. The only thing she is interested in is CONTROL. And how about that famous line they all have, "I am the one that has to have all the answers and take charge all the time" Oh yeah, the price one pays for insisting THEY be in control. Sadly, they don't even see it.

And Yes, I can relate in wanting to love them somehow, I really can, but sadly it is just too hard to be aorund them. I used to be able to do it, but I cannot do it anymore as I said, and I feel incredibly guilty or weak somehow that I can't, but it just is much too crippling for me now. It makes me ill just thinking about it to be honest.

Open Eyes

Thanks, likewater! I can't get the image out of my mind, either! I once got her a Mother's Day card, "For A 'Special' Mom", and she grumbled, "Yeah, I know what you mean by that, I'm not stupid." Ya can't win.

You know, before I went through the trama that presented me with so much loss and I couldn't take it? I was ok in my family, I learned my place and how to let things slide somehow. But this? the way I was treated when I was stricken with PTSD, that is what flipped it all around. Ignorance is bliss? Hmmm it was for me I guess, because now?, Well, I can't do what I used to be able to do, too much meanness now, why?, because somehow I needed could not just give somehow. What a dam rude awakening. I could have lived out my days just dealing with it like I was, now, too much has shown me reality. Reality?, yes about them and even my own weaknesses. I thought I was smart enough or maybe I had just learned the lesson of "Just accept people for what they are" and I thought that was what things in life were all about. I remember my mother telling me that constantly, but she was just like me, the giver and server and just did her best to put up with it.

Honestly, I really wish this never happened, not at this time in my life. Learning about all of this now is pretty hard to swallow if you ask me. I certainly can't change them, and I am trying my hardest to figure out how to change the fact that now, I can't even be around them without getting extremely ill.

Sometimes if think, ignorance is bliss.

Open Eyes