Drive

Went for a drive. 2 and a half hours later, I'm sitting on rocks looking out over the sea. Havn't contacted Mom yet. She must be worried. I just want the pain to go away. Don't know how I'll get home. Really need some help.

2bme, it's ok, just relax and breathe. take some time to recollect. i'm here if you want to talk. it'll be ok, it will pass. slow and easy.

can you use the chat?

No. On mobile. I did contact Mom. She bit upset with me. Just trying to get a grip.

(((2bme)))),

Well, you are just trying to find some space and inner safety.

(((2bme))), one of the things I went through is that I did choose to run away alot when I addressed abuse growing up. So part of that is feeding into that desire to find a way to run away. But we cannot run away from ourselves and our life experiences. With PTSD we have to allow it to run it's course and it is a challenge. I am far enough along now where I have come to realize that while I did experience so many uncomfortable things I didn't understand, eventually this process does present less and less impact and the brain does start to calm down. I had a very challenging year last year and I didn't really understand it all either. As I said, I often fed into it for that reason, I was afraid and didn't understand it.

This experience is truely NOT about how you failed in any way. This is NOT about a life sentence of suffering either. And what I have begun to realize is that I was really reliving through troubling times in my life and as I was doing that, I felt everything. I didn't realize how truely frightened and confused I was. But the brain does block that off just so we can continue to survive somehow. But by slowing down and taking slow deep breaths you can calm yourself and learn that you do have the power to do that for yourself.

While I was going through it I noticed that my brain was so busy all the time day and night, constantly trying to sort through so much and searching for answers to so many things. Yes, it can be exhausting at times and very confusing as well. If I was a therapist treating this disorder, I would explain it much different that it was explained to me. I would also make sure whatever family was around me, knew what I had was real and was going to be a challenge and to make sure to do their best to be patient and understanding and keep reminding me that I was going to get through it and to allow myself to slow down and work on it as best as I could without trying to fight it or feel like I was failing somehow.

Right now 2bme you have been experiencing a lot of emotions coming out. And this has to take place so your brain can finally get back to settling down and getting back to functioning better, and that WILL come gradually. But this is going to take time depending on how much you have to address. And yes, some days are going to be very challenging too. I had days where I had to be very quiet and truely could not do much at all, but don't feel guilty about that, this will pass eventually.

Make sure you keep getting therapy, keep learning soothing methods too. Ok, you needed to go for a ride, sitting on some rocks looking out over the water, that is ok.
I did that too and seeing the sun reflecting off of the water was nice, theraputic. And yes, you are not going to feel all that social, that is fine, not your fault either, other people cannot understand this so don't bother, just allow yourself to work through it.

You are doing good, coming and talking here with every new concern, that is good.
You can do it, you can get back home so give yourself time to relax and calm down again so you can find your way home. Remember, don't feed into it just keep following and take deep breaths and work towards calming yourself down.

We are still here and listening, you are doing ok, yes it is a challenge but just be patient and kind to yourself.

(((((Close your eyes, I am rubbing your back to calm you and tell you to relax and calm down you are doing your best so be patient, your going to be ok, just allow yourself to relax and calm down))))

Open Eyes

2bme, sitting here with you. you're not alone. like i said just take it slow and easy, breathe. it will be ok.

you can share what you'd like, i will listen.

Thank you. I'll be driving baack in a while. My family freaking out. I didn't mean to upset anyone. Just wanted to try to get some closure. Think I'll stay a while longer. I came to the same place I went to after the "episode". Don't know why. Thank you for reminding me to breath slow. Forced myself to slow it down. Strange - I do not feel alone at this moment.

Good, and you don't feel so alone now because you are not alone, you reached out and heard what you needed to hear from others that know first hand what you are experiencing. And you also are reminded that you do have to power to overcome it and calm down.

As far as your family is concerned, they have to understand that this is something YOU have to work through and they just have to stay calm and supportive. And if you have someone that is trying to understand, let them read my posts so they know that you need space right now and this is going to take you time to work through.

2bme, always remember no matter how low and confusing it gets, it WILL all calm down after a while ok? Never let yourself just feed into it, just keep a constant calm somewhere inside of you that constantly tells you that this too shall pass and just be patient.

Make sure you let us all know you made it home ok.

((((Hugs to tell you it will be ok)))))
Open Eyes

2bme, i know it's hard. just keep breathing and stay calm. you are really not alone. we are here with you ok. it'll be ok. be careful when you drive back home. once you get home family won't be so upset. i know you didn't mean to worry, you did what you had to. why you went there is something you can think about later, when you are in a safe place ok. here with you. ((hugs)) keep us posted. i care and i will listen.

I am home. Mom did calm down. I think it would be best for her to go with me on my next appointment with T so that she can explain stuff to her. It has been a hectic day full of many emotions. Again I thank you for allowing me to pack off.

I hope things get better.

I relate to having to sit somewhere and take a "time out".

That's okay.

You are right "on schedule".

You are okay.

Billi

2bme, thank you for posting. so glad you made it home safe. thinking of you, sending you warm comforting thoughts. take care.