[TooPatient5632]

I've been with my husband for 7 years. For almost two hears he was physically abusive to me (he left marks and bruises). He left a bruise on me when I was 8 months pregnant. He left the country for 3 years for an immigration problem, but we stayed married. He is back now. Soon after he got back, I was on the computer, chatting with my sister and he was angry about something so he threatened to turn the computer off. I was angry and trying to ignore him. He put his hand down to turn the power button on the computer and I pushed his arm away with all my strength.

I should not have done that and he responded by pushing me against the computer chair when I tried to leave the room. That night he pushed and pulled, grabbed me, put his hands on my neck and slapped me to keep me from leaving the room. Of course he said he was sorry and we moved on. Then a few weeks ago, we were in a store. I told him I didn't need anything there and we were arguing so I was going back to the car to wait in the car for him. He got mad and followed me out of the store and grabbed my purse to pull me back. Then I insisted on driving home and threatened to pull my parking break as I was driving on the freeway. I got extremely scared and decided to drive to the police station instead of home. I pulled into a parking lot and once I realized it was the wrong lot and I turned to get back onto the street he pulled my parking break. I tried to get out of the car and he chased me. I screamed for someone to call the police and they came. They said they couldn't charge him with anything and left. I am so sick of this. All he says is that our problems are 50% my fault. He says he is sorry and he is taking responsibility, but I am tired of going through all of this. I can't get over the pain his abuse has caused me and every time I see him that's all I think about. I kicked him out and he is blaming me, stating that I'm not willing to work on it. Is it worth it to work on it? I'm financially independent and I can support our daughter by myself. Why do I feel guilty for dumping him? What do you think, should I go forward with the divorce? I plan on seeing a therapist soon.

[glok]

"Would you be better off with him or without him?" ~Ann Landers

Hello, TooPatient5632. You must decide what is best for you and your daughter.

If you decide to proceed with a divorces, these articles have some great information:

Surviving Domestic Abuse | World of Psychology
Personalized Safety Plan - Domestic Violence

[Rainbowfairy]

Just my opinion, but as long as your partner is not willing to take full responsibility for his violent behaviour, you and your daughter are in danger. Of course interaction is two-way - that does not absolve him from being physically violent with you. As long as he is justifying his behaviour by saying it's 50% your fault, you are in danger.

I think it would be safer to maintain the current separation you have from him, and see a therapist ASAP, so you have a more robust support system. I may be worth considering that your daughter may also benefit from therapeutic input, if she has witnessed any abuse, been subject to it directly, or indirectly through its effects on her mother.

You have been with him long enough to know what to expect if you stay.

[tinyrabbit]

You need to leave for your daughter's sake as well as your own. Otherwise she will grow up thinking this is what love looks like.