[suzzie]

the strap that was made just for spanking. all leather. 1/4 inch thick. 3 inches wide. and about 24 inches long. with leather string sewn around all the edges. in a blanket stitch. worn from use. i remember it like looking at a photograph. remember hating it. remember hiding it. but dont remember being hit with it. but know i was. i remember being afraid to do anything wrong. my dad was an alchoholic. and could be violent. and had a bad temper. this was from age 6 and younger. i still remember the stupid thing.

[PurpleFlyingMonkeys]

I still remember the sound of the belt slapping together as moms ex came to the room. I can still hear it when I think about it. And I haven't been hit by it in 15 or so years. And I don't even remember the beatings like you. It's sad, it's scary, and it's frustrating. It makes me cringe when I think about it. You're not alone. I hope you have some comfort in knowing you are safe now. Please take care of yourself, I know this can be hard

[shezbut]

(((suzzie)))

I don't remember that descriptively. I recall being paddled with a wooden bread paddle, and I remember being belted. The belting as a LOT worse in my memory ~ seeing it come always scared the bejeezers out of me and I'd scream in a panic.

I'm very sorry that your father was so abusive with you. Very gentle hugs sent your way.

[painsme]

I remember all too well over 40 years ago being abused by our stepfather. My sister 2 years younger than me,ahalf brother 5 years younger, and 2 step brothers that were in their late teens. My mother was with him for 10 years.He was mean to her as well. I remember the beatings with "the belt", even being tied at the wrists to keep from moving,being burnt with an iron while he held my arm down on the ironing board I accidently knocked off the ironing board at 7 years of age, every holiday being punished for some insignificant thing. The sounds that haunted me for years and still does at times now is the screams from my sister and half brother as they were beat and punished.

My step brothers that were older did not live with us but recieved much abuse when they were younger from him. One has went into almost seclusion, the other lives a quiete life with still emotional scars, my sister didn't recieve as much abuse as I did but carried emotional scars for a long time. My half brother is now a homeless alcoholic and as for me I am being treated for Anxiety, OCD, PTSD, Depression.

It is sad that 1 person or 2 can create such life long pain for innocent children. I am sorry for you because I do know what it's like. Even in the silence of safety the memories and sounds as I still deal with come back in full force. I have now a real strong intolerance of a child crying. I raised my 2 kids with time outs and taking away the play times, electronic toys ect. Since they were not abused by me as their parent, they now have children that they are stricter on than I would have been. That creates a conflict for me because though they do not abuse their own children,discipline such as spanking un nerves me. That is how much I was affected by the abuse as a child myself.

I often wonder if it will ever go away, the sounds, the memories of all those years ago. I recently quit going to a theraist that was alot younger than myself that was unable to offer much in the way of resolving issues. I am currently seeking a thrapist closer to my age that would suit me better. I hope there is resolve for you as well. Many people don't understand that what we remember still haunts us.

Blessings

[FacingChains]

We've all been so terrified. Chains. Sorry to say it is not my values that keep my from seeking retribution it is jail time.

[Purple Heart]

Hi I was belted often, also my brother, by our father who would literally removed his leather belt from around his pants and belt the **** out of us. But the funny thing is that hasn't left so many scars as the psychological damage by him and my mother. The psychological abuse had more impact for me than the physical. But that was my experience. I'm currently working on flashbacks I'm having to heal within.

[FacingChains]

Originally Posted by Purple Heart

Hi I was belted often, also my brother, by our father who would literally removed his leather belt from around his pants and belt the **** out of us. But the funny thing is that hasn't left so many scars as the psychological damage by him and my mother. The psychological abuse had more impact for me than the physical. But that was my experience. I'm currently working on flashbacks I'm having to heal within.

I find the psychological stuff is worse too. Thanks for being here. Chains

[BlackCat13]

I remember staying in my room all day as a kid, not even wanting to take a shower for the fear of doing something wrong. My brothers and I would be beaten by a belt, wire, anything really. The emotional and verbal abuse cuts too deep. Everything still seems so fresh to me.

[ktbelle373]

My father was phycially abuse too. i remember a lot of things i wish i could forget, I know what its like to feel that fear, Im so sorry you had to go through that. do you have a T to talk to? i think that might help. I wish you all the best!!