[Twisted_Soul]

My T session last night was some what draining but somewhat relieving.
We disussed my issues of thinking how the abuse was my fault and how I cannot steer away from that belief.
T gave a journaling assignment for me to write about why I believe it was my fault.
I am trying to work on so much hurt and anger.
He robbed me of so much back then...and it still affects me to this day. And, I hate him for it!

Trauma Recovery work is grueling.
I want it to be over but I know that if I don't keep fighting for my right to feel peace then I will always suffer and be at his mercy.

[bipolar_bear]

It sounds like you had a wonderful session and your T suggestions for writing is a great idea. It sounds like you are doing great. Try and be patient with yourself as it takes some time.

You're moving towards "freedom" with patience... You will make it to the finish line! That T of yours seem to be- WOW... ! Grab that pencil and write more than ever before! lol

[hillbunnyb]

Yo twisted, good work to even look!! Guilt is so hard to weed out once it sets its roots. . Transitions are slow moving creatures. Just keep at it, one day at a time. You'll get there.

[Twisted_Soul]

Does this happen to anyone...
This morning I was feeling clear and felt like a breakthrough occurred last night.
I was feeling a sense of release.

Then, around 11a something set me off and it was like all my hope sunk down to the ground. I even left my pdoc and really mean message because her secretary called me and said she lost the pharmacy information the doctor forwarded to her....so it made me feel like no one cares and this woman shouldn't even know anything about me.

I freaked out. Stayed that way for like an hour or so till I could come back and regroup.
Is this sabatoge>? Is it just going through the emotions that strike at anytime for anyreason?

Help me folks!

[Rhapsody]

That sounds very normal to me when one is so emotionally wounded and trying to heal..... and keep in mind that it will probably happen again, until the main healing starts to move forward for YOU.

LoVe,
Rhapsody -

[Twisted_Soul]

So, it is normal to have these episodes then> others do too?

Absolutely and totally yes. Like you, mine sometimes seem to come out of the blue. It is so disorientating and frustrating forme; I just start to feel I am making progress and then I feel back in the valley. I have to keep thinking of it as a range of mountains I must cross, with many mountains to climb and many valleys to cross to reach the summit, but each time going a little higher up, with better views.

Know you are not alone.

C

[mangledreality]

I have just started and you ala give me hope...Which I need so much... I am afraid to face this...but to have a life I see now that I must.

[hillbunnyb]

The thing I've learned, on this lifetime adventure, is that "stuff", when it POPS up, gets less intense, comes less often, and clears up quicker. We learn how to process our stuff with great skill and awareness. I don't know if it ever goes away completely forever. Sea legs and breathing, a lot of positive self talk, commiserating here.....

[Rhapsody]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Twisted_Soul said:
So, it is normal to have these episodes then> others do too?

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

YES................. all wounded souls have these moments while trying to HEALING.

LoVe,
Rhapsody -

[mtd]

Hello there, and I can really relate to your experiences. For me, working through that list was very painful and triggering. I too get "episodes" when doing this kind of work. I have a suggestion too, and your T may be heading in this direction, but I suggest that you also make a list of all the reasons why the abuse was NOT your fault. My list finally ended with "I was a child." That was all I really needed to give myself. Truly, it was not your fault. You deserved so much better than you got.

I also want to say it sounds like you are working hard and with real courage to face the deep issues of having been abused. That's a wonderful expression of love for yourself and I applaud that. Well done. Keep faith in yourself and you can heal.

Be well,

mtd

[Sher]

Wow , you have just described what I feel right now ! I am also in therapy for abuse . I also feel anger . I also feel as if something is wrong with me to have a handfull of people abuse me in such a dehumanising way. My T wants me to write about it too. I dont have any advice for you , I just wanted you to know you are not alone . I am in a simalair place right now . Thank you for sharing your struggles with us . God give us strength to endure the process of healing.

[Twisted_Soul]

MTD amd Sher: Thanks for sharing your thoughts.
It is a very emotional process, to say the least.
After my T session last night I just want to quit working and stuff it all back deep inside of me.
I am tired of hurting. I am tired of remembering more and more and I discuss it all.
I am wishing it to just go away.
Very exhausted.
I know I have to keep working for it to be a completion of my journey that I begun...but just for today I want to say
****** it all!!

[Sher]

I am right there with ya. I have to go to my T session in about 30 min. I am fighting the urge to quit myself . But now the the dragon has been unleashed it must be tamed in order to gain my life back . I agree it is very exhausting . Well F**k them . I will heal and grow from this despite them ! My heart is with you . PM me anytime , maybe we can strengthen each other .

[Fuzzybear]

((((((((((((( TS )))))))))))))