HELP advice on abusive living arrngmnt.

-----------*TRIGGER* DETAILS OF SEXUAL ABUSE-------------
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Is it possible to 'dream' or 'create' false memories of molestation, when other sexual abusive incidents(??write word not sure if they are abusive or just violating?) but not molestation occurred? ie 'groping' , covertly video taping victim nude, 'peeping' in general on victim nude, "sleep masturbating" placing pornography in dvd player of childs bedroom...just everything except for him coming into my room at night and yeah...
Has anyone experienced something like this? How about when these experiences happened during puberty and adolescence(not childhood)
im so confused. other things in life don't seem real. I confuse dreams with memories on the daily, i see things and am very preoccupied with my paranoia (of general safety issues and him).

The non-molestation incidents are already foggy. But I a few times I woke up in the middle of the night with my pants down and him walking out of the room, he tries to come in at night i know because i hear his footsteps and watch the door handle jiggle. But the memories when he comes in at night are so inconsistant and in pieces. I only remember parts, very brief I really dont want to go into detail. And Ive have this flashback with two past lovers, where when we were making out and i was on the bottom, all of a sudden i feel suffocated and there he is on top of me and i can't breath and my body just becomes stiff and then its all gone and i shove her off me and am left extremly extremly shaken.ANYWAYS my point is THE MEMORIES OF THE MOLESTATION ARE VERY UNREAL AND VERY INCOMPLETE AND CONFUSING, SO IS IT POSSIBLE THAT I AM ACTUALLY DREAMING OR CREATING THESE MEMORIES? OR COULD THEY HAVE REALLY HAVE HAPPENED AND I'VE REPRESSED OR FORGOTTEN OUT OF DEFENSE DESPITE MY CONSCIOUSNESS AT ADOLECENCE AGE AND ALSO THAT THEY CONTINUED INTO THE PAST COUPLE YEARS.

you guys im so scared all the time. When I was 15 my little sister finally brought it up to my mom, that we had found two cameras(the other in my lil sisters room) and receiver(he was literally in the next room watching me shower) and she did call the police but then CPS came and took my sister while i was 5150'd and there was an investigation, but nothing was resolved due to lack of evidence(i had smashed one camera and threw the other into our large yard because I wasn't planning on confronting my mother)

I live with my step-dad and mother now. I'm 22 and way too preoccupied with his wherabouts. He is still snooping through my things, spying on me through a window from another part of the house that looks into my bedroom window. He was to drive my sister to the airport a month ago at 11am, but right before he got in the car, my sister could hear him in his bedroom with the porn loud and him masturbating(mom was out of town). He purposely opens his bedroom door when he's ****ing my mom so i can hear. Every once in a while i still find porn dvds in corners or in the dvd player in my bedroom(thinks he masturbates in there too?). It's more of this type of stuff, the recent stuff(he had 'stopped' this kind of stuff for a while in order to win his way back into the household) that i can distinguish as real. but the other stuff, im just scared. I want him away from me, but he manipulates my mother. about a year ago I brought up that he was touching me, it was after I had accidently or all of a sudden punched him in the face, and he argued i was obviously crazy(i do have quite a report as bipolar) and my mom told me to get the **** out of the house.
But maybe he's right?
Maybe I am just crazy and delusional with these foggy memories, and he isn't sneaking into my room at night putting his **** on me?

I AM 22 YEARS OLD, A GROWN ADULT, AND I CAN'T EITHER STOP THIS MAN FROM DOING THIS or I CAN'T DISTINGUISH BETWEEN REAL OR NOT AND REGULATE MY PARANOIA.

I JUST WANT TO STOP BEING SO PREOCCUPIED WITH HIS AND OTHERS WHEREABOUTS IM SO SCARED ALL THE TIME!!! I CAN'T FOCUS IM FAILING THROUGH COLLEGE DESPITE MY PASSION FOR LEARNING AND EDUCATION.

I DONT KNOW WHO TO TELL ABOUT THIS....MY MOM SAYS SHE DOESNT THINK IT'S IN HIS NATURE. SHE DOESN'T BELIEVE US. I HAVE NO MONEY TO LEAVE THIS HAUNTED HOUSE. I HAVE NO FRIENDS, I AM PLAGUED BY REALLY STRANGE CREEPY THOUGHTS. I WANT TO DIE MOST OF THE TIME, IM LOSING HOPE I CAN GET OVER THIS.

I JUST WANT TO LEAVE THIS HOUSE, I CANT EVER FIND THE COURAGE TO BRING UP ONE OUNCE OF THIS TO MY T, OR IF I DO I BECOME PARALYZED AND BLANK--I HAVE NOTHING TO SAY ABOUT IT--NO THOUGHTS-NO FEELINGS. IM ALSO AFRAID MY T WOULD INVOLVE LAW ENFORCMANT OR SOMETHING.

so this leads me to my next question
if and adult child reported sexual abuse by parent, would my T. be required/obligated to report something or get APS involved? I'm scared if it gets brought up again, like it did when I was 15, the law would get involved and my mom still wouldn't believe me, and the family would resent me for taring a part my family.

does any of this make any sense? i don't feel like i make sense these days im so confused scared to sleep woken by every little sound.

advice, thoughts...?

thanks so much, this is the first time ive attempted expressing this stuff, especially so in depth.

Hi Alice, I don't think that you are dreaming this up at all. When will you be done with school?

I think that it is important to talk to your T about this. She can help you sort through it and support you. T's have to make reports for child abuse and when an adult is in danger, like domestic violence. I don't think that she would need to make a report for this.

Please continue to keep us posted on how you are doing?

I agree with Sannah ~ You NEED to talk to your therapist about this! And no, she won't report this to the police -- and least I don't believe so. I believe it all will be kept secret.

Is there ANY WAY you can get out of that house and go live with relatives? YOu NEED to get out! This is definitely a toxic place for you to live -- it a dangerous place. You are NOT DREAMING THIS. This is all true, and you're not crazy. This man is a danger, and really SHOULD be reported, but I understand your reluctance to do so. But the problem is he could very easily become a child abuser of ANY chlld in the area. And I don't think you want that to happen. And your MOTHER is enabliing him to do these things. I don't believe for a second that she doesn't know what he's doing. She just doesn't want to face it. But she knows!!!

So talk to your therapist. And ask her what you should do. And then DO IT. God bless and please take care. Hugs, Lee

I agree with everything Leed and Sannah said. It sounds to me like your brain erased bits and pieces of the molestations to protect ifself. And some day, those things might come back. (I'm going through this same thing right now, and it is breaking me). It's horrifying, and I sincerely hope you get out ASAP and report that monster. You've gotta have a friend somewhere out there, or a relative that can take you in. Your mom's enabling the behavior by looking the other way...this has to stop. God forbid you have a daughter and she wants to have her granddaughter spend the night. Because we all know how THAT will end up.
And yes REPORT HIM. Look at that miscreant Jerry Sandusky, if they can bust that monster years after the fact (along with the many priests and other people put in positions of trust and power over children), then why not this jerk? You owe him nothing more than a swift kick to the teeth.
Definitely talk to your therapist and don't ever be afraid to stand up and fight for yourself. You're the only one you owe anything to, not him, not your mom, just you. You know that old saying, "We make our bed, we lie in it?" The same applies to him.
All I know is, if some ashhole came into my room and had his junk close enough to me, thinking I was asleep, he'd need a team of surgeons to repair what I ripped off with my own bare hands.
(Sorry, I just REALLY hate these guys, sweetie).

I agree with the advice the others gave.... I am in total disbelief... What mother allows her children to be sexually abused? This breaks my heart when I hear things like this...

Hello Alice,

There comes a time when one must consider their own well-being. It is not fair that you are suffering like this. Like everybody else is saying, I too think it is a good idea to talk to your therapist. Just because you tell your therapist something doesn't mean they have to "blow the whistle" they look at every case with different eyes. I really hope things work out for you, and stay strong it can't rain forever.