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Poohbah
Member Since Nov 2005
Location: MASSACHUSETTS
Posts: 1,181
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Jun 05, 2006 at 08:29 PM
#1
Saturday, I was sitting on the couch, and a strange feeling came over me..... A movie began to play it was full of a scary place in time. I remember when my stepfather got me pregnant... When I got the results I was shocked.... I was 16 years old..... he had been sexually abusing me for a while...... he used objects and penetration..... I could smell him I could feel him touching me...... then it was time for me to take care of it...the sounds and pain were horrible .... I am more deep in my coma, I can hardley speak.... My T session today was very sad and stressful...... My journey is hard and will be long...... T said she would hang in there with me every step of the way.... I am just sorry my old T did not start this process.... I think I would have been further down the road.....Altheia
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Jun 05, 2006 at 08:32 PM
#2
(((((((((((((((((( LILITH ))))))))))))))))))
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Wisest Elder Ever
Member Since Nov 2002
Location: Cave.
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Jun 05, 2006 at 08:46 PM
#3
((((((((((((((((( Lilith ))))))))))))))))))
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Wise Elder
Member Since Aug 2005
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Jun 05, 2006 at 10:07 PM
#4
(((((((((((((Lilith)))))))))))))))))
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Member
Member Since Oct 2005
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Jun 06, 2006 at 02:21 AM
#5
((((((((((((((((( Lilith ))))))))))))))))))
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Veteran Member
Member Since Jan 2004
Location: minnesota usa
Posts: 565
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Jun 06, 2006 at 02:24 AM
#6
<font color="green">You are where you are because you are ready to deal with this now. Our minds protect us and only give up what we can deal with at one time. It never feels like that, as the memories resurface. Rape flashbacks are ugly with sound scent taste and sensation. Sometimes I wonder if I would have chosen to heal or work on healing if I had know how much it would hurt. Nevertheless, I am a survivor, the worst has already happened and I didn’t die then – I am not going to die now. You will progress as fast as you should; remember to take the time to let yourself enjoy your victories. </font>
__________________ dalila Worry is like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do but it doesn't get you anywhere. -Erma Bombeck |
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Grand Magnate
Member Since May 2004
Posts: 4,415
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Jun 06, 2006 at 07:32 AM
#7
Believe it or not it is better to have the memories and the pain then be dull, dissociated through life. It also stops us from feeling joy. That said, I am so sorry that you have these flashbacks. They are history and they are a piece of a horrible history. I am so sorry for your pain.
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Veteran Member
Member Since Jun 2005
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 324
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Jun 06, 2006 at 08:32 AM
#8
((((((((((Lilith))))) I am sorry that your pain is forefront right now, I wish i could say I didn't understand but I do. I feel your pain and can only hope that you won't quit now, as hard as it is. I wish I knew what to say to make it easier for you, just know that you have a safe place to come and talk about this all... Linda
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Poohbah
Member Since Nov 2005
Location: MASSACHUSETTS
Posts: 1,181
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Jun 06, 2006 at 10:01 AM
#9
Hello Poetrylover....thank you for your response..the journey to wellness can be very hard
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Poohbah
Member Since Nov 2005
Location: MASSACHUSETTS
Posts: 1,181
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Jun 06, 2006 at 10:03 AM
#10
Hi Fuzzybear, thank you for your response... Your hula bear makes me happy when I see it.....Take good care...
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Poohbah
Member Since Nov 2005
Location: MASSACHUSETTS
Posts: 1,181
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Jun 06, 2006 at 10:05 AM
#11
Hi BiPolar_bear, Thank You for your response... It means a lot to me....... Take good care of yourself....
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Poohbah
Member Since Nov 2005
Location: MASSACHUSETTS
Posts: 1,181
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Jun 06, 2006 at 10:09 AM
#12
Hello gurlbballgurl....Thank you for responding...... I needed that hug....take good care of yourself....
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Poohbah
Member Since Nov 2005
Location: MASSACHUSETTS
Posts: 1,181
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Jun 06, 2006 at 10:12 AM
#13
Dear Dalila, Thank you for your response....your words have touched my heart....I know that he is gone...and can't hurt me anymore....Take good care of yourself....
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Poohbah
Member Since Nov 2005
Location: MASSACHUSETTS
Posts: 1,181
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Jun 06, 2006 at 10:14 AM
#14
Dear Wisewoman, It does stop us from having or feeling joy. Thank you for responding.....
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Poohbah
Member Since Nov 2005
Location: MASSACHUSETTS
Posts: 1,181
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Jun 06, 2006 at 10:18 AM
#15
Hello walkswithspiritbear... I love your name....are you Native American? I am my name is Angelspirit.... Thank you so much for responing... I wish that you did not understand too..... but we are here.... we are still alive.... that should mean something.....
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Poohbah
Member Since Nov 2005
Location: CA
Posts: 1,392
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Jun 06, 2006 at 09:56 PM
#16
Hey Lilith, hope you are over the worst of this flashback episode. Sure does kick the stuffing out, huh? Do you knit or crochet or do any busy hand artsy craftsy stuff? Collage can be very absorbing. Distraction with creativity is my thought for when it gets too ugly. Always caring. )))) ))Lilith ((((((( ( ((
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Poohbah
Member Since Nov 2005
Location: MASSACHUSETTS
Posts: 1,181
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Jun 06, 2006 at 11:03 PM
#17
Hello Hillbunnyb,
Right now I just have a hard time holding anything in my hands.... I shake all over......I am just a wreck.... I like to do bead work but my hands and concentration are very poor....Thank you my dear friend.... for caring.... __________________
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Poohbah
Member Since Nov 2005
Location: CA
Posts: 1,392
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Jun 07, 2006 at 09:50 AM
#18
Oh hon, the shakes are so disconcerting. Do you have a hot water bottle or heating pad that you can hold on your lap for comfort? My hot water bottle is my best friend. The weight and the warmth give me a focus and relief. I breath with the spreading warmth. It's gotten me through some tuff sh_t.
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Legendary
Member Since Oct 2004
Location: ohio, us
Posts: 15,446
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Jun 07, 2006 at 08:05 PM
#19
(((((((((((((((((Altheia))))))))))))))))))
I'm so very sorry. Today is very important. You've started the process, even though you would've wished you'd started it earlier. Even if t had, your mind may not have been ready. You're so brave and wonderful...a miracle. We're here and listening. KD __________________ 
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Jun 07, 2006 at 09:43 PM
#20
(((((((Altheia)))))))
It sounds so painful to have to relive. I'm so sorry you have to have such horrible flashbacks. Sending you out strong, positive energies to keep you safe. |
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