[Mymegplan]

There are probably similar posts to this, but this is an issue that I really want to overcome. In the past I was in a relationship in which I was emotionally and mentally abused. Most of the situations in which it occurred was when we were in an environment in which my then bf was drinking. Within his culture it typically meant binge drinking (and to the highest level of bingeing).

Typically if we were drinking he would become a completely different person and his eyes literally turned black in color. He would find any small move I made or words I said to turn into his reason for being angry or would just make something up. I eventually quit drinking altogether in order to not let him do this but nonetheless would find some way to still be abusive.

In those moments I tended to only be able to react by getting pretty hysterical and upset as that was the only way to try and get help, he'd usually just drive drunk which made me scared for my life.

Now that I'm free from this for over a year I'm in a new relationship which has been just about perfect. However...twice now when drinking there have been small instances that have triggered me to have a similar reaction which I assume is because my brain has trained itself and remembered this response as a sort of defense mechanism. Let me note that the instances were NOT abuse at all it was just a typical small tiff you'd have in every relationship which you would naturally react but in a more serene composed way.

How can I try and dilute old reactions? Is this something mainly a therapist would interject in?

I mainly want to resolve this because I am a very optimistic, upbeat, happy person and I drank without any impact on my behavior. The reaction does not reflect "me" at all and is not something thàt would have escaped from me until I experienced the abuse. Thanks for your help!

[Sannah]

So I guess what you are explaining is that you are being triggered (something happens in the present which reminds you of these past experiences and those old, stored feelings resurface)? Yes, resolving those stored feelings is essential because once you resolve them, they can't be triggered. You can also tell yourself when you are being triggered that you are safe in the present and what you are feeling is coming from the past experiences.