[yellowfrog268]

WARNING! THIS IS NOT A NICE STORY!

Letter to my adoptive mother,

Today I was thinking about you. Don’t be flattered, it wasn't nice thoughts. I was thinking about the fact that you lived with a pedophile for years and years. When I was brought to your home at 5 years old I had already lost my own parents, been through a slew of foster homes and was told my sister would not be staying with me in your home. I had already been through too much. Your husband began fondling me almost from day one. Do you remember the day I told you what was going on between he and I? Well, I do. We were standing at the kitchen sink. You were washing dishes and I was drying them and putting them away. Your husband was sitting at the kitchen table. He was pissed off because the two of you had been arguing about money. He threw a heavy glass ashtray in our direction but it missed both of us. Instead it hit the handle of one of the cabinets and dented it. He stormed off to the bedroom the two of you shared. I looked at you and saw that you were teary eyed. He hollered for me from the bedroom. I looked at you and told you I didn’t want to go because he had been touching my underpants. You called me a liar and told me to go to him because it made him happy. If I was lying about it then what exactly was it that meant when you said to go to him because it made him happy? Years later when confronted by yet another foster child who had experienced the same as me, you would deny any knowledge of any such thing. Yet, your statements on that day alone proves to me you did know. Or are you going to try and tell me that you thought it was perfectly fine for a 42 year old man to derive pleasure from taking a nap with a 5 year old girl in his bed?
I am so angry at you. Not only did you fail to protect me but you threw me completely under the bus with social workers, teachers, and school counselors. When these people came to you with concerns about my so-called odd behavior, you just sat there, listened politely and made them believe that you had no idea why I was behaving as I was. I got labeled as difficult, troubled, and mentally ill because you refused to face facts or perhaps you were too concerned with preserving you marriage and stability. I racked up quite an impressive juvenile record in group homes, family court, and doctors because of you and your pedophile husband.
Even years later you continue to deny all of it. Do you remember April (name changed to protect privacy)? Do you remember the night she showed up at your house to confront you. Well, before she showed up at your home, she had contacted me. I had not seen or heard from her in 20 years. In fact, it took me a minute to remember who she was when she called that first time. Without knowing my story at all, April began to ask me questions about my life with you and the pedophile. She told me about her experiences and they were practically the same as mine. Same places, same acts, same lies. It was April’s idea to confront you not mine. On the night of her visit, you denied her claims. Told her she was making it all up. You told her you couldn't understand why she was defiling the memory of your dear husband who had done nothing but love and care for her as a child.
Do you remember another foster child named Diane (name changed to protect privacy)? I never knew Diane except through her picture hanging up on the wall of your home. You and the pedophile used to speak about her. You and he would say that you didn't understand why she requested to be moved out of your home when things were so great. Well, guess what? Diane was another one of your husband’s victims. I can’t tell you how I know because it would get other people in trouble but the fact of the matter is, I do know. Diane had left your home five years before I was placed with you. I never met her yet her story is almost a carbon copy of mine and April’s. Your husband was nothing if not consistent.
So, all total we’re talking about at least three foster girls (I’ll bet there are more) over a span of 17 years. I don’t believe for a moment that you didn’t know. I think you did know or, at the very least you had suspicions and chose to look the other way. You chose to protect your pedophile over the children you where charged with caring for. But what I will never ever forgive you for is the way you allowed people to judge me as crazy and troubled because they could not figure out why I behaved as I did. I will never forgive you for the way you made me out to be the bad one. You and I know that my history with your husband didn't end until I was 17 years old so there is much more to this story including more acts of betrayal by you but I’ll stop here for now because my brain is about to explode. But you should expect to hear from me again soon as I cannot “just get over it already”.

Sincerely,
The person who’s life you helped to screw up

[tinyrabbit]

I am so sorry she didn't protect you and that you were hurt and abused. You are right - you were NOT the bad one.