COULD TRIGGER -Is Sexual Objectification sexual abuse when taught to a child?

This is bound to be a bit long and a bit vague. I don't have a lot to say because it's emotionally draining but need to paint you an image. Also, excuse any linguistic problems; I've taken a mg of xanax

Both my parents instilled in me that woman are valued only for their sexuality. They taught this to me through exposure, subtlety or outright teachings. They also taught me that woman were incapable of rational thought, reasoning or any other sort of intellect, they were strictly emotional creatures. Instead, woman were neurotic, ditsy and stupid and therefore only valued in how they could serve men. In that, this is a good definition for sexual objectification.

How a woman is seen and valued is a hot spot for me; it is at the center of my self concept. Its easy to verbalize my misgivings for what my parents thought regarding the intellectual ability of woman, though for a long time I believed, without hesitation, that I would never be capable of rational thought. My lack of confidence is probably a derivative of this notion that woman are incapable in the task of reasoning, combined with my mother’s ineptness at teaching me to be self-reliant. I think I struggle with personal autonomy in that, I was discouraged from any true self discovery; I was enabled to be and stay dependant; and I was taught that I was innately incapable of thinking for myself. As a young child, I believed that my only value would one day be assessed by how I looked and how I faired as a sexual servant, though I did not know it in a cognitive way; it was just one of those things you absorb like believing that the earth is round. I never stopped to question, though I rebelled with every fiber of my being. I became a "tom boy".

Here's were it gets tricky though; from as far back as I could remember, I was constantly doing things to get my mother to acknowledge me. She doesn't like babies or toddlers and so, believe it or not, I was adopted by my father female dogs, Rum and Coke (his favorite drink). I was neglected, no question. I was emotionally abused, no question. However, was I sexually abused?

First, I remember being extremely self-conscious of the neighbors across the street seeing me naked, even though they babysat me from birth (baby pool was in the front yard and mom stripped the wet suit off before letting me in the house) Not a big deal but, I was 2 or 3 years old. My kids never became ashamed of their bodies; why was I? Second, by the time I was 3 or 4, I realized the easiest way to get attention from my family, especially my mom, was to act seductive, much like you see in bad pornos. I could imitate Mae West perfectly, body language, tone of voice and word for word, "..why don't you come and see me some time.." I did it all the time, for attention, and it worked wonders. I sat seductively, was constantly in a sexual pose, and wore my close to look like a 1970's sex pot. My mother encouraged me to sexualize myself throughout my entire childhood and did it to my daughters as well by encouraging them to dress provocatively. Obviously she sexualized herself too but by the time I was 4, I saw myself "in the third person". I think I was groomed. She impressed upon me that beauty was the woman in the bridal magazines and pageants and so, to connect with her, I showed interest in them as well, outwardly.

Second, My father objectified woman, as mentioned above, and received a diagnosis of sexual addict by the time I was 17. He also remembered sexually assaulting his sister in high school, while he was in his late 20's. By the time I was five, I knew everything there was to know about sex; every way method and attitude intimately understood and I could spot each with clarity. I have never learned more about it, after 40 years, than I new then. I even pointed out to a friends mother that I could tell she was a prostitute and it was harming her daughter (I was 5). By the time I was six, I new where my dad kept all his pornography and what people were "supposed" to do with it. I stole it was and emulated what I had known then, felt shame and embarrassment and developed an abnormal dislike of sexually suggestive material.

By the time I was 15, I realized I had failed my parents "beauty expectations". I wasn't "built like a brick house"; as a matter of fact I've never developed. I still have the body of a 12 yr old. At thirteen, my father stopped interacting with me, not that he did much of that before but, it was cut to nothing. I was a ghost. I thought it was because I looked like a boy but wasn't "strong, tough, manly, or capable of intelligent reasoning, etc.)

So, is being raised to sexualize yourself, objectify woman and serve the man in his sexual pleasure (like being groomed to be a prostitute) sexual abuse? Also, I remember hearing references to his favorite pornos, as he "joked" with my mother ... Debbie Does Dallis, Something hot-pants, the Happy hooker and Hot lips something come to mind. It was constant. Both my parents had affairs and I walked in on my mother one. It confused the hell out of me. I was five then too.

Side note, I have all the extreme simptoms of sexual abuse but have no memories other than this. By the time I was five, I had concieved a hiearchy of human worth, fationed in totum pole vissuals. It included race, gender and age as the dinamics of how on is valued. I was second to the bottom, being a little white girl, while the little balck girl was the least valued of all. I have rebelled against, objectification in any form; have become insanely intollerant ... No question this is abuse but, was this sexual abuse?

Yes ... This is sexual abuse.

A physical rape doesn't have to occur to sexually abuse (rape) a child.

Also, like all other forms of emotional abuse, they are often the most difficult to overcome because it's like the messages and images are permanently seared upon the brain and it's extremely difficult to erase, rewrite or record over it.

I'm sorry you were done this way as a child and I hope you can get the help you need to address the pain and harm any and all of it has caused you.

Yes, this is abuse. I'm sorry it happened to you, and I agree with the post above: I hope you can get the help you need.

Definitely. Pretty much the same kinds of things happened to me. I asked my therapist and he confirmed this was sexual abuse. This is not appropriate behavior towards young girls.

Thanks I needed the confirmation and validation more than you could ever know!

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This is abuse - emotional, sexual, ect. Im so sorry for your pain