My Father's Mother And My Father

Okay, so I just needed some place to vent all this. I needed to hear someone else tell me that this all, is, in fact, abuse. My fiance agrees, but I need to hear from other people.

My parents divorced when I was two. They argued a lot, blah blah blah. My mom and I have our own issues, which have led to my abandonment fears in my current relationship. However, we work through them. My mother is willing to admit her wrongs which is why we are so close now.

Jump ahead when I am 15. I have had enough of my father and his mother. My "grandmother" twisted my arm behind my back in front of my little stepbrother. This is something he can vouch for. The reason being that I would not wear a headband that was hurting my head, badly and she thought I needed to be "the pretty girl". I had a seizure on one of my birthday's in a restaurant. She blamed me for the seizure and told me I was an idiot for not reminding her to give me the medication (I was ten). I got so ill that I puked and **** in her bed and she told me again, I was an idiot, and to get up and use the bathroom if I need to. Obviously, I did try to get up. You don't purposely puke and **** in anyone's bed. These are all events my little brother was present for. The last I saw her, she smacked me in the face for not smiling after I was dealing with a death. She told me I'd be prettier if I didn't have a beauty mark on my nose and that my grandparents needed to pay to get it removed and that they were poor grandparents if they didn't. I can't have my ears pierced. I have had them pierced several times with her in tow because she just didn't get what had happened each time. Even with the solution, my ears bled. She said she didn't care and that you have to sacrifice comfort for beauty. She told me I broke my father's heart because he got me earrings one year for Christmas. She told me I needed bipolar medication the last time I was around because it was when I finally stood up to her (again, the time she smacked me in the face for not smiling). I jumped out of her car after she hit me and she told me she was going to call the cops for being a runaway. I got scared so I ran back in the car, but it wasn't until later, I realized I could have called the cops on her for assault and I regret not doing so.

Rewind, eleven years later. I am pregnant. I am engaged. I have miscarried twice in the past year. I decide it's finally time I talk to my father and siblings on his side of the family again. Big mistake. We start talking through Facebook, everything is going okay at first, but my father starts talking about how people "kept you away from me." and I told him if we were going to talk at all, he needed to not play the victim card and that it was my own decision to stay away from him. He insisted it wasn't and that I lived with my grandparents on my own choice because they spoiled me (also not true). Anyway, things got heated and ugly, he called my mom's ex-fiance that passed away a "stupid Mexican" (he was not Mexican, he was Native American and this is right after I tell my father I stayed away from him partially because he was a racist) that killed himself over my mother's antics (also not true). He told me that the reason his mother was physically abusing me was because I was "out of control and deserved it." I told him that I thought she should do prison time. He told me my sister is having issues with her as well and I told him that basically I didn't want to talk to him anymore, but that if my sister starts telling him similar stories, I hope he doesn't turn the other cheek like he is with me, but by the sounds of it, he is. I do feel like for years my father emotionally abused me (and I opened the door because, I naively, thought he might have changed) and I feel like I gave him the chance to do it again. I checked his mother's criminal record and on a date close to my sister's birthday (just one day before), she was arrested for having a weapon she was not permitted to have (one which was not specified on the record).

I am trying to calm down because I am pregnant, but I have woken up the last three mornings, just so angry. "You were out of control and deserved it."

From what you are saying, it sounds like your family certainly was dysfunctional and insensitive, and I think it could be labeled as abuse.

I can tell you are still really dealing with all those memories. I do suggest you see if you can find a therapist to help you work through some of your anger. And maybe avoid these relatives.

Please try to remember you are away from them now, so you can calm down some. I'd be mad at what your father said, too, though!

I would definitely stay away from that grandmother. Your dad must have effects from her too. She sounds toxic.