[TerryL]

The other day two boys were playing in the corridor outside the office where I work. Then I saw their dad come by. He felt they were being too loud and swatted them hard across their heads. He then made them stand against the wall. I wanted so badly to intervene but was afraid the father might take any kind of intervention out on his kids later on. The only thing I felt was safe to do was while their father was in one of the offices, I just gently patted the boys on their shoulders. After some mulling I am wondering if I should have confronted the father right then and there, and consequences be damned. at least the boys would have seen that someone felt what was happening to them was wrong. or should I have taken the father aside to talk? We all know about the cycle of abuse and I am sure the father had suffered similar punishments while growing up. Should I have taken him aside and told him "I am sorry that someone must have treated you that way when you were growing up...but you can stop the cycle"?

[happiedasiy]

Originally Posted by TerryL

The other day two boys were playing in the corridor outside the office where I work. Then I saw their dad come by. He felt they were being too loud and swatted them hard across their heads. He then made them stand against the wall. I wanted so badly to intervene but was afraid the father might take any kind of intervention out on his kids later on. The only thing I felt was safe to do was while their father was in one of the offices, I just gently patted the boys on their shoulders. After some mulling I am wondering if I should have confronted the father right then and there, and consequences be damned. at least the boys would have seen that someone felt what was happening to them was wrong. or should I have taken the father aside to talk? We all know about the cycle of abuse and I am sure the father had suffered similar punishments while growing up. Should I have taken him aside and told him "I am sorry that someone must have treated you that way when you were growing up...but you can stop the cycle"?

Intervention infront of the children probally would end badly for the children later at home due to fathers embarrassment in the workplace.
Provding the children some comfort was a good thing.

Taking the father aside state you understand how frustating 2 young boys can be but there is never a cause for hitting children. It is inappropriate and unacceptable.
Thats it, if you see it again and you feel unsafe report him to the authorities, make a report, make a copy then send to HR.
Humanity this is our job/responsability now or face the consequences 10 years from now. .
Too many times have I seen
I see a 6 yearold girl told to watch 2 children an infant and another in a carriage while the parents disappeared for over an 2 hours. I felt horrible, just like you so I went to the girl and asked if she was okay because she started to cry. I looked her in eyes said you are a good girl and one day soon your life will be much better but u have to stay in school and no babies untill you gradulate collage.
Every word I said she looked at me and said thank you and gave me a hug and a big smile. Soon one parent returned and talked so downly on the little girl and took all 3 away, the little 6year old looked back and was sad but smiled.

Too many times have I see
parents unloading thier anger/frustration upon children.
I could go on and on but the point is if you see something, say something.

I was kept in my crib for 1 1/2 years never let out of my crib. I didn't crawl, unable to stand, non verbal, malnourished, dehydrated, my hip socket decomposed and it was because a neighbor who knew I was born but never saw me called the police and I was rescued close to death and had many surgeries and it took until i was 4 before I came out of my wheelchair and for me to walk.
One person wh is dead now had the courage to do something.

[BrokenNBeautiful]

When I was being abused by my aunt, Ani and met; I was ten. One night, my aunt had sent me to my room and I was crying. No, he did not intervene. But he passed my closed door and I hear him go, "Carol, you're a good kid."

Although I did not believe it at the time, it still made me feel better and more able to cope with the rest of the night.

You did good.

I often see parents abuse children in public and a couple of times, I have almost quietly walked over somewhere, and called the cops. I did not actually do that but I came close.

Carol

[TerryL]

Originally Posted by happiedasiy

I was kept in my crib for 1 1/2 years never let out of my crib. I didn't crawl, unable to stand, non verbal, malnourished, dehydrated, my hip socket decomposed and it was because a neighbor who knew I was born but never saw me called the police and I was rescued close to death and had many surgeries and it took until i was 4 before I came out of my wheelchair and for me to walk.
One person wh is dead now had the courage to do something.

Thank you for your advice and for sharing your story happiedasiy. I'm sorry that happened to you. I know you have suffered a lot. Next time I will be more prepared as to what I should do. (((Many hugs)))

[TerryL]

Originally Posted by BrokenNBeautiful

When I was being abused by my aunt, Ani and met; I was ten. One night, my aunt had sent me to my room and I was crying. No, he did not intervene. But he passed my closed door and I hear him go, "Carol, you're a good kid."

Although I did not believe it at the time, it still made me feel better and more able to cope with the rest of the night.

Carol

Thank you Carol for sharing your story. It really gives me insight as to what I should do if this situation ever comes up again and unfortunately I am sure it will. wishing (((you))) much peace and happiness.

[Solepa]

I´m glad there are people like you TerryL who see a situation like this and tries to help and do something about it. Even just the fact you are giving it your time and thoughts. Thank you for that.
For me this is hard because I live in culture where hitting children is normal way of discipline, it is not illegal and it is socialy acceptable and even seen as a good thing in most. I was in Afrika few months ago and i saw some very extreme abuse there done to small children and I just could not do anything at the moment (it is again normal thing there) and because I was in a bus i could not even get away from it so I just cried with the child hearing her screams of terror it was one of the most horrible experiences ever in my life I would never forget it.
But what do you do when there is nothing wrong with it in the eyes of the local people? You could only try to change their view in long long educational proces you can spread awareness and you teach next generation.....and I that we DO. But at the moment of it happening you just have to be a bystander which is the hardest thing I ever had to do.

[nicoleflynn]

"When good men do nothing, evil continues" Elie Wiesel

[happiedasiy]

Originally Posted by TerryL

Thank you Carol for sharing your story. It really gives me insight as to what I should do if this situation ever comes up again and unfortunately I am sure it will. wishing (((you))) much peace and happiness.

To all those who have suffered abuse know it when they see it.
First, you have to consider where you are and your safety.
But we speak out and tell our personal story when ever we can.
Untill this behavior is nolonger exceptable anywhere.

Carol, you are a good girl!!

[TerryL]

Originally Posted by Solepa

For me this is hard because I live in culture where hitting children is normal way of discipline, it is not illegal and it is socialy acceptable and even seen as a good thing in most.

that must be so frustrating. in the old days it might be an uphill battle to try to change things but i wonder if social media could spread the word more quickly? i also wish parenting classes and therapy were free for everyone.

[Solepa]

Originally Posted by TerryL

that must be so frustrating. in the old days it might be an uphill battle to try to change things but i wonder if social media could spread the word more quickly? i also wish parenting classes and therapy were free for everyone.

It is very hard to find balance in discipline. People here see it as if you don´t hit your children you spoil them (Also parents put childen down here a lot, giving them low self esteem). And the media is not helping at all. In USA movies children behave in way that would be absolutely unacceptable here they have no respect for their parents or others. We see the news from USA all the time about children and teenagers doing horrible things and here paople say: "See that is because they don´t hit them anymore."
Also here are some parents who practice the "free" upbringing style which means the children are led to do anything they please, no rules, no respect. These parents are the once that strongly discurage hitting children but their own children usually behave in horrible spoiled way and so it has exactly the opposite effect. People again see that if you don´t hit you create spoiled brats. Here are not many examples of nicely behaved children without physical panishment people don´t get to see it is possible and that it is not just all about if to hit or not. It is so much more about the respect on both sides and boundaries and stuff...........And that is shame, but for the younger generation I think it is changing.

Then it is also hard to determine what is abuse and what is not If my family would live in USA I´m sure I would be cosidered as abused, here it was just kind of normal-ish.