[topgun7480]

I use to take showers almost everyday and brush my teeth when we first got marrried.. I been married to my wife since 1989.. For many years she always calling me names.. For example... lazy.. fat...stupid.. moron...idiot.. Also everytime she makes a mistake.. she ends up blaming me for it.. Would years of that cause me not wanting to take showers everyday and not brushing my teeth ?

[NWgirl2013]

Yep, because she makes you feel like there is no point. But there is a point. You have to remember that YOU ARE WORTH IT. Being clean feels good, no one, not even your wife can take that away from you. So...do it for you. You take care of yourself, for yourself.

Emotional abuse makes you feel bad, and doubt yourself. I hope you can find some help, maybe a counselor or very good friend that you can talk to. And there are plenty of very nice, compassionate, wise people here. Always just a keypad away ...
And don't believe the mean words anymore. They aren't true. I wish you only the very best.

Originally Posted by NWgirl2013

Yep, because she makes you feel like there is no point. But there is a point. You have to remember that YOU ARE WORTH IT. Being clean feels good, no one, not even your wife can take that away from you. So...do it for you. You take care of yourself, for yourself.

Emotional abuse makes you feel bad, and doubt yourself. I hope you can find some help, maybe a counselor or very good friend that you can talk to. And there are plenty of very nice, compassionate, wise people here. Always just a keypad away ...
And don't believe the mean words anymore. They aren't true. I wish you only the very best.

I agree with this...

I was emotionally abused too so I can see why you would feel the need to let yourself go, Low self esteem etc.. I am wondering are you still with your wife and if so is she still so horrible with her words?

[topgun7480]

Originally Posted by NWgirl2013

Yep, because she makes you feel like there is no point. But there is a point. You have to remember that YOU ARE WORTH IT. Being clean feels good, no one, not even your wife can take that away from you. So...do it for you. You take care of yourself, for yourself.

Emotional abuse makes you feel bad, and doubt yourself. I hope you can find some help, maybe a counselor or very good friend that you can talk to. And there are plenty of very nice, compassionate, wise people here. Always just a keypad away ...
And don't believe the mean words anymore. They aren't true. I wish you only the very best.

Thanks for your advice NWGirl... Also this is example how bad it is.. Last summer we went out to eat. After finish eating.. we got into my car and then open my water bottle to take a drink. She then yelled at me saying, " WHAT YOU DOING!!! You know everytime you drink water that you have to pee later on..SO TURN THE CAR AROUND NOW AND FORGET ABOUT US GOING TO THE STORE!!!! I told her if i were to use the rest room.. the department stores has rest rooms..

Another example.... She got very upset because i wouldnt check the mail because it was raining outside.I said i would check it after it stop raining. Told me not to touch her or talk to her rest of night.

[topgun7480]

Originally Posted by Buttercup..

I agree with this...

I was emotionally abused too so I can see why you would feel the need to let yourself go, Low self esteem etc.. I am wondering are you still with your wife and if so is she still so horrible with her words?

Thanks Buttercup... Yes i am still with her and wish she wasnt so mean with her words..

[shezbut]

I am so sorry.

I definitely agree with the posters above. Has your wife always been so cruel towards you, or did this begin sometime after you got married to her? Were you in abusive relationships before she came along? Was she??

The examples that you've given of recent remarks just blow me away. I wouldn't be real eager to do whatever I could to please her either. There is no evidence of possible rewards for taking care of yourself for her ~ she treats you crummy either way! The important motivation to grab a hold of & hold onto is YOURSELF. You deserve better!

Take care of yourself to make yourself feel good. It does take some effort at first, but soon, the feel-good hormones do kick into gear and reward you for caring for yourself. Go work out, to relieve stress and anxiety (it also helps fight depression). Take daily showers mindfully. Let yourself enjoy the sensation of the warm water coming down upon you lovingly. Try to look at it as though the water is washing your mind clean. No problems or troubles weighing on your mind ~ you are free to simply enjoy the scent of soap and shampoo, the feeling of your hands massaging your head with shampoo and feeling the soap slither through your hands onto your body, the relaxing sound of the water hitting the tile, hum or sing a song that you enjoy, etc. Those 2 things are great relievers of stress and depression!

Another tip: work with a T (therapist) to get yourself into a healthy state of mind, and stand up for yourself. If you really feel that there is some love in this marriage, do what you can to get her to attend couple's counseling with you. Otherwise, you are way better off without her. Your wife's frequent put-downs and snide remarks need to stop either way.

Very best wishes to you & welcome to Psych Central!