[Confused213]

I'm not questioning the validity of anyone's experience, but for my personal assurance:
How are you sure it happened?

How can you differentiate between something your subconscious created and something that legitimately happened?

Thanks, sorry, I'm just trying to figure out my childhood. Thanks

[mandazzle]

I can't provide an answer to the question you are asking, but I just want to share that I can relate because I am going through the same thing right now. Have you been working on this with your T?

[Confused213]

Originally Posted by mandazzle

I can't provide an answer to the question you are asking, but I just want to share that I can relate because I am going through the same thing right now. Have you been working on this with your T?

I don't have a therapist yet, but I'm about to get one

[shezbut]

The same images and physical sensations have been brought up repeatedly throughout my life, which I absolutely HATED! As fast as I could (which wasn't fast enough for me), I would push those feelings and memories away. These times tend to come when I was relaxed and happy within the relationship, not when everything was new. When stability came, that's when I would relax enough to let that barrier down inside myself --->instant panic and memories barged in.

With an incident that occurred between my older brother and myself, I told my parents several times ~ each time thinking it was the first time they'd ever heard about it, because I repressed those memories along with the sexual stuff.

That's how it worked in my case.

[Millitoria]

This is a very difficult thing to tackle. For me, most of my repressed memories clearly related to the abuse I already knew had happened so they seemed very likely to me to be true memories.

However, I have some memories now of abuse happening at a much younger age which are harder to figure out. I *think* I can determine where I was, and it's a place I know I have been and only went to with my abuser, so it seems possible. But it is so hard to tell. For me, I have tried to figure out the where and the when, roughly, so that I can figure out how likely it was to have happened. Then I have asked questions of people who might know some of the details around it. For instance, I remember being in a certain place with my father, when I was still a toddler. So I asked an adult I trust who was in our lives at the time if they can remember me ever going there with him when I was a kid. They didn't ask why I was asking, but where able to tell me that yes, my father often took me there when I was very young. That for me creates a strong case for believing the memories are of things that really happened.

I realise that it isn't always possible to do that. You might not have a clear idea where you were, what age you were, who you were with. Or you might not be in touch with someone who could verify that you were in such a place, with such a person etc. None of which would mean it didn't happen, but it wouldn't be able to confirm that at least some part of your memories are real either.

The sad truth is sometimes it's just impossible to know, one way or the other. What I would say is that recurrent memories, dreams of flashes of abuse seem unlikely to happen unless they have some grounding in reality. So you may never know the what, the where and the when, but I would say you could be fairly certain that something did happen.

I hope that helps and I'm sorry this is something you are having to deal with.

Milli

x

[Confused213]

Originally Posted by Millitoria

This is a very difficult thing to tackle. For me, most of my repressed memories clearly related to the abuse I already knew had happened so they seemed very likely to me to be true memories.

However, I have some memories now of abuse happening at a much younger age which are harder to figure out. I *think* I can determine where I was, and it's a place I know I have been and only went to with my abuser, so it seems possible. But it is so hard to tell. For me, I have tried to figure out the where and the when, roughly, so that I can figure out how likely it was to have happened. Then I have asked questions of people who might know some of the details around it. For instance, I remember being in a certain place with my father, when I was still a toddler. So I asked an adult I trust who was in our lives at the time if they can remember me ever going there with him when I was a kid. They didn't ask why I was asking, but where able to tell me that yes, my father often took me there when I was very young. That for me creates a strong case for believing the memories are of things that really happened.

I realise that it isn't always possible to do that. You might not have a clear idea where you were, what age you were, who you were with. Or you might not be in touch with someone who could verify that you were in such a place, with such a person etc. None of which would mean it didn't happen, but it wouldn't be able to confirm that at least some part of your memories are real either.

The sad truth is sometimes it's just impossible to know, one way or the other. What I would say is that recurrent memories, dreams of flashes of abuse seem unlikely to happen unless they have some grounding in reality. So you may never know the what, the where and the when, but I would say you could be fairly certain that something did happen.

I hope that helps and I'm sorry this is something you are having to deal with.

Milli

x

Thanks, everyone.

My sister had verified that I was alone often with my uncle. Additionally, we did spend the night at my uncle's house and she said, "if you spent the night at his house, it's likely that you went to a beer barn"
(I have a moderately sketchy memory with my uncle at a beer barn)

So, three things have been verified. Still, the most crucial information is missing and I'm not sure if I'll ever know what happened, if anything serious at all.

Thanks