[planejane13]

When I was about 8 or 9 I was molested by my brother. My alcoholic abusive father saw him enter the bathroom where I was showering and after the incident called us both outside to talk to us. He said he "knew what we did" and was angry. I think because of his reaction Ive been afraid to say anything to anyone up until recently. I have blocked a lot of memories, what I do remember is a dark house filled with beer cans and gun shot holes in the walls and a sad abused mother. I saw my father try to kill my mother and his girlfriends after, I saw him rape my mother, he beat her and my brother. I have a relationship with my brother still. Im 27 and have never spoken to him about it. I have told my boyfriend and family members and they are shocked. My sister says she thinks the reason he did it is because he was being abused by my father. I refuse to tell my mother because I think it would break her and shes been through so much in life already. When I was about 20 I was invited to a party and didnt have a ride. My brother sent a "friend" to pick me up. The friend said the party was over (after hed been driving a while) and was drinking in the vehicle. He stopped at a lake and raped me. He had a gun in his back seat and though I pleaded and said no and was crying, I still feel like I could have done more to fight him. I was scared and Im a small framed woman and didnt think I could do much without him shooting me. But I feel guilty. I was sexually harrasses by my boss a few months ago and lost my job and thethough I pressed charges and he is a registered sex offender (sodomy in the 3rd degree, 5 underage boys) he just got a slap on the hand. No fines, no time served. Hes back to being an upstanding businessman in the town where I live.
I am now in a relationship with a man I love but has an alcohol problem. He told me he was abused as a child, repeatedly. My mother recently came to me and told me she was abused by her babysitter as a child repeatedly and before the mans court date he burned her house down. The family was camping and he didnt know it. The police couldnt prove it was him who started the fire. I was told recently that my aunt was made by her husband for 13 years to have sex with his friends. He would invite them over and send her in the bedroom while he waited in the living room. My boyfriend told me his sister was abused by her brother repeatedly.
It seems everyone I know has been abused. I am shocked at the amount. It saddens me. I feel for everyone who has gone through similar tramas and just want you to know youre not alone. Anyways, i just wanted to share my story and wish you all well.

[planejane13]

I must add that my brother is now over protective of me. He is cautious of every man I date and has been good to me. Do you think this is his way of saying hes sorry? He got drunk at a party once and told me he was sorry (didnt say about what) and that he loved me very much. He had tears in his eyes. I feel like it was his apology. I forgive easily, I have low self esteem and avoid conflict. But I really know in my heart that he is not that teenager anymore. I know hed never do anything like that again yet talking to others, they seem to think Im absolutely off my rocker. I went through an emotional time because of what he did and Im ok now. I dont feel the need to talk to him because I feel hes made a heartfelt apology. Am I crazy?

[shezbut]

(((planejane13)))

I don't think that you're crazy. No. We just have different views on the topic. You are somehow able to look past yourself (your own abuse) and see the bigger picture, that you came from an abusive household.

Unfortunately, those households aren't as rare as they should be! That makes me very sad. I came from a sick family as well. I haven't had the ability (yet) to forgive most of my family. I have forgiven one of my sexual abusers, but I'm unable to forgive my brother at this point. It's also difficult for me to look past the illness in current society. VERY depressing to me!

Part of the abuse simply came along with my generation ~ that's the way that it was, and things got swept under the rug. Part of it came from alcoholism and drug abuse. Then another part came from (???) an unknown aspect.

If your brother seems genuinely sorry for what he did to you, and you're honestly able to accept that apology, kudos to you! You are a WONDERFUL person ~ I hope to someday have that strength inside of myself.

[planejane13]

Thank you for the kind words Shez. Im sorry for what youve gone through. I watched a documentary recently about a woman who was torchered in the holocaust and survived. She met with the doctor who had done horrible things to her and forgave him. She did it for herself, so she could have peace in her heart and move on. I think this has helped me along the way. I can definitely understand it being hard to forgive, I see the way my family and friends talk about their stories and it breaks my heart.
I do have anxiety about having children (if my body allows it someday) because of the world we live in. I cant even watch television barely because Im so uncomfortable with the commercials and sex scenes. I sometimes want to run away to a cabin in the middle of nowhere. :-P I suppose all we can do is surround ourselves with loved ones and friends. Im so grateful for this website because of that. I wish you well and thanks again