[Runawaytrain025]

I have never in my life talked about the disturbing, heart crushing things that I endured in my past. And because of that I'm a ticking time bomb ready to explode. I'm so lost. I've lost everything good in me. I always thought I was tough because I didn't "talk about my problems". My whole life I was taught that talking about things that make you upset, makes you weak. I'm far from believing that now.
My mother can't even look me and my sister straight in the face, and that tears me up inside. The fact that I can't get a hug from my sister without feeling disgusting, revults me. I was victimized by someone that managed to not only ruin my childhood, but also tear up the rest of my life as well. I can't deal with my shame anymore.

[Confessa]

Well, if this helps, my sister was abused sexually by our father. My father tried to hurt me but I ran away. I was 16. I stayed in a foster home for about a week and then returned home. That was back in the 70's. Back then, there was no one to turn to. I even went to the police and nothing was done. Now I am in my 50's. I am proud to say that even though I never sought counseling and went down this hard road by myself, I am stronger for having survived the horror lived as a child. I had a strong religious upbringing, and participated in all events, not to mention I was an athlete. But this incident tore me apart. I ran as far as I could and even tried to go to other countries to get away. But, one thing I do know and that is the truth. I cling to the truth about these events and there is nothing anyone can say or do to break me down and make me feel badly about it. This incident has torn me away from my family because I am the only one who spoke out. My family stilll is together including my sibling, son, grandbabies, etc. and I am the odd ball out. It is their loss they can't have a beautiful loving daughter around any more. Finally about 2 years ago I got up the courage to tell my mom and dad how I felt and how it tore me up for years and I finally said 'goodbye.' Of course, it doesn't mean anything to them. It was always my fault in their eyes or I was lying in their eyes, etc. I know in my heart that if no one loves me, I can love me and God can love me. Be the best person you can be, don't let anyone ever take away the sweet person you are... things will get back on track if you don't let 'crappy' people ruin your life.

[Runawaytrain025]

Thanks for the reply. I'm sorry to hear about what happened to you. Your story makes me feel that I can someday find the same strength you've built, even after all the pain. I understand what you mean with your parents not caring..my mom's the same way. she shows little emotion and doesn't want to talk about what happened. but I'll find my way eventually.

Originally Posted by Confessa

Well, if this helps, my sister was abused sexually by our father. My father tried to hurt me but I ran away. I was 16. I stayed in a foster home for about a week and then returned home. That was back in the 70's. Back then, there was no one to turn to. I even went to the police and nothing was done. Now I am in my 50's. I am proud to say that even though I never sought counseling and went down this hard road by myself, I am stronger for having survived the horror lived as a child. I had a strong religious upbringing, and participated in all events, not to mention I was an athlete. But this incident tore me apart. I ran as far as I could and even tried to go to other countries to get away. But, one thing I do know and that is the truth. I cling to the truth about these events and there is nothing anyone can say or do to break me down and make me feel badly about it. This incident has torn me away from my family because I am the only one who spoke out. My family stilll is together including my sibling, son, grandbabies, etc. and I am the odd ball out. It is their loss they can't have a beautiful loving daughter around any more. Finally about 2 years ago I got up the courage to tell my mom and dad how I felt and how it tore me up for years and I finally said 'goodbye.' Of course, it doesn't mean anything to them. It was always my fault in their eyes or I was lying in their eyes, etc. I know in my heart that if no one loves me, I can love me and God can love me. Be the best person you can be, don't let anyone ever take away the sweet person you are... things will get back on track if you don't let 'crappy' people ruin your life.

[nicoleflynn]

The blame and shame Do not belong to you; they belong to the abuser. Your anguish and all of your feelings will not just go away....when we ignore/deny them they keep cropping up emotionally...and physically. Are you in therapy? That would be a good start. Talking about the abuse is the first step in beginning to heal.