[Jannaku]

I have been psychologically abused for as long as I can remember thanks to my narcissistic husband. Most of the abuse is so subtle and well hidden that even I as a victim am often not aware that it even happening. It kills your soul.

I'm trying to get back in touch with my emotions/feelings after successfully blocking them out for years. As I process certain hurtful events that have happened the emotions are as raw and hurtful today as they were 10 or even 15 years ago.

One very, very hurtful thing which has raised its ugly head recently happened 14 years ago. I was pregnant with our second child and 11 weeks into the pregnancy I suffered a miscarriage. I can recall it like it was yesterday, because not only was the miscarriage traumatic, my husbands behavior was even worse. He watched TV in another room as if nothing was happening while I writhed around in pain and was bleeding for hours knowing full well that I was miscarrying. The most comforting words he could offer were "Take some more painkillers if its really that bad". I eventually passed the foetus into the toilet and then proceeded to tell him. He couldn't have given a **** about it and was irritated by the fact that I was interrupting him. He showed absolutely no compassion, caring or empathy whatsoever. I suffered terribly after this on two levels - the loss of my pregnancy and his lack of compassion. Now 14 years later it happened to come into conversation last weekend and he claims he has NO RECOLLECTION of me having a miscarriage or even being pregnant. This denial of reality felt like a knife stabbing me through the heart and sent me into an emotional and almost hysterical spin. Not only are my memories of this event painful he now has added to it by denying it even happened. Another form of abuse - insinuating that I am fabricating it and losing my mind.

That's psychological abuse at its finest and because there are no bruises or physical injuries its hidden and difficult to validate. It is amazing how he can literally shred my life to pieces sitting in an armchair without even lifting a finger.

Just had to share this and get it off my chest.

[Hoonoo]

I had similar abuse the first 25 years of life. Hugs to you and hang in there

[Big Mama]

hey dear, I have been in the very same place. I had several miscarriages. One time in-particular my H knew I was in a great deal of pain both mentally and physically, and he took advantage of the situation. HE knew I didn't feel like fighting. I had an indoor cat that he hated, not just that cat, he is an animal hater. but any way he asked could he take kitty for a drive in the country and dump him. HE did. The tears from pain, and the tears from the emotional loss and the tears that he would stoop so low just would not stop.

Unfortunately I do know what kind of monster you are married to. I am glad you are in T. Keep going and you will gain so much needed stregnth.