[fotini]

Hello,

This is my first thread and I would like to ask anyone if they can give me their opinion on the matter.

I was sexually and physically abused by my father growing up, and as expected I grew up and kept to myself most of the time. I have come to a point where I feel that I need to say something about every hurt I felt. I want to sit my mom and tell her . I want to go to the few friends I have and explain to them how I feel about them treating me. I just feel that I need to just say it all.

I think it would make me have less anger and bitterness and hurt towards the world but do you think it's a good idea?
Or am I just going around and complaining about my feelings ?

I feel that I want to say so much, not in an angry way. I just want to sit down with the people in my life individually and tell them that when you do this, it makes me feel like that, could we find a middle ground, and I want to say that in a calm manner. I honestly believe that it will make my hurt lessen lessen.But at the same time, I'm not sure if that's a good idea.

Your thoughts on the matter will be appreciated, thank you

[tinyrabbit]

It's really difficult to advise without knowing what it is they're doing. Sometimes we are right in feeling angry about how we are treated and sometimes the feelings are displaced from elsewhere.

I'm so sorry you were abused growing up. I hope you find PC helpful - welcome!

[kaliope]

Hi fotini
welcome to psych central. you certainly sound like you are at a place that you want to make peace. it all sounds so simple. have you considered what you would do if people don't follow the plan? if they resist and get defensive with you? yes they have hurt you and you just want to express the impact that has made in your life so that you can move on, but others may not want to accept hearing what they have done. how will that make you feel when they try to minimize their deeds? will it bring the pain up once again for you? are you emotionally capable of getting all this out? I think what you want to do is great. im not trying to rain on your parade. I just think you need to be careful and consider all the variables. I confronted my dad, wrote him a letter, I wasn't ready. I had a breakdown and was committed against my will. so just make sure you are prepared because it isn't easy as it seems. in the longrun, it was the best thing for me, getting it out. it was the first step in my healing process. I just should have done it differently. take care.

[nicoleflynn]

It is important to let others know when they hurt us. This can be done in a respectful way. I love the term, "restorative justice." That means, this is what you did, this is how it made me feel. Usually if that person is/has been abusive, they will deny it, but "restorative justice" is about how YOU feel. You can also write a letter, and that way the person can't interrupt and argue with you. I think beginning with your mom would be a good idea (not knowing her, I can't know that), but if she has been a loving mom, she would want t know.

[BLUEDOVE]

I go along with Nicole-write letters.In my experience
people do not like being told they hurt you.That
means they did something wrong,and nobody likes
to be told they did wrong.Can you get counseling?
And before you tell those who hurt you,that they
did,learn something about assertiveness.That,and
some books on psychology and abuse. There is a
load of RE-EDUCATION you have to do,please
trust me on this; it is the ONE SINGLE THING
you need to do-both for yourself,and your
communications with others. Remember,no matter
what anyone else says, you have a RIGHT to say
what you feel,if people don't like it . . .too bad.
Please let us know how you progress.
Deepest Respect,
BLUEDOVE