[madworld88]

I am a 25 year old woman who endured a childhood of severe emotional neglect and emotional abuse.

I have generalized anxiety disorder, some OCD, depersonalization disorder, social anxiety disorder, and depression.

All because of my 'self-centered, almighty, more important than his kids' father. I feel like I have no one right now. My mother is a co-narcissist, so if I try and talk with her, she stands up for him immediately and starts a huge argument by calling me ungrateful.

Why do parents like this think that just because a child has food in their stomach and a bed to sleep in that they're okay? I remember being emotionally neglected my whole life. Sitting in my room, terrified of my father screaming at my mother. No one ever asked how I was. I just came home from school and went into my room. Cried until the yelling stopped. That was my life.

I've been depressed my whole life until a couple of years ago. I finally picked myself up and have gotten myself together (well, still trying.) I met my fiance and he makes me happy. But they don't. They are against him because they know he makes me happy. I'm sick of it. I feel so down again when I should be celebrating from going through what I went through. I feel empty, lost, and hopeless. It's like they still control me and they want me to be miserable just like them. I found texts last night on my mothers phone between her and my dad saying horrible things about my fiance. And then she smiled to his face and said how excited she was about the wedding. It makes me sick.

Is there anyone here who has a problem like this? Anyone here who was emotionally neglected as a child? Any adult children of narcissists? I feel so empty right now....

[BrokenNBeautiful]

I was. And just because you have food, shelter, and clothing does not mean you are okay.

I did get basic care, but my caregiver did not love me.

You are not alone.

thanks for sharing this and validating *me*.

Carol

[A Red Panda]

Yeah... I get that. I'm fairly sure that my mom and younger brother are both narcissists... to at least some extent. Life was hell growing up. I still don't really know who the genuine me is because I was trained from SO early on to behave and appear certain ways. I counted down the days pretty much until I could get OUT of the house.

[tinyrabbit]

I'm so sorry to hear this. I have similar issues with my parents - nice house, clean clothes so supposedly fine, but actually I was neglected in a lot of ways. I'm really glad your fiance makes you happy, and I think it's best if you focus on that and try to limit contact with your FOO (family of origin) as much as possible.

I do wonder, though, why you were looking through your mother's texts? I'd stay away from that, no good will come of it - it will just hurt you, by the sounds of it.

[nicoleflynn]

Yes, I was. We cannot change the past, but we can make our lives what we want them to be now. Because I wrote about my life (except for 3 years in the army.....abusive), I won a scholarship and am a sophomore at 66.

[adam_k]

Being a parent should be more than providing food shelter and clothes. There should also be emotional support and development and when that doesn't happen it leaves the child without a full sense of self. I don't know if I would call it abuse or neglect but my parents never really supported me emotionally. I felt alone and isolated a lot and I often and still do have difficulty expressing emotions. Being raised in an invalidating enviroment can lead to feelings of worthlessness. I think the important thing is to realize that your parents were wrong for the way they treated you and that you deserve respect and human dignity. It sounds like your fiance is supportive and gives you the love and support that your parents did not. Just because they are your parents doesn't mean they are always right or that you have to listen to them as an adult. You are free to live your life the way you want to make yourself happy.

[madworld88]

Thank you so much for your replies. It helps me greatly to know that their are others who actually understand.

I know I need to distance myself from them. I do, emotionally. But I'm still around them and it can get hard on me but I'm still dealing with the guilt that I am conditioned to have. I find that narcissists will make you feel guilty even if you've done nothing wrong.

My brother is showing signs of narcissism. My mother openly favors him.

Honestly though guys, I have learned a lot from the miserable experiences I've had as a child. I know exactly what NOT to do for when I become a mother in the near future. I will NEVER shout near my future children and I will NEVER favor one over the other. I will always ask them how they are and actually care. In a way, these experiences can make us better.

Thank you all for your posts

[madworld88]

Originally Posted by adam_k

Being a parent should be more than providing food shelter and clothes. There should also be emotional support and development and when that doesn't happen it leaves the child without a full sense of self. I don't know if I would call it abuse or neglect but my parents never really supported me emotionally. I felt alone and isolated a lot and I often and still do have difficulty expressing emotions. Being raised in an invalidating enviroment can lead to feelings of worthlessness. I think the important thing is to realize that your parents were wrong for the way they treated you and that you deserve respect and human dignity. It sounds like your fiance is supportive and gives you the love and support that your parents did not. Just because they are your parents doesn't mean they are always right or that you have to listen to them as an adult. You are free to live your life the way you want to make yourself happy.

Your absolutely right!

I also have a hard time expressing my emotions. I'm 25 and I've only recently realized it. I'm working on it because I don't want to be a straight-faced person. I want to express myself.

[madworld88]

Originally Posted by nicoleflynn

Yes, I was. We cannot change the past, but we can make our lives what we want them to be now. Because I wrote about my life (except for 3 years in the army.....abusive), I won a scholarship and am a sophomore at 66.

Awesome! I'm thinking about writing something about my childhood too.

Honestly, going through a childhood with narcissists for parents can make an heart-wrenching story. A good read. ....Sadly.

[sbabangl]

.....my fiance has NC parents & family and it's destroying him and us. He feels obligated yes he knows it's wrong and that he's miserable. It's very heart-wrenching. Is there anything I can do to help him? Make him see that he has options and that he can be happy?

[A Red Panda]

Yeah.. it's really hard being in that situation. I, well, I don't love my parents or my younger brother. I realised that when I was 7! I've tried so so so hard to love them, but I don't. I feel horrible and guilt-ridden and it never goes away. I try so hard to be a great daughter about it.. and yet I'm not.

I don't have an easy time sharing emotions either. Like.. I share them, but sometimes I'm not sure if it's really what I'm feeling. It was very much a situation at home where you did NOT express your feelings (aside from anger... which I held that in all the time too until I finally reacted how they wanted me to and blew up!) and there was certainly no affection. I tend to either be withdrawn from people in any way that matters to me (I'm a great pretender and anything that doesn't CURRENTLY hurt me to talk about? I'll share openly so people tend to think I'm a lot more trusting than I am... I try to be, but I'm just not.) or I overshare and tell them every single thought and emotion.

Neither which is a good way to react! I'm 28 and still trying to find a middle balance.

[Liz07]

Originally Posted by madworld88

I am a 25 year old woman who endured a childhood of severe emotional neglect and emotional abuse.

I have generalized anxiety disorder, some OCD, depersonalization disorder, social anxiety disorder, and depression.

All because of my 'self-centered, almighty, more important than his kids' father. I feel like I have no one right now. My mother is a co-narcissist, so if I try and talk with her, she stands up for him immediately and starts a huge argument by calling me ungrateful.

Why do parents like this think that just because a child has food in their stomach and a bed to sleep in that they're okay? I remember being emotionally neglected my whole life. Sitting in my room, terrified of my father screaming at my mother. No one ever asked how I was. I just came home from school and went into my room. Cried until the yelling stopped. That was my life.

I've been depressed my whole life until a couple of years ago. I finally picked myself up and have gotten myself together (well, still trying.) I met my fiance and he makes me happy. But they don't. They are against him because they know he makes me happy. I'm sick of it. I feel so down again when I should be celebrating from going through what I went through. I feel empty, lost, and hopeless. It's like they still control me and they want me to be miserable just like them. I found texts last night on my mothers phone between her and my dad saying horrible things about my fiance. And then she smiled to his face and said how excited she was about the wedding. It makes me sick.

Is there anyone here who has a problem like this? Anyone here who was emotionally neglected as a child? Any adult children of narcissists? I feel so empty right now....

My life sounds very similar to what yours was/is. My whole life I have also had social anxiety disorder and depression along with anxiety and ADHD. I am 25 years old and my father has Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), so my 3 siblings and I were emotionally abused by him our entire lives, and still are (except for my older sister, who is the golden child to my father). My parents have been divorced my entire life due to my father's womanizing, alcoholism, and cheating on my mother. I have also been experiencing recent troubles with my parents, especially with my father, since my fiancé and I started planning our wedding.

Feel free to PM me, madworld88 - I have also been searching these forums for someone who understands what I've been (and currently am) going through!

[Liz07]

Originally Posted by madworld88

Thank you so much for your replies. It helps me greatly to know that their are others who actually understand.

I know I need to distance myself from them. I do, emotionally. But I'm still around them and it can get hard on me but I'm still dealing with the guilt that I am conditioned to have. I find that narcissists will make you feel guilty even if you've done nothing wrong.

My brother is showing signs of narcissism. My mother openly favors him.

Honestly though guys, I have learned a lot from the miserable experiences I've had as a child. I know exactly what NOT to do for when I become a mother in the near future. I will NEVER shout near my future children and I will NEVER favor one over the other. I will always ask them how they are and actually care. In a way, these experiences can make us better.

Thank you all for your posts

My brother is showing signs of narcissism, too. He treats our mother much like Dad would... pointing his finger at her when he thinks he's right and she's wrong, telling her she's overreacting, says mean things to her and then gets angry at whoever tries to stand up to him. I hate seeing that. I told my Mom the other day that he is narcissistic and her eyes got big and did not respond.

I also feel that I have learned a lot from my experiences as a child. I had to grow up way too fast. I know precisely what kind of marriage I DO NOT want and what kind of parent I WILL NOT be, along with what kind of father I know my fiancé will not be. When I met him I was purposely searching for a man who was nothing like my father. Most people think that's horrible of me, but it's not. I am definitely more wise and insightful due to my experiences.

[grey_]

Originally Posted by Liz07

My brother is showing signs of narcissism, too. He treats our mother much like Dad would... pointing his finger at her when he thinks he's right and she's wrong, telling her she's overreacting, says mean things to her and then gets angry at whoever tries to stand up to him. I hate seeing that. I told my Mom the other day that he is narcissistic and her eyes got big and did not respond.

I also feel that I have learned a lot from my experiences as a child. I had to grow up way too fast. I know precisely what kind of marriage I DO NOT want and what kind of parent I WILL NOT be, along with what kind of father I know my fiancé will not be. When I met him I was purposely searching for a man who was nothing like my father. Most people think that's horrible of me, but it's not. I am definitely more wise and insightful due to my experiences.

Hi Liz,
I do not have any good understanding of abuse from a narcissistic father, and the problems you are facing...
I suppose it's good you at least know the root of all the issues, recognizing the abuse in your own parents is difficult...

however i think you should consult a therapist for your depression and anxiety and other problems... your t may be able to help you sort out these problems that may help get appropriate solutions...

Keep searching these forums, i am sure you will keep finding more people going through similar things as you are, and everything you read will help you in some way or the other...
And don't lose heart if your post gets a delayed response. This happens, old posts are shifted behind, and then not seen...

Wish you well,

grey_

[Grey Matter]

Your dad sounds like mine. My parents are separated emotionally, but remain husband and wife. My father was very controlling, full of himself, selfish, and self centered. It was endless. And it took a toll on all of us until it snapped. I am so sorry you have gone through this. I am not in the best mind space right now, but I want you to know you're not alone. And there are people here who will always be here to talk. Please take care.

[echoesofagirl]

My mom has NPD. She was over-involved and extremely controlling though. She did not ignore me. She saw my sister and I as extensions of herself instead of separate individuals. To this day, the concept of us having our own feelings, thoughts, or desires completely evades her.

I highly recommend the book "Trapped In the Mirror: Adult Children of Narcissists in their Struggle for Self" by Elan Golomb.

[Liz07]

Originally Posted by grey_

Hi Liz,
I do not have any good understanding of abuse from a narcissistic father, and the problems you are facing...
I suppose it's good you at least know the root of all the issues, recognizing the abuse in your own parents is difficult...

however i think you should consult a therapist for your depression and anxiety and other problems... your t may be able to help you sort out these problems that may help get appropriate solutions...

Keep searching these forums, i am sure you will keep finding more people going through similar things as you are, and everything you read will help you in some way or the other...
And don't lose heart if your post gets a delayed response. This happens, old posts are shifted behind, and then not seen...

Wish you well,

grey_

Thanks for the response, grey. I have seen 2 therapists for my depression and anxiety, so I've had a little over a year of counseling. It has really helped, as I have learned how to make my depression and anxiety episodes more transient and less severe. The thing going on with me now is just that I am trying to learn how to become more emotionally independent of my father, which is near impossible with a narcissist. Anyway, thanks again for your response!

Originally Posted by Teen Idle

Your dad sounds like mine. My parents are separated emotionally, but remain husband and wife. My father was very controlling, full of himself, selfish, and self centered. It was endless. And it took a toll on all of us until it snapped. I am so sorry you have gone through this. I am not in the best mind space right now, but I want you to know you're not alone. And there are people here who will always be here to talk. Please take care.

Yes, my father sounds a lot like that. Thank you for your support; it means a lot to me! It is comforting to know that there are others out there who have gone through what I have.

Originally Posted by echoesofagirl

My mom has NPD. She was over-involved and extremely controlling though. She did not ignore me. She saw my sister and I as extensions of herself instead of separate individuals. To this day, the concept of us having our own feelings, thoughts, or desires completely evades her.

I highly recommend the book "Trapped In the Mirror: Adult Children of Narcissists in their Struggle for Self" by Elan Golomb.

That's how my father views my siblings and me--as extensions of himself--that is, up until the point one of us does something he isn't proud of (and, let me tell you, his values are terrible), and then he drops us altogether. He also does not possess any concept of us having our own thoughts or feelings, and if we bring our feelings into a situation that he is involved in, he tells us we're overreacting and that we need to "chill out." Thank you for the book recommendation--I was actually looking at that very same one on Amazon the other day, and so I think I am going to purchase it!