[She]

Dont want to remember

[mazing]

I definitely understand how you feel. The memories are never easy to deal with to begin with but in time, and with work they do become easier to manage and don't take over your life. Hang in there. Try to do things to relax and look after yourself. This can get easier.

[Mama Char-Lee]

I think - sometimes - it would be nice to wipe the slate clean. And then I remember that remembering keeps me from repeating past mistakes, and it keeps me from trusting most people. And I'm alright with that. *HUGS*

[She]

Last night was hard. I remember the foster brother walking into my bedroom and I actually could taste what he did. I cant even put what he actually did yet. I don't know how remembering this will help me. Will it? Or should I just leave it where it is......in memory.

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[Big Mama]

It would be nice if we could leave it in our memory wouldn't it. But it is better if you tell some one. I look at is as "I am giving it away" so it can no longer eat away at me. I was raped when I was 15 by an older boyfriend, more times then I can count. I didn't tell anyone for 20+ years. It ate at me, it set quietly in my head, it silently consumed my thoughts, it affected every relationship I had after that. UNTIL.... I gave it away, I gave it life, I gave it words, I gave it to my T. I shared it and now less of it lives inside of me. It still lives in me, but not as much of it. Now I can make sure it is not what I think about in romantic relationships, I can know I am not a fault, I know I am not alone, it is no longer my secret. These may not sound like huge things but over time they can slowly take away from your contentment with the life you live.

If you have a T talk about this please. If you don't have a T I would seriously consider one.

[mazing]

I agree with Big Mama here. As hard as those memories are now in time it often does eat at you if you don't find a way to address and overcome it, and for a lot of people talking about it is a great step. If you don't feel that you can talk about it could you write it down for yourself (through words, drawings, art - however you feel comfortable expressing the emotions) and then destroy the paper? Sometimes just the act of letting it out and then getting rid of it can help to ease some of the pain - it sounds strange but it does work. It can be confronting as it does force you to look at what you remember and the feelings behind it but most of the time it is so much better to let it out thsn try and bury it.

I really hope you can find a way to find some peace No-one deserves to have had to go through what you had to go through.