How did YOU know you had been abused?

This question is more directed towards SA, but any abuse really if you have input.

More so (also) dealing with repressed memories: how did you know? How did you recover them? How can you trust them?

Thanks

The incident that I referred to earlier, with my brother, was repressed repeatedly. Somehow, I'd get triggered ~ felt physically and emotionally different. Very uncomfortable feelings inside of me...slowly, I'd have little flashbacks to that night. I repressed these emotions and memories as much as possible.

Triggers for me: expression of love, sexual arousal (on screen or IRL)
I become VERY uncomfortable physically & emotionally. I don't like it! I have always been this way, but the event occurred when I was 5 or 6 years old.

When I was young, I would talk with my parents about this memory disturbing me. I never went into specifics, because I was too ashamed. Then, I'd repress the entire memory. I did this several times (but have no memory of any of these conversations). A few years ago, I finally described my memory of the event fully. They didn't believe me, because my description was always left at me kissing my brother. I hadn't told them where I kissed him before.

How do I trust this memory? I can still taste it. I remember the physical sensation. I remember my sister catching us and then yelling that this was disgusting, we're sick, etc. She's 4 years older & my brother is 3 years older than myself. I felt very, very dirty and instantly filled with shame. All of those feelings come back with the memory, they are attached.

I trust my memory, because I do recall it coming back over & over again. For whatever reason, I'm not repressing it this time. I still absolutely HATE it!!

I didn't understand it as a child. Only as I matured did the memories make me uncomfortable. Then I learned what abuse is. Then I knew.

I started therapy without quite knowing why I felt the need to go and then I listened to the stuff that was coming out of my mouth. I started looking back at things I hadn't questioned and realising they weren't ok.

I haven't been able to actively recover my repressed memories. Sometimes they just appear, usually in snapshots or fragments. I think you know in your gut if they feel real or not.