[Grey Matter]

TW; SEXUAL ASSAULT, ATTEMPTED RAPE, DRUG USE

When I was in junior high/high school, there was this person who stalked me. It began, grossly, in the 2nd grade. He would touch me, pull me around, etc.

When I turned 14, he began using drugs. And when he was as high as a kite, he would sit on my front lawn and scream my name. Police were called. He got off because he was "struggling". This happened about nine times in a two month period. He always got off.

Then, in 10th grade, he was gone. He got sent to a different school because of his behavior and drug use. And finally I felt free and safe. Then, 11th grade, middle of the year. He returned. And we ended up in the same gym class. He cornered me, held my arms to my side, and forced himself on me. Kissing me to the point where I couldn't breathe. I yelled, everyone ignored me. Maybe because of the genders. Maybe because no one cared. He tried getting into my shirt. It was terrible. I walked out of gym, numb, puked in the hallway, and managed to get to a dean.

And yet again; he didn't get in trouble. I was told he was struggling with depression. I said "So am I, but you don't see me assaulting people."

He sat on my lawn again. Cops called. Got away with it. Then, we graduated, and I moved, and I finally escaped. But I've heard he is being doing similar things to other people.

This person has an online profile on a dating website. I feel, as someone who was attacked by him, I should share through social media that he is someone who sexually assaults others. That he can potentially rape someone. My friend said I am vengeful. I am not. I am no longer angry. Still scared. Not angry. But I don't ever want someone else being stuck in that position.

I'm told if I do it, I am heartless.
I feel like if I don't, a lot of people are going to get hurt.

Advice?

[Poppy Princess]

I'd totally do it.

[Grey Matter]

I feel like I should. I know it isn't a crime to do so, I would just rather do so anonymously because I've managed to get as far away from him as I can. I am just truly terrified someone is going to get hurt more than I did. I don't give a damn at getting back at him, I care for those people who just might get hurt.

[rise__above]

Playing devil's advocate, here...

Perhaps he is a changed person, and wants the past behind him. I'm not sure if you know he's doing these things still, but I wouldn't say anything if I wasn't positive.

Sorry if my response has offended you. I know you must feel very strongly about this, having been assaulted by him.

[Grey Matter]

Going from what many people have said (a good friend of mine gets harassed by him) he hasn't changed much. He's back on drugs. He found her phone number and texts ridiculous things I can't even being to explain.

I don't believe sexual abusers change. I simply do not. But I am glad you brought balance into the conversation.

[phoenix7]

can your friends parents talk to his parents?

[Grey Matter]

We're all adults. He lives alone, he has ads up asking for people to come to his home. It just scares me.

[Poppy Princess]

It would be a good idea to do it. He clearly hasn't changed. Who cares about him? He's worthless. You'd be doing a good deed in ruining whatever is left of his miserable life.

[lynn P.]

I'm sorry this happened to you and upset the school and police didn't take action...that's ridiculous. I don't know how successful you'll be and certainly make sure this man doesn't find out. Him having mental issues doesn't excuse criminal behavior. Sitting on your lawn screaming is creepy. Sadly its seems like police will only notice when he commits a serious crime...not that yours wasn't.

Well, to begin with, there are laws against defamation. If you cannot substantiate the claims you make against this person, you risk a lawsuit. This is to protect others from their reputation being irreparably damaged at the whim of others.

Furthermore you indicate this man has a pattern of stalking, forcible restraint, M.I issues of various types. Would this action not intensify your "fear" ? Cause him to focus his energies upon you ?

You state you are not "vengeful, angry" ....you sure of that ? The drama of this man has shadowed a significant portion of ponderance. Would it take something from you to move on? You really are informed about this mans status, and patterns ....I mean, to some degree, I get that...but, on the other hand....hmmm. Things to think about anyway.

Just my thoughts, not really worth 2 cents, but wanted to reply.

[winter4me]

I say tell people, report. He is dangerous.

[eskielover]

I know when I went through the trauma with the home care person who manipulated her way into caring for my mother when she was dying of cancer, they stole her ID, wrote checks on her account that I caught & put a stop payment on before they could be cashed....& caught her on the phone giving applying for a credit card using my mother's ID. Claimed to be an Oncology RN in Calif working at a large hospital.....she was never an RN & didn't work at the hospital....found her alias from the check that she tried to write to herself.....anyway....after going through all of that, the police didn't have enough evidence to charge her with anything.....but I can assure you that her name & her alias come up out there with a serious warning from me when her name or her alias is googled.

She stole all of my mother's valuable jewelry the night before my mother got home from the hospital & she OD'ed my mother on her morphine the morning right after she had called the police accusing me of abusing my Mother....it was only with the OD that I was finally able to get my mother out of the house & back into the hospital & get that horrible lady out of the picture.....I think what she was really after was my mother's house because of some of the things she said to me when I was there...she didn't count on my never leaving my mother after she showed up, but I didn't feel comfortable & listened to that gut feeling even though I wasn't sure what it was all about at the time.

Another situation I had with the police in Albuquerque after my ID was stolen & my truck broken into at the motel & my $6000 silver flute stolen...the police did NOTHING about it & didn't even talk to the only guy that was at the hotel when I checked in that night. Their excuse...."no one was killed, we only focus on the really bad problems when someone is killed or physically harmed" NOthing else matters to them...but they don't understand, it they would catch some of the lower level crimes, they wouldn't go on to be the big ones in the long run.

OH.....get me started on this topic.......I know exactly how you feel....something needs to stop these people who are doing the little things wrong as society continues to degrade because NOTHING is done.

Ok, I'll get off my now

[rise__above]

Originally Posted by Lux_et_spes

Well, to begin with, there are laws against defamation. If you cannot substantiate the claims you make against this person, you risk a lawsuit. This is to protect others from their reputation being irreparably damaged at the whim of others.

Furthermore you indicate this man has a pattern of stalking, forcible restraint, M.I issues of various types. Would this action not intensify your "fear" ? Cause him to focus his energies upon you ?

You state you are not "vengeful, angry" ....you sure of that ? The drama of this man has shadowed a significant portion of ponderance. Would it take something from you to move on? You really are informed about this mans status, and patterns ....I mean, to some degree, I get that...but, on the other hand....hmmm. Things to think about anyway.

Just my thoughts, not really worth 2 cents, but wanted to reply.

I agree with all of this.

[growlycat]

Too many people have made excuses for him. Warning others may help someone keep safe

[Grey Matter]

Originally Posted by Lux_et_spes

Well, to begin with, there are laws against defamation. If you cannot substantiate the claims you make against this person, you risk a lawsuit. This is to protect others from their reputation being irreparably damaged at the whim of others.

Furthermore you indicate this man has a pattern of stalking, forcible restraint, M.I issues of various types. Would this action not intensify your "fear" ? Cause him to focus his energies upon you ?

You state you are not "vengeful, angry" ....you sure of that ? The drama of this man has shadowed a significant portion of ponderance. Would it take something from you to move on? You really are informed about this mans status, and patterns ....I mean, to some degree, I get that...but, on the other hand....hmmm. Things to think about anyway.

Just my thoughts, not really worth 2 cents, but wanted to reply.

The laws are irrelevant because it would not be defamation, I have the paper work proving he was reported for sexual assault/stalking and that he was "punished" by the school and that the police kept a "record", a copy of which I also have. I also have witness statements. I know my law, and I am not scared of it. If he didn't want this to happen, then he should have behaved like a decent human being. Drug problem or not. I was majorly depressed and I did not go around my high school assaulting fellow classmates.

I'm no longer scared of him because he no longer knows where I live. Where I study. He doesn't know of my last name change.

And yes, I am quite sure. There was no need to be condescending. I have moved on. I have accepted he damaged me, and that it wasn't right or fair, and now I am older and I am surrounded by people who care about me and protect me. I am informed of his status and patterns because he was harassing a friend of mine, and she provided the link information. I am terribly sorry that I don't want other people falling in his trap and having to work through what I, and others did, to get to a place of some form of safety.

If I post something and I am sure of myself and I make a statement that I am not longer vengeful or angry, please do not question me or assume that I am still bitter. Why would I lie on a forum? To make myself seem more stable on a forum for those with mental illness? it would be pointless. I have bigger things going on. My only concern is that he'll turn into the big problem for someone else.

Thank you all for the replies. I sent an email out to friends to keep them warned. If I need to do more, I will.

[BrokenNBeautiful]

I will tack on my own: Someone needs to tell and I am glad you are telling. If you know your law, you do. You are doing your recovery/healing process and telling and I commend you! It takes a lot of courage. People will strike back and they know what they did. Good for you!

Carol

[Grey Matter]

Thank you, Carol <3

For anyone else who may be thinking this is me doing an attack just to get even; I'm not. I went into treatment right after this happened. I worked very, very hard to get to a point where I accepted that this was not my fault. I did not just let him harm me. He was horrible, did something horrible, and I had to manage through that as best as I could.

Some replies here almost seemed like victim blaming. "If you're not angry, why bother?" "YOU could get in trouble". This has nothing to do with anger or resentment. I will admit on my first post here, I was timid. Mainly because it's hard to shake that feeling of abuse and feeling like YOU'RE doing something wrong when you know you've done nothing of the sort. If he did not want this to happen; he should have respected other people. If he did not want to be shown for what he is; then he should have behaved better.

I am not the bad one for warning others. If anything, I think I am the opposite.

This statement isn't to everyone here, you've all been incredibly helpful. I am just saying to others that it may be best to voice your "concerns" better. Rather than saying "you sure you're not angry?" ask "why is this scaring you now?".

Oh, I feel awful now? You have to prepare to have a bit of clashing in opinion in public now and then. Why not be more direct? My reply was based off you 1 being a stranger, and, 2 not having had you elaborate. Upon further shedding light, well....maybe. But, the questions beg to be asked....and I doubt it didn't run though a few minds. Anyway....and ...just address me directly. Don't use phrases like..."Some replies here" I mean 1 +1=2 right?

[Grey Matter]

You don't need to feel awful. I think you just need to be more aware of the context within a statement and how questioning someone, who had clearly stated that this is not for "revenge", with "are you sure?" is a bit condescending. And a bit offensive. Not to mention it made me feel like I am some damaged, obsessive person since I knew a social networking address. I used a phrase as "some replies here" because it wasn't just you.

I understand.

[BrokenNBeautiful]

I did get retaliated on, for putting a review somewhere to warn people about a place of business I went to and they told me to take down the review. I did, but I told them, by email, that I did not have any hard feelings toward them, nor was I accusing anyone. I was just warning the public about weird behavior and they just didn't like it. They felt threatened by a loss of patronage, but I did not believe I was doing anything wrong. I was afraid that they might sue me if I kept the review up. So I took it down. But again, not without a word to them about it.

Don't ever be afraid to warn people. Just do it judiciously. You arent' doing anything wrong.

Carol

[Soul_Sister]

I would do it! That isn't being vengeful, it's warning people so he can't do it again. He has no right to act that way just because he is depressed. =/

[avoice]

I to would do it same crap happen to me..

[velcro003]

I also would do it anonymously of course