[granolagal30]

Shortly after I turned 18 I went through a very traumatic sexual abuse/repeated rape situation with a friend of the family. I spent several years not talking about it, and have only really discussed it a hand full of times throughout therapy when I was 20-21. My family is aware, but it has not been discussed since it initially happened and things came out. None of my friends even my closest friend that I consider to be a sister knows about it. It's not that I deliberately hide it, but I moved on with my life many years ago and just do not dwell on it.

I'm now turning 30, and preparing to move forward with my boyfriend engagement/marriage, and am torn on whether to tell the love of my life what I experienced or to keep this one locked away. We have an incredibly open relationship and have known each other for almost 7 years and dating now for 3. We know about each others pasts, relationships, hardships etc., and I've started once or twice to talk about it and stopped, and he's reassured me that we don't have to know everything about each other, and that it's okay to keep something to yourself.

I'm not worried about his reaction that he would be angry, or offended that I didn't tell him sooner, but that he would possibly be upset that I experienced what I did. And I have to be honest that I really don't want to talk about it again, as it is incredibly hard for me to think about, let alone discuss, and again I consider this to be past tense. I'm a healthy, mostly happy, stable adult now and love me.

I just don't know if I should keep this one to myself, or to share. Has anyone else had experience with this? All opinions are welcome.

[kaliope]

if youre happy and healthy and its in the past, I don't see the sense in bringing it up again. unless it is causing problems in your current relationship, I don't see the need for discussion. it causes you too much pain. your boyfriend has already given you permission not to discuss it, so until the topic comes up, there is no need to stir up all those old feelings in my opinion. take care.