[Bodiesneverfound]

I've posted on here more than a few times about my past abusive relationship with my ex. Against my better judgement I decided to give him a second chance was keeping minimal contact with him over the phone only (he didn't know where I lived or anything thankfully). I gave me a laundry list of stipulations that he would have to meet in order for me to take him back and things had been going well for a few months. He had sought therapy like I asked him to and when I asked for a month of no contact he respected me.
Well this week he contacted me and I agreed to talk with him over Skype and it went horrible. He wanted me to see him in person and I told him I didn't feel safe enough for that yet. I've been reading this list of signs that a past abuser has changed and up till this point he had been doing well but within five minutes of talking to him it became painfully obvious that he had not changed one bit. I ended the call screaming over him (he wouldn't let me talk) that it was over for good and hung up on him.
Over the past 48 hours he emailed and called me repeatedly even though I had told him it was over. Although he didn't make any threats I already did not feel safe with him, I know he has easy access to guns because he lives with his dad who is a gun nut, and I felt like I was being harassed with all these phone calls and messages. The one that really sent me over the edge was one in which he blamed me for all the verbal abuse he had started on the phone. I ended up having to change my phone number today as well as my email.
I wanted to give him a second chance because I love him and I believe people can truly change and I was hoping he would be one of them. Unfortunately that was not the case. I feel terrible but at the same time I feel proud of myself for staying strong, staying safe and ending the relationship for good. I just wanted to share and thank those of you on here who have supported me through this.
Also I wanted to share this link as it's helped me become more at peace with my decision and I hope it may help someone else who is in a similar situation:
Signs he/she has changed - The CatBox - Trubble's CatBox

[grey_aj]

I'm not on this forum a lot, but I'm proud of you for ending this! It was only natural for you to want to give him a second chance. I believe that humans look for the good in others... but I'm glad you have the sense to walk away when clearly this is someone who isn't going to change.

- AJ

[nicoleflynn]

Unfortunately, most abusers do not change (because they are entrenched in the idea that there is nothing wrong with them). If they go into therapy, they usually don't stay long. Proud of you! I stayed for 31 years and then found the (answer) book that saved my life and I believe should be required reading for everyone on the planet: The Verbally Abusive Relationship by Patricia Evans

[Bodiesneverfound]

I know I did the right thing but I love him so much and I feel so lost without our shared dreams. I read The Verbally Abusive Relationship on your recommendation nicoleflynn and when my ex and I last talked I used Patricia Evans' suggestions on how to respond to verbal abuse verbatim and then he emailed me telling me my responses were abusive because I interrupted him telling him things like "do not talk to me that way", "that is not your concern", "don't change the subject", etc and told me I had no empathy. I almost fell for it and had to call my therapist to ask if I was being abusive and she set me straight. And I don't know why I'm shocked at this behavior but it seems crazy to me to keep repeatedly calling and emailing someone when they say they don't feel safe with you- as if that would make me feel safer. I'm at the point where I don't feel safe living in the same town as him anymore.
I doubt he'll continue his therapy now that I am not talking with him and all of this makes me so sad. I know I'm worth more than this and I don't deserve to be treated this way and I don't understand why he can't see that. I was abusive verbally and physically towards him in the first couple years of our relationship but I recognized it and I changed so I know it's possible so why can't he? I don't know how to move on or heal.