[cubabe29]

I realized yesterday that my mom has narcissistic personality disorder so I'm in the beginning stages of the healing process. I refuse to put up with her emotional abuse and I recognize that there are things I can do to protect and prevent her narcissistic ways.*

I quickly realized that I can take control of my relationship with her by not opening up to her about anything about myself that she will use to exploit me in one of her narcissistic rages.*

So it is safe to assume that my mom doesn't genuinely love me even though she goes through the motions of the idea of love? Does she realize or is aware that she is being abusive and cruel to me? Is she aware that she is purposely manipulating people to make them think that I am the one who is crazy? Does she realize at all that her covert tactics are purely evil even though she might not realize that she isn't normal?*

Thank you so much for your help. I understand that I can't tell anyone what I have realized about my mom because they don't recognize how invested they have become to her narcissistic ways.

[nicoleflynn]

A good book to read is Boundaries by Townsend and Cloud.

[cubabe29]

I actually have that book because my therapist recommended it to me. I have read a few chapters, but that was about 8 months ago. Also, I hadn't realized yet that my mom does have NPD. But it was because of my relationship with my mom was why I bought the book in the first place.

I have read parts of a book my therapist recommended called The Mom Factor. When I was reading that book, I had to stop because I would get angry because it constantly reminded me of the awful things she has done.
I do remember that the No Boundaries book did offer me some validation. I guess when reading these books that I need to keep in mind that I'm doing this for myself to be able to heal from her emotional abuse.
Thanks for your suggestion .

[SimonSays1]

I don't know your mother. However I had an abusive mother that I had to cut out of my life (actually cut out my whole dysfunctional family). In my case, I know my mother loves me in her own way. However, she was abused by her father. Her father was abused by his father. Her father's father was abused by his father. And on and on. I am the only one who put a stop to the cycle. I am the only one who realizes that abuse is NOT normal.

My point is, my mom thinks she is normal and always will in her world. Abuse is all she knows. I know she loves me though and your mom may love you as well... In her own way.

[cubabe29]

Is it normal if I am distant with her which I was yesterday, for her to suck up to me and reel me back in to her twisted ways because she doesn't feel she's in control?