How can you tell when you're ready to talk about what happened? How can you tell when you're not ready?

I'm still on the fence with doing trauma work with my therapist. She checks in with me weekly and asks if I feel like I'm ready to talk about it. She says she thinks I am ready, but I don't know if I am.

How can you tell when you're ready? What are some signs that I should look for to know that I'm ready? Are there things I should be paying attention to to know if I'm not quite ready yet?

i suppose you don't know until you try...

[A Red Panda]

I doubt there's any real way to know.

When you start to talk, you'll know it's time to stop if you just can't keep going? Like... I don't know how you are, but I lock right up and just can't get the right words out - I'll start babbling about something else or going around in circles, or just sorta freeze.

Just tell your T that you aren't sure how much you'll feel like sharing and whatever your plan is - with my friend if I am getting upset I'll just go "we need a new topic!" and that works - those friends do the same to me. But you could always work out with your T what you want the process to be if you get overwhelmed - even go over what you'd be most likely most comfortable with having them do in the case that you freak out or break down crying.

That's about the most prepared you can get.



Good luck!

[the abyss]

only you will know, and when that happens it will be freeing for you,unburdening your self.
take care

[blueredgrey]

In my experience....you won't be ready to talk, unless you start talking. It's difficult the first time. You may choke up. Then it would slowly get easier over a period of time and with more talking....until you get to the point where you can freely talk.

Just start talking!

Good luck!!

[innocentjoy]

You can try and do things in small steps. Talking about upsetting things, and working through them before dealing with the big T (trauma). Or if you're talking about the trauma, you could focus on what small aspect of it, and see how that goes. This way you can teach yourself that sharing helps, that your T is supportive and safe, and that you CAN do this. I would suggest giving yourself enough time during the session to talk about it, feel the feelings, and have your T be able to help you through them, to calm down afterward, and to have a check in/safety planning time with your T for how you will be afterward. Sometimes I finally get up the nerve to talk about something not until near the end of the session, and that makes it a bit more difficult.

Other options to make it easier: Could you write someting down to give it to your t? Bring something in for your hands to do, like a fidget toy/rock or something special that reminds you of someone, something safe? Sometimes I find if I can stay grounded while I'm talking I don't feel like it's happening all over again. You could ask your T to do some breathing or other grounding activities before you talk, and have her help remind you to breathe while it is happening.

Just some ideas to make it easier to talk. it is an amazing feeling after you fiind that courage to talk about it, and to finally feel in control of it. All the best!
xoxo
IJ

[duende]

Hey Kori Anders (awesome name btw!),

That's a really good question. You know, I think it's really about gauging what's comfortable for you. I like what InnocentJoy says about doing things in small steps. Looking back on how it's been for me, I think things sort of came to me in digestible steps.

That said, it will be uncomfortable addressing trauma. Hmm. Just a brief thing I want to share. Hope you don't mind Something very specific comes to mind for me. I firmly believe that emotional (and physical) trauma gets stored in the body's muscle memory. The first time in my life that I had gotten myself in a relaxed, meditative state, I learned that my body and mind could actually be calm. Once I got a taste of that, I knew I needed to start working on releasing trauma by addressing it.

All that said, that's only one way of approaching. There are so many ways to approach the same issue, I firmly believe. So yeah, I think if you start by just remembering that anytime you begin to address your trauma, and you begin to feel a bit too uncomfortable moving forward, you can always stop. You are never stuck.

I hope this helps. I'm glad you posted about this.

Thanks all for the helpful responses.

I spoke with my therapist today and I decided to go ahead with the trauma work with my therapist. I know it won't be easy, but I hope that working on the trauma isn't traumatizing in itself. We worked on a scale of distress and what it looks like so that I will have a good idea of when I need to stop. I hope it goes well, I really do.

[innocentjoy]

You can do it! And it sounds like you have a great therapist, who is able to help monitor your distress levels to keep you from being re-traumatized. It is not an easy decision to make, and I'm proud of you for deciding. Some people go their whole lives without talking about it and never feel that relief of having a witness to your turmoil. Take it as slow as you need to, be gentle on yourself, and try and do something soothing for yourself everyday, whether it's a special hot drink, a bubble bath, meditation, or anything that makes you feel special. After all, you're doing it for the hurt part inside you, to help them know that they are safe, loved and okay exactly as they are.
all the best
IJ