[yellowfrog268]

So much of dealing with trauma involves talking about it. What if you don't want to? What if you never have wanted to? I'm in my 40's already and I don't see myself going to therapy because first, I don't think I would survive it and second, I've never been very open. I'm reserved and feel highly uncomfortable disclosing that part of my life. Suggestions?

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[nicoleflynn]

My guess is that most people feel that way. Of course you would "survive." Therapy is scary and hard, but it is also the most important and best work you can do. When you go into therapy, you only disclose what you feel you can at that moment. It is like peeling an onion....just a little at a time; you discuss that and when and if you feel more comfortable you reveal a little more. I did it in my 60's; hard but beneficial. you could also begin by writing just one sentence. We all could use some help with the past, and if you get a good therapist it will be the best thing you ever did; my opinion. Therapists understand that it is scary ad uncomfortable to open up to a stranger, but that is their job; to help.

[the abyss]

you can try hypnotherapy . it has worked for me to arrange things in my mind that i had a problem with. you tell them what you want them to know .
not everyone wants to talk about things that happened in the past . what works for one person , does not work for someone else.
take care

[blueredgrey]

Dear yellowfrog268,

Can I please ask you - what do you mean by "I'm in my 40s already"...in some corner, do you feel that you are "too old" for therapy and it's pointless??

Pls don't feel that way. Therapy is for anyone and everyone who is hurt. Therapy is talking to very wise people who are doctors of mind and know how to heal things. When mind is hurt, it doesn't heal with time - doing something about it heals it.

If you heal yourself - it would help you be a better person and enjoy life more wholeheartedly. Healing yourself would improve your work performance, improve relations with your parents, your spouse, kids, friends, neighbors and in future, grandkids.

Take your time to find the therapist you feel comfortable with - it takes a few tries. It would be difficult initially to talk....but take your time. Ofcourse, as your mind monsters come out, initially things do get worse - but have patience, it would get better. You'd have to do most of the work to heal....therapist is there only to show you the direction and not drive you there. If you are not comfortable with a person, you can always try an online counsellor - you'd feel less inhibited.

Good luck!!

[CedarS]

A good therapist would never try to force you to talk about what you don't want to talk about. You could see a cognitive behavioral therapist and tell them you want to work on specific things. You don't have to go into details, you don't have to talk about everything that happened to you at all.

You won't have to describe everything that happened, you won't have to go for years of therapy that digs in deep. A therapist can help you where you are now.

[yellowfrog268]

I've never been a very open person. It does not matter to me how warm or empathetic you are. Maybe that particular character trait has to do with the secrecy that is inherent in child abuse, particularly sexual abuse. I mention my age simply because it signals to me that half of my (generally accepted) life expectancy is over. In other words, I've lived half my life with this and still have not found an effective way to leave the past in the past. I've always been a big believer in the idea that one's childhood has a profound effect on shaping the person as an adult. That's why I cringe when I hear people say things like "Leave the past in the past" or "Stop blaming your childhood", as if one could just magically erase those events that shaped them into who they are today. I don't have a magic wand. If I did, I would share it with all of you

Ok, rant over!

Thank you for all of your suggestions.

Online therapy sounds like a good choice but I'm betting that insurance coverage won't apply. Anyone got ideas on price?

[rissaAli]

Ok I'm new here so please forgive me if this goes awry. I am very aware of the boat you seem to be on. I to am no spring chicken. I have also been in therapy for a long while. I have "not talked about it for all" my life. I disclosed in my early 20's and I'm now getting around to real "trauma" therapy. Here is what I want to tell you. You said that you're very reserved. My question to you this. Has not talking about it made you feel better? My T asked me that same thing. I wanted to punch her. Her point was this that secrets do truly make us sick. They cause us pain. You have carried this with you now for a long time. I will not lie it is tremendously painful. it does feel as though you may not survive. Here is the thing though. This is so cliche, but you have already survived. you were abused, while the physical pain may have healed the emotional and psychological pain has not. You may not have to go into all kinds of detail. There is different kinds of therapy besides the story telling. For trauma therapy I opted for EMDR, skills coaching and some CBT. I have also had DBT, sand tray and hypnotherapy. I don't really want to tell every small detail. The only way to know is to ask a therapist. Most therapists will do a first time consultation for free. I have done this I went to several of those consultations. I don't know about anyone else but I can tell if that person was some one who could help. You have nothing to lose. Therapists are bound by confidentiality just like doctors. You are right about our past making us who we are. Your past sounds like it was hard. It sounds like it made you strong. If you did that you can do this. So how do you do it? I'm sorry, but you just do it. I don't know you and you make your decisions. Try to remember you have already survived. I believe in you. This will be hard. It is do able though. Sorry this was a novel.

[bassrunnin]

RissaAli that wAs a good reply and spoke to me as well. Just expound on that... I am 39 and I have never talked about my history of child abuse and things to happen further into my life. I was dealing with a lot of stress at work and for some reason something to get me and now I find myself on short-term disability Trying to put myself back together. I Share this because I think it is important that when you are ready that you do seek out help even if it is later on in life. It's especially good to do it before something triggers you in such a negative way as it did with me. Now I am in therapy, but having to do things at a much faster pace then I would like. What's strange is my brain wants to tell her about the abuse but my inner self says hell no. Every time we go to talk about the abuse and abuses that happened while in military and first husband I freeZe and disassociate. I try really hard and it's frustrating to my therapist cuz she says she can't help until I'm stabilized and can stay in the room. But when you've spent 40 years holding it in like a finger in the dam it's hard to take that finger out.

[SimonSays1]

With any fear in life, the only way to overcome is to face them. I woke up one day and realized that I never got anywhere by playing it safe.

Half your life may be over. But you still have another half to LIVE. That alone should be worth the effort to look in the local directory and make an appointment with a therapist.

[rothfan6]

You could start out by talking to a therapist online. Its easier to be open in writing, at least for me anyway. They will be able to help ease some of your concerns and get more comfortable with being open about your past. Then build up to going to therapy in person.