[haier]

I've been in therapy for a year now. I've gone through a lot this year. There have been moments where I thought I would not make it. I have a lot going on. Too much to go into. I've been working on trust and safety. Healthy coping mechanisms. My T repeatedly tells me whenever I'm ready to talk about it I can and we can begin working on it. There have been times when I've kind of touched the subject and because of my emotional instability she has told me that if I don't feel ready we don't have to go into it. I'm still very detached from my feelings and I've been doing a lot of work trying to connect with emotions that arise. It is very difficult for me. I want to get better and feel happy and healthy. My question is how do you talk about it? How do you bring it up? How do you know you're ready? A year in therapy is a long time and sometimes I feel discouraged. It took this long for me to beging to feel a little at ease. I feel scared and like something horrible is going to happen to me if I tell. It is really hard for me. We have talked around it and there have been times where I can't seem to connect. I feel the weight of it laying heavily over me. I do want to finally tell. I need to let it go and at the same time the fear of doing so overwhelms me. My T is really good. She never pressures me and I love this about her. Sometimes I feel she doesn't think I'm ready though. I don't know. Then again this is precisely what's keeping me from leading a fruitfull life. I have a lot of bad dreams. Memories and sensations that creep up.
Getting ready to start the new year and I'm eager to make some progress. But I don't want to push myself too much. Do you think this is normal? I'm scared to bring it up in therapy for fear of not being ready enough...any thoughts?

I am the same in therapy, Something holds me back, Maybe Judgement I don't know.
Therapy takes time so I am told, I have been in therapy almost a year too and I haven't even begun to tell my T hardly anything yet she does suggest that I write anything down that I find hard or that I can't say but I find that difficult too, It is like I have it stored up in my head but I can't bring myself to tell my T.

I do think it's normal or so people tell me

[ThisWayOut]

It can take a long time. I've been in therapy for years (on a while bunch of other stuff) and only this month disclosed the csa and assaults. I had tried to mention it a few other times, but it never happened for whatever reason. It felt like a huge weight lifted from me though.
You can try writing it down and reading in session if you really want to talk about it. That's how i finally got it out. I warned my t before session and asked her not to let me chicken out on the reading part. It was brutally difficult, but i finally said what i needed to say to start working on that stuff.
Good luck. I think if you find yourself itching to tell, it may be the right time to go ahead and do it.

[CrimsonBlues]

Hello haier-

It can be a very difficult thing to know when we are ready to talk about painful details of our past. To start, please don't think that you aren't progressing fast enough. There's no such thing. Each person is different and there isn't a set time table as to when you should begin to talk about things. It sounds like your therapist is allowing you the time and space that you need to feel a sense of trust and enough comfort to begin, if you choose. For me, I started by giving a few details at a time. You don't have to tell the whole story at one time unless that is what feels best for you. You can give a few details in one session and then see how it feels. If you do this in the beginning of the session you have time to talk about what you are feeling. If those few details causes you too much angst you know it's probably best to wait. Another idea is to write down what you want to say. You can read it to your therapist or have your therapist read it. Again, it can be just a few details if you want. If it feels too much, too soon you can back off and attempt to tackle it again later. I wish you well.

[reesecups]

I could never disclose a lot to my therp, even though I had trust in her. I couldn't hardly express myself by talking. So when things came up afterward, I would write them down. Then I could choose to either give them the information during my session, or let them read it at some point when I wasn't there. Then, we could open ip a dialogue on our next visit.

Did not do it with one therp after each time I would give her something I wrote, she would make me read it aloud to make me 'own' it. But no other's have done that.

I have such a had time verbally communicating and forget so much of what I want to say, or answer questions when asked, writing is sometimes the only way I can do it.

[BLUEDOVE]

Sure,it was the hardest thing I've ever done,but I
KNEW in my gut it HAD to be done. The way out
is through,not around.
God Bless,
BLUEDOVE