[IzzyMeadows]

I've been going through and setting up alerts and such with different medical companies so my mother can't get a hold of even my phone # or address. I got to say that it hurts. I haven't spoken to my mom in a while. She tried to stab me back in October and slowly I've been removing every trace of her from my life. I'd be lying if I said that closing off this chapter if my life doesn't hurt. I had always secretly hoped that someday she'd change and be a real mother to me. I'm finally accepting that I'll never get that. I lost my chance at having a real family before I was even born.

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hang in there Izzy. This may end up better than you think.

[gayleggg]

Hi, Izzy. Sorry you are hurting. Hope you find the support and help you need here at PC. There's always someone willing to listen.

[nycgal448]

Wow! stab u?? Damn, I thought my mom wuz bad.I am so sorry that
happened. I think u mad a very wise decision, Izzy. I know u were def
emotionally scarred bc of her, but it is better for u in the long run to
have positive ppl in ur life.. such a shame she is not one of them.
hope u keep hangin in and plz, do not change ur mind about her..
yet. Take some time to think about a more positive road w/ out
negativity.

[beauflow]

((((IzzyMeadows))))
many well thoughts your way.

For some people, it is difficult to make that final break from abusive families/environments. There are a lot of reasons for the pain, feeling hurt, and some are each of our own. There is no time limit either with this.

I know I still at times with my own, go through the grief of it all. But I always have to remind myself, I am building my own family with what I have, I am building a better life with out the toxic environment. Looking at the positives of what I got out of it all, and that it is ok to grieve but not to be stuck in that frame of mind too long.

That is what I would suggest for you as well, perhaps some therapy as well to help with the processes if you can afford it and find a good fitting therapist for yourself (if you do not already have one and if therapy is a right fit for you).

Strange thing with the brain, some times doing positive things fires that signal that "it's wrong to do". But please know, it is isn't wrong for you to be safe, to be happier and healthier.

Many well thoughts and best wishes on your journey.

[Fuzzybear]

(((((((( IzzyMeadows )))))))))

[eskielover]

I have to start off by saying....I love the name Izzy.....it has a very wonderful meaning to me.....my mare Disco was pregnant & due just after my mother had her cancer surgery......the vet kept coming out to the ranch & telling me 5 more weeks...this want on 3 times.....15 extra weeks from when we thought she was due........well finally one early morning I got a call from the ranch owner to let me know that my little filly had been born. I went flying out to the ranch & was there 1 hour after she was born...it was the most increadable experience I have ever had & the bonding between us unbelievable...had her laying on my lap taking naps from then on.......what to name this little girl??? The first thing out of my mouth when the ranch owner called was "It's about time"....& when I told everyone else....that was their same comment.......trying to find a fitting name.....I named her "ItssaboutTyme"......& Izzy for short......I always loved the name Izzy & it just came flowing out of the full name I gave her......she is a very special horse....& the name Izzy is close to my heart.

Saying that....I am so sorry that your mother treated you so horribly....there is absolutely NO excuse for that......she had to have a lot of bitterness inside of her....maybe anger at herself for having a child.....some women should NEVER be mothers...some know it before & don't have children....some have children & realize it afterward & feel trapped in the situation.....while some are horrible & yet think they are the best mothers on the face of this earth.

Sadly many of us get stuck with mothers who should have never been a mother in the first place.....but we as people are a valuable part of this world & it's important for us to be that value no matter what we have to do to separate ourselves from that bad "mother person" whose own problems end up trying to destroy her child.

I know it hurts having to go through that & it's easy to say....why was I the one that ended up with this lousy mother. I always thought how much more wonderful life would be if I didn't have the parents I had....but any time we are mistreated by anyone....it's important to distance ourselves as far away from them as possible. No one ever thinks that parents could end up being that way but we have to deal with the hand we've been dealt & if it takes separating ourselves from then.....then that's what we have to do....& I'm glad you are so very strong enough to take that action....so many people hurt so bad while having a horrible time letting go & sometimes continue to refuse to do what is necessary for a truly happy life.

Blessings on your future & know you are taking the right steps

[Rohag]

Originally Posted by Useless Me

hang in there Izzy. This may end up better than you think.

I agree!

Strength to you, Izzy.

[IzzyMeadows]

Thank you guys. The support means a lot. People in my life have been giving me a hard time. Saying that she is the only mother I will ever get and I should have a relationship with her. At this time in my life I don't want a relationship with her. With where I am, and who she is, it just isn't good for my health at a time when I am really vulnerable.

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[serenity2298]

I'm kinda going through the same thing Izzy. My mother is really bad too she's alcoholic and got me into prostitution at a very young age and let her boyfriend beat me. Quite a sad ordeal really so I understand where you're coming from. But let me tell you you've made the right decision because both our mothers have scarred us and therefore we don't need them in our lives. Or we wont be able to move on with our lives. I know it hurts to make that decison!!! It hurt me as well I haven't spoken to my mum now in almost a year apart from twice (like half minute conversation cos I had no choice and I regretted it both times.) Unfortunately mothers like ours never change, I think I'm still trying to accept that, I don't know if I have fully yet. I've also come to the realization that all my life I have been trying to replace her with different people along the way and unfortunately that doesn't work either! Remember if you're ever feeling low and think that you miss her, think: what is it I miss about her? In my case it's nothing and I believe it's probably the same in your case. What we actually miss is a mother figure which our mothers never were so therefore it's not possible to miss something you never even had. Remember that. It gets me through some tough times sometimes. I think it's so sad that some mothers can be like this. Not everyone deserved to have children, that's for sure. Sorry if that sounds bitter but not a lot of people understand what it's like not to have a mother figure. A lot of people take their mothers for granted, if you have a good one, cherish her. If you ever want to talk about it or you need some help or just a chat feel free to PM me anytime

[IzzyMeadows]

That's what I think too. I can't miss having a mother because I've never had one. I don't miss her as a person, mother, or anything else. I too have replaced her with many different mothers and it has usually worked pretty well for me. It just isn't the same as having a mother. I can't wait to have my own kids and give them the love and support I always wanted. I will also be fostering and adopting kids. I figure, who better than someone who understands them?

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[marmaduke]

Originally Posted by IzzyMeadows

Thank you guys. The support means a lot. People in my life have been giving me a hard time. Saying that she is the only mother I will ever get and I should have a relationship with her. At this time in my life I don't want a relationship with her. With where I am, and who she is, it just isn't good for my health at a time when I am really vulnerable.

My mother tried to stab me when I was 11. Said she wanted to 'Stab me through because she hated me so much'. I remember that day, I felt broken, snapped in two.
I knew from the age of 7 mother didn't like me.
People who say all that guff about 'You only have one mother' blah, blah, blah just don't get it.
If I have a 'mother' who wants to stab me I'm better off without her. What sort of mother does that stuff to their daughter? That ain't no mother.
The best thing you can do is have no contact with her. Stay strong.

[IzzyMeadows]

Thank you. I too knew young that she didn't like me. I think you're right. Until you live with it, you just can't understand it. Take care of yourself.

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[Analita]

I completely understand, Izzy. I left home at 15 and never went back. My mother was extremely violent and abusive. I found out later she was psychotic, too.

I actually know a lot of people who put up with, and try to have relationships with, some truly awful mothers. Here is my rule: Being related by blood does not give you an excuse to abuse me or treat me badly. Blood is not a reason to put up with behavior or treatment from someone that you would never put up with from friends or anyone else.

You can do this.