The Abuser Called Today

He called from a number I didn't realize he would use to call me. I tried to stay calm. I tried to stay rational. I stood up for myself. He ended up hanging up on me and I ran for the bathroom and was sick. I couldn't get warm, I'm still cold.

I turned on the electric blanket and crept under it and made myself sleep. I made myself try to think of other things so I could sleep and escape, even for a little while.

I must be all right, I must, but I am not. I am not all right, but what good does saying that bring? Nothing. It doesn't make it better.

I am too fragile for this...but that doesn't mean I can avoid it. I'm not even sure this makes sense.

Jan
the sick and desolate

Aw you probably just had a panic attack or something from thinking about it all and how awful it is. I hope you feel better. Do nice things for yourself and treat yourself extra special! Mmmm Hot chocolate might help you warm up and feel a bit better, especially the milk chocolate kind!
(((Jan)))

Oh Jan. I'm so sorry. That is absolutely terrifying.

Oh that is awful when that happens. but remember that you are a better person than them, and they certainly havent defeated you. at all. i completely understand your reaction, anyone would react the same. it WILL make you feel vulnerable because thats how they made you feel at the time, and so will it make you scared, and you WILL seem fragile. this is all natural, but it will pass i assure you. i live with my abuser, and although i am not sure what abuse you suffered fromt his person, i suffered sexual abuse and to live with the abuser is extremely hard, harder than people can imagine. but you do learn to channel it, you will learn this. it takes time, but you will get there.

Congratulate yourself on standing up for yourself, that takes a great amount of strength and courage, so you are strong and brave for doing that, so compliment yourself and give yourself a pat on the back for that. i would if i was there with you. you did great in that situation, honestly you did. now all you need to do is to embrace these feleings and go with them, treat yourself to new clothes, or a new album, or cook yourself a meal or whatever, whatever you consider pampering. have a nice hot bath with relaxing oils, i know that works. i cannot congratulate you enough, i really cant. you should be so proud of yourself, i am proud of you for sure as i know just how hard it is to do what you did, and to make THEM hang up shows you defeated them, instead of them defeating you. so you have overcome them and risen taller than them, and that is bound to be exhausting. so relax and stay under your electric blanket and watch a good film and most importantly of all, take care of yourself.

speak soon

simon

(((((Jan)))))
PM me if you need anything~

((((((((((((((( Friends ))))))))))))))))

Thank you so much, each and every one. It means the world to me.

Hugs,

Jan

((((((((((((((((Jan)))))))))))) I'm so sorry, gf. Do you have caller ID? Can you call the phone co. and get a block on that number? I have no idea what's possible, just trying to throw things out.

I'm here if you need me.



Love, Candy

Jan, I so understand. (((((((((((( Jan )))))))))))))))

The older brother called Thanksgiving Day from the mother's house and she had to have given him the number. I thought it was her, certainly didn't expect to hear from him for the first time in about 16 yrs.

Shock, sickening shock...then the still pictures in head. Again, I'm just so sorry.

I "hard checked" for the first time in like forever? Daughter was a great help in that she told me what happened for sure, etc. I understand the physical reaction.

I'm so sorry you're dealing as I am right now...with this.

Love,

KD

((((((((((((((((((Jan)))))))))))))))) I am so sorry. I can only imagine how terrifying that must have been. You are in my thoughts.

(((((((((( Friends )))))))))))))))

Thank you all, every one of you. It means so much. I wouldn't even go out in the hall today, much less out into the sunshine. I hid under the blanket...

Tomorrow will be better. It has to be better.

Hugs,

Jan

(((((((((((Jan)))))))))))

I'm not sure what to say, but I'm glad you can come here and tell us about it, and know that we understand.

Love,
Rap

jan, we love you very much. pat

Oh Pat, you knew just what I needed to hear. Thank you so much.

Love,

Jan

((((((((((safehugs))))))))))
im sorry he put you in this position Jan. you might be surprised but you WERE strong enough to deal with this. you stood up to him and kept control while talking to him and then you did the best thing you could have and came here to post looking for support. now all you have to do is to find a way to let others here and irl give you the gentle care and praise you so badly need and deserve.
i can understand that it is so hard right now but because of the way you handled it i believe you will come through this so much stronger a person that you are even now. imagine how cool that is that you are heading solidly towards a place where he will have NO power over you at all! you re healing is helping you be the person he CRUMBLES in front of because he cant touch you anymore.
if you would like im here holding you while it sinks in what a victory you just had sweetheart.

Wanted you to know I 'm thinking of you and keeping you in my prayers. This is something that I know all to well and is my daily nightmare and wish that you did not have to go through it also.

(((((((((((( Rap, Biiv, Mss ))))))))))))))

Thank you each and everyone.

I am very tired today. Upsets that like sets off the chronic fatigue, etc. I've got to make myself go out into the world today. The chances of him being around are about nil. Of course, I thought the chanced of him calling were nil...

Thank you again.

Hugs,

Jan

((((((((((( January )))))))))))

You're special! Know that you're valuable in our eyes!!!!
Stay safe!

Jan - I'm so, so SO sorry

I'm around if you want to Chat

Real hugs,
RevBS

Jan, I'm sorry this happened.

I hope you will soon feel safe and can go out into the autumn air. I hope today is a better day.

You're safe here with us- reach out anytime.

Thinking of you.

mandy

(((((((((((((( Jan ))))))))))))))