[ShyOne]

In August I will be married for 20 years but the man that I am married to now is not the one that I married years ago, I have no clue who he is. When he came back from Afghanistan he was a totally different person. He has become abusive in so many ways and I feel so trapped in this relationship. Yes, I filed an EPO on him a couple years ago but it did not good because he has a lot of police friends and is running for Sheriff in the county in which we live. I love this man with all that I am but I can't pretend that this isn't happening anymore or for me to continue to protect him, I honestly believe that he suffers from PTSD since coming home. I said I would never again consider divorce after my first marriage but I am considering it now and will make it happen once I am working again and have enough saved for my own place. I just don't know what else to do at the moment and he refuses to go to marriage counseling. Has anyone else been through something like this that I can talk with and maybe get some guidance from? Thanks everyone.

[kaliope]

it sounds like you are doing the right thing by saving to get out of the marriage if you are relatively safe there for the time being. I know another lost relationship seems like a failure but you have to look at getting out of it as a success. it is the best thing to do for your mental health and well being. nobody should be subject to abuse. war can change a person and if he is refusing treatment there is little you can do to help the situation but to take care of yourself. you have to make yourself number 1. use the assistance of a domestic violence shelter if necessary. they can help you with the steps necessary to get out. while you are saving, have an escape plan prepared should you have to leave before you are ready. keep your head up and take care of yourself.

[TheHiddenAngel]

Please, get help if you can.
He could quite possibly have PTSD and it would do you AND him a lot of good to get some form of treatment for it if that's the case. I do have relatives who have PTSD that I don't have much contact with because they aren't getting it treated (and at my age there's really nothing I can do) but if you need some support let me know. I hope things improve for you.