[krisakira]

Trigger for details about molestation:

I was molested when I was 10 years old by my (now ex) uncle. I don't remember every detail but here is what I remember. My family did not really like my uncle as he was mean to my aunt. But growing up I always felt a connection to him, and he bought me a stuffed animal and I thought that was really nice of him. I liked holding his hand, and being next to him and going places with him and my aunt. I did not understand why no one else liked him, and I felt like I was going to be special and like him. When I was 10, my family visited the state that my relatives lived in, and one night we stayed at my aunt and uncle's house. That night, my sister and I shared a room. Well I had to go to the bathroom so I got up and went down the hallway to use the bathroom. Before I was finished, the bathroom door opened and it was my uncle. He grabbed my arms and pulled me off the toilet seat. I don't remember what I said or if I said anything. I think he said my name at one point. He stood in front of me and lifted my shirt up, exposing me. He looked for a little while and then took his fingers and touched me in places. I was scared that he was upset that I took too long in the bathroom. And that was why he did it. But I did not want to wake anyone up and get in trouble so I was quiet. I pulled my underwear up because I felt uncomfortable with where he was touching and he stopped. So I left the bathroom and went back to my room. I tried to wake my sister up and tell her what happened, but she told me to just go back to sleep and she was really tired so I don't blame her. She was probably just half-asleep and didn't realize what was going on. She was only 14. The next morning I was in the kitchen and he was there. When no one else was paying attention he told me "There's really nothing to talk about." And I was so afraid that I would get in trouble for going to the bathroom and taking too long, that I did not tell anyone what happened.

I have not told my therapist any of these details though she knows that something happened. My previous therapist who I told that I had been molested but did not tell details to him either, said that what my uncle did before what happened is called "grooming" and that he wanted me to get him to like him. Well I guess it worked.

[bluekoi]

krisakira, I feel your pain. I was sexually abused as a child. Please talk to your present therapist about what happened to you. It will help sort your feelings out. You were a child. You did nothing wrong. You are not to blame. Adults are meant to protect you, not hurt you.