[Confused213]

Hey, everyone! It's been awhile since I've been on here- that's because things have been generally good one issue came up recently, though:

There was a guy I hadn't seen in 5 years, since high school years. There were two guys in high school who were horrible people. One of them would do his things to me, and the other would tell him what to do. So, recently, the one who would tell him what to do to me arrived back in my home town.

I was at the store- he was the cashier.
"I can get the next in line"
I dropped my things and turned around before he could see my face and walked out the door.

All of the things that happened, they were so long ago; but upon seeing him, everything feels so fresh.

My nightmares of being raped/molested started up again.

So it's been a rough coupla weeks, and I don't know what to do.
Out of desperation to vent, I called a therapy hotline yesterday (silly, I know) and she said I could still report them. She reminded me that they still might be hurting people.

But I don't think I'll do that...

I also thought of confronting him- maybe he's changed.
Or I thought of writing a letter to the store manager warning him/her to keep an eye out on him.

I don't know...

What should I do?

[kaliope]

I personally feel you would feel more empowered if you took some sort of action. if it were me, I would have it running through my mind over and over and over and over again until I did something about it. the hotline has a point, he could still be hurting people. you have the power to stop that. it would help yu heal to do something about it. take care.

[cryingontheinside]

Hi confused213

Its awful what they did to you. I dont think your stupid to call the hotline, you would only do that if you were in despair. I have spent a small fortune one night calling a phsycic hotline as certain memories of childhood sexual abuse are unclear or theres missing blanks. I thought they would be able to help me fill in the blanks and then i could start to work through it but when thered missing peices to the puzzle its hard to leave it alone and not think and wonder to what extent and how often and was in more than one person as a resent flashback suggested to me. It frustrates me that mind wont let me remember but i understand my mind had to do that so i would stop being so frightened.
Recently im getting newer flasbacks and its scary to think i was being so abused but as i didnt remember most of it and a light bulb suddenly comming on and to allow my self to believe that much more did happen is a bit scary but so is not knowing, not being certain about some of it and wondering why its taken so long for some of the newer memories to come to surface.
Sorry for rambling.
As for this perpitrator coming back, this must be so awful for you. What about the other perp? Has he gone away?
Have you ever told your family or friend or the police about this?
If they have never faced concequences for their actions then they need to. This might help you to feel empowered.
This is not fair on you and my heart goes our to you. Do you have people you trust that can help support you?

[Confused213]

Thanks,
both of you-

Well, yes and no. My sister knows. We talked last week about it and she was very nice, but she just basically said "you're safe now, no need to worry." But for some reason, being safe now isn't enough for me-- I wasn't safe before. I wasn't safe for a while, and I guess that's what upsets me-- that someone can wreck and wreck and wreck and live on. Live on happily, even. Yet they leave wakes of destruction.

I never told the police- I never reported it it to anyone. I only told anyone about it my senior year of highschool. Then, just last summer, I told my mom. My dad still doesn't know. I don't think he ever will. My best friend knows.

But no one knows all of the details, most I've just told a "toned down" version of the story-- without details and with less condemning accounts. Like, I've never told anyone I know that he said he was going to rape me (thank goodness he never followed through on that, he'd just touch me).

I guess that's a really really long way to say that, yes, people know, but no, I don't really talk about it.

And about reporting, I really have no shot at that. First, my credibility when this happened was very very very low. I lied, a lot. And not just over little things. I was a very stupid teenager.
So, after I hit rock bottom after doing the most stupid thing in my life, I stopped being so stupid, but then I started feeling a lot of shame. I felt like I deserved to die.
So the next year I changed schools. That's the year when everything happened.

And because i felt so bad about myself, I LET-- I ALLOWED -- everything to happen. I'd say no, of course. I'd even push his hands and arms away sometimes. But that was hardly all I could do. I could do so much more, yet I didn't.

So he told me that I liked it, that I wanted it.
He said it wasn't wrong, because I wanted it. I said I didn't want it but he said I was just playing a "good girl, *****."

So because I ALLOWED all of it to happen, in court my testimony would never hold up. Especially with my past.

So reporting it will never fly, I don't think.

Sorry- I guess I didn't really need to ask this question, because ultimately I know I won't do anything about it. And trust me, that's just as frustrating for me as it probably is to anyone reading this.

[Confused213]

So I guess a better question is, how would you deal with this? What can I (non-tangibly) do to cope?

[cryingontheinside]

I would make my self look fab, put on a fake smile, get a really strong looking man to pretend to be my bf, walk into the store and give him that look like hmm should i tell now or will o let you sweat abit longer. Then i would loudly insist on seeing the manager and he'll get really nervous and then complain about thr price of pringles and start laughing and grin at him as im leaving

[nicoleflynn]

I would get itnto therapy, and then write a letter of restorative justice....restorative justice says; this is what you did, this is how it made me feel. That is empowering. I would give it to him.

Why wouldn't you report him? He committed a crime (you would report him if he stole from you , right?) If they do it once, usually they keep doing it.

"When good men do nothing, evil continues." We are ALL responsible for reporting a crime. I hope you will be reconsider.

[Quarter life]

Dear Confused213.

Totally get that you're feeling exposed and vulnerable, especially now that you have seen this person and everything that happened has come rushing back. He is now back in your 'Mind Loop' but I very much doubt that you are in his....keep it that way. Do not go anywhere near him or contact him. I would definitely make other parties aware of your fears, and maybe report him anonymously to your local authorities. But above all, you need to self protect....by distancing yourself as much as possible from him.