[celtic.starlite]

Had a dream about my ex boyfriend last night. It was not a bad dream, and there lies the problem. In the dream he was the nice, loving, caring gentleman that he always was, in real life, in public, even away from the public .... as long as he knew he would get what he wanted.
Maybe it was stupid of me to break things off with him? Could I have tried harder to give him the sex, the pleasure, he needed, wanted, maybe even deserved? Could I have tried hard to try and enjoy our intimacy? I hate when people tell me he raped me over and over again. Was it really rape? He had a need he needed fulfilled, maybe I should have tried harder to please him. The aggressiveness and what I thought was an attempted forceful rape the last time I saw him (six months ago now), maybe he was confused because I didn't change my mind. Maybe he thought I was just playing with him because he had told me that it turns him on when the girl pretends to struggle to get away. Maybe I've been wrong this whole time. Maybe I screwed myself. Did I let a good man go and then turn around and bad mouth him?
I don't know and now I will never know.
I'm so pitiful.

[StressedMess]

Hugs!! You have to trust your instincts that told you "get out" "something is wrong" more than your instincts to protect this man or pretend you were making a big deal out of nothing.

Women are notorious for brushing things under the rug and pretending everything is okay, especially when it's obvious that everything is NOT okay. I've done it for over 20 years, so I know how hard it is.

I'm sorry you are doubting yourself right now. Good luck!!

[celtic.starlite]

Thank you. I know you're right, I wish these thoughts hadn't popped up again.

[StressedMess]

Dreams are symbolic, and don't usually mean what the dream was actually about. Have you looked on any dream anylizing websites to see what "good" dreams of exes really mean? It could be your way of working through the grief of letting go and moving on.

[celtic.starlite]

No, I've never looked it up. :-/ Now I will have to look or else i'll be wondering all night long.

[celtic.starlite]

hmmm .... I'll have to do more research on this ... everything i'm finding doesn't fit, but I don't have anymore time tonight. Have to get off the computer and head home....

[StressedMess]

So it's 3am and I woke up from a scary dream that I can't remember, as usual. Being wide awake I did a little research.

Dreams of ex-boyfriends don't mean you want to get back together. It could mean you miss being in a close relationship, you are ready to let go of the past, you are looking at your own character defects, all kinds of things. If you look at him as your "enemy" the meanings change, but you characterized him as your "ex" so that is the search term I used.

I'm sorry you're troubled right now, but please know you did the right thing! You were hurting in that relationship, no matter how great a front he put up for outsiders. You're free to heal now!

Sent from my iPod touch using Tapatalk

[IrisBloom]

I think SM is right. There is a reason he's your ex. Do not beat yourself up for might-have-beens. (And he sounds like a very selfish lout, you deserve better.)

When I was married to my second husband, who I loved very much, I would have dreams about my first, who disgusted me. This distressed me a lot. I was seeing a therapist at the time and I told her about it. She said first hub was my first and longest relationship, and dreaming about him was natural. I still loathe him, and still dream about him now and then.
But since I know what is going on, It doesn't disturb me any more.

Do not feel bad about not being able to take care of the needs of a selfish man. A relationship is about both of you, not one of you.