[IrisBloom]

Here is a good article that explains how childhood trauma affects the brain.

https://www.childwelfare.gov/pubs/is...nt/effects.cfm

[kaliope]

very informative......thanks

[meina]

yeah,,,it is a beautiful article indeed. thanks for posting it here.

[Soul_Flower43]

It saddens me, being raised in a horrible abusive enviroment, and having to live my life in survival mode because of not trusting who will be nice, or who will be cruel. All my life, never feeling secure or safe, always feeling those fearful feelings of been threatened, punished, or shamed. It has been a long hard difficult life journey trying to be a healthy minded person (haven't succeeded yet) trying to fit in with the rest of the world, the (non-abused) healthy minded people who seem to have it all.

Being abused by my parents, epecially by my Mother... I really can see all these years of the toxic affects it had on me as a little girl, a teenager, and as an adult. It makes me mad, that all my life was spent fixing me, instead of living life to its grandest/fullest.

So yes, I am envious of many who have it all... especially who have loving parents, siblings, relatives, and friends. I do have a hard time being around these people, because it hurts too bad of what I've missed out, and didn't get.

I am grateful though, with the family I have now. My husband and kids, are my healthy loving world, and I will stay close to that, and let go of the old toxic family... my Mother, Father, and Brother.

Thank you for sharing this article, a real eye-opener.

[RainbowG]

Originally Posted by Soul_Flower43

It makes me mad, that all my life was spent fixing me, instead of living life to its grandest/fullest.

I really love that you said this. It expresses what it's like to be an abuse survivor so well.

I'm also grateful for the link. The effects of abuse on brain development has been of particular interest to me lately.

I'm hoping none of the moderators mind if I post a link to a TED talk about neuroplasticity. This is from a neuroscientist who's written about how the brain can learn and change even in adulthood. To me, it's the antidote to the damage that our abusers have done to us. So there is hope!

Michael Merzenich: Growing evidence of brain plasticity | Talk Video | TED.com

[StressedMess]

Reading this article makes me indescribably sad!

I've just realized recently that I dissociate when something scary happens (generally any sort of confrontation even if I'm not involved in it) and that my younger sister has far more memories of our child/teen years than I do. I guess I've been doing it my whole life!!

Also my two girls, whom I love deeply and tried to be the perfect mom for, were brought up in an environment where they were exposed to domestic violence (not directed towards them, but towards me, which is still scary) and my oldest was SA from 6th grade to 10th grade. We're not sure if the youngest was, still investigating that.

So the article talks about how the abuse affects them, but does anyone know if having one stable, loving caregiver throughout life mitigates some of the harm of abuse?

[StressedMess]

Okay, so now that I've had a while to think over it, I'm still upset. And I've probably upset all of you as well.

Thing is, you do the best you can to raise your kids differently than you were raised, then you realize you've messed them up as bad as or worse than you were messed up. Then you carry around this huge burden of "mother guilt" and second guess every decision you ever made. Then you realize the things you did KNOWINGLY messed them up really bad, and the unconcious things were probably of little consequence. So the things I knew were wrong, but didn't have the spine to put a stop to (CDV), were traumatizing my children more than I was capable of loving them through.

The SA was going on right under my nose for 5 years and my daughter didn't trust me enough to tell me, because she thought I wouldn't believe her, that I would take his side over hers, etc. And the sad truth is, she was probably right. I was so brainwashed by my abusers that I would have believed the sky was green if they said so.

So now that I am free of abusive men, their brainwashing, and responsible for all of my actions throughout both girls life, the article really hit home hard for me.

Sorry for spewing all over you.