[Lady Lindsey]

So I sent a few emails to my T during the week (she doesn't normally respond to them, but it saves us a lot of time discussing the week, because she already knows the drama that is going on in my life, and we can focus on why I am there... which is my past trauma because at this point she knows I refuse to leave my home or my husband).

Itold her how hard a week I had and had almost picked up the phone and made an appointment to see her, several times, but decided not to and tried to handle this one on my own.
She said that was what she was there for was support and I guess I took it as it was ok to call and make an appointment in the future if I needed too, but I really am trying to stay to once a week. I don't want to "need" her if that makes any sense?? She knows I don't' call often for an extra appointment and when I do I really need to talk, and she always finds room for me that day....but... again, I don't want to need her.

We discussed a lot of things I had not been talking to her about (I brought a list) I really thought she didn't like my "desk" My desk is where I hid all my news articles and lock them in drawers and keep them tucked away in my mind and I have felt like a tornado was getting ready to hit and wipe out my desk and then I would be flooded with all these awful secrets.... She assured me that it was ok to keep my desk as long as we worked on each drawer and article one at a time... and I wasn't just using it to stuff and hide things. I am a very visual person and that desk holds all the news articles of a little girl and young women (who I am slowly discovering some may be about me). This desk is in a room in my mind that has a lock on it and only I have a key to the door. It use to be kept my main voice... but now it is mine, because he is gone. (I am still struggling with that one).

It made me feel better to know she was ok with me compartmentalizing as long as we kept working on one drawer at a time...(problem is I don't have the slightest clue how to open some of those drawers) but I didn't share that with her.

We discussed ways I could keep the Chaos of my husbands issues separate from my issues, so I could continue to work on my own and not let his impact me so bad. It is so hard for me to do, but I am slowly learning and this past week was one of the roughest ones I have had with him in a long time.

We discussed some very poor coping skills I used this past week, because I felt like she didn't like me to use my desk, and once again, decided as long as I used my desk constructively and didn't use it to just stuff away my problems and never deal with them, that it was ok to use my desk.

In the meantime, I am getting my new horse tomorrow, so looking forward to bringing Faith home My horses bring me so much joy.

Overall I feel better

[bluekoi]

Lady Lindsey, Sounds like you and your therapist are making progress by dealing with one thing at a time.

I would love to hear more about your new horse. I have two myself.

[VMblue]

I really like how you describe it as a desk. I have a filing cabinet.

[Lady Lindsey]

Got my new horse today. Her name is Faith! She is an 11 year old spotted saddle horse. So now I have a horses named Chance, Faith and Tequila. So I guess you could say take a Chance in life have Faith that it will all work out and if all else fails there is always Tequila.

[SeekerOfLife]

Thanks.

[scarlett129]

i like the way you described the names of your horses