[Swingset321]

Trigger Warning!

Had a talk with my mom and she said that she could make it happen if I wanted to take the opportunity. This opportunity would be to confront my stepfather. I have not seen him for about 5 years now. And I'm just feeling completely numb these days whenever I try to think about anything, even typing this takes effort.

My stepfather was domestically violent/abusive to my mom and I. My stepfather is a White male and my mom is Taiwanese and I am first generation. By my mom's account from the time that they first met (when I was two) he was abusive/violent towards her. She stayed for a multitude of complex reasons, rooted in her own traumatic experiences as a child growing up in a similarly violent/abusive household. Ever since I was young my mom said that she had stayed for me (because I wanted/needed a father) but it was only recently that she admitted she stayed because of her own issues.

We were all alone with him in a community that viewed my mom and I as foreigners. The isolation, violence and abuse continued until I became hospitalized at 12 for anorexia. The years leading up to my hospitalization the violence/abuse became very targeted towards me, my 'dirtiness' and my inherit 'badness.' My three younger (half) siblings were babies, my youngest brother don't know I was hospitalized, and they do not know everything that happened. It took another almost 10 years for my mom to retain full custody of my siblings and then for me to recover fully.

I am now in my mid 20s and my mom says she thinks that this would be a good time to confront him. He's getting old (he is 20+ years older than my mom) and who knows how much longer he has. What if I lose this opportunity to confront him? I don't want to regret not doing this and yet at the same time I need to do this on my own time. I don't know how to feel at this moment and I am just at a loss.

[bluekoi]

Swingset321, Have you discussed how to best go about this with your therapist? You could start by making out a list of the things you would like to say to him. My concern would be that your stepfather will not care how much he has hurt you, your mother and siblings. If you confront him, could he become violent again?