[Capriciousness]

Sorry for all the threads. I feel very overwhelmed dealing with all this. If you didn't see my other threads...I was emotionally abused. My family is all coming this weekend for my son's birthday and I just feel overwhelmed with all the indescribable emotion. And then I feel like is it really so bad? Am I making too big a deal out of it? And then the cycle continues.

My dad is probably narcissistic and an alcoholic and had a covert incest relationship with me.

Therefore my mother and I had a very rocky relationship...critical, jealous, resentful. Stories abound but that is the gist. Things have gotten better with her but she is unpredictable and mercurial and you can't let your guard down.

My sister has always been unwell and difficult and is now cratering. She lost her job, has lost most friends, has lost baby sitting clients,has gained an extraordinary amount of weight, compulsively eats, and seems possibly to be amusing her anxiety meds or something. On top of all of this she is what I think the DSM would define as totally offing weird NOS. She is impossible to handle. Loud, center of attention, inappropriate, needy, and just completely out of sync.

She has always had a "special" relationship with my son but recently as she has gotten worse and worse I am seeing red flags of emotional incest and have begun to work on that.

My son is probably at risk for this kind of thing with my father too. My father is just more distracted and lazy about it. He doesn't necessarily burden my son in the same emotional way my sister does. He just interacts with him in ways that suit him and then drops it. Also working on this.

I just hate it all. I wish I could never see any of them though my mom can actually be a helpful support (not emotional! but like cooking and babysitting). But I hate it hate it hate it hate it hate it hate it hate it. I hate them all. I really do. I hate that I have to deal with all of this ****. I hate that they give me like no respect, they all think I have this perfect life, that I think I am better than them (i do), that I am controlling of the kids, that I am so difficult and selfish etc etc etc. I am just so tired of not being appreciated and in fact being resented for having worked out a beautiful life for myself.

I am also Bipolar and none of them know. But obviously they are super triggering. I work like a dog to keep myself stable and balanced and that involves putting my foot down and erecting boundaries and being firm and they don't like that.

Uuuuuuuuggghhhhhhhhhh

I just needed a place to get my emotions out. I don't know who to talk to about it all right now.

[vonmoxie]

I may have to add the phrase "totally offing weird NOS" to my own vocabulary and repertoire.. hysterical, and just so often accurate... Certainly a good enough casual diagnosis for those with more comorbidity than can be counted on one hand, and at some point I end up not even being sure how much it matters.. Hard enough to manage our own psychological health and that of those who appreciate our presence in their lives.

You're doing the good work, taking the high road, and yeah, it does gets steep and treacherous.

I do wonder though, if you've built a beautiful life for yourself, why keep them in it? Especially if they're going to be so intrusive with their criticisms.. if they're going to accuse you of being difficult and selfish, maybe give them a taste of what that really feels like..

Sorry. I know handling these things can be pretty complicated. I have little patience for antics though, especially from the same family members who made my own childhood hell.

[BLUEDOVE]

Hi Cap,
You are obviously an intelligent woman,but
embroiled in this 'family' of narcissistic 'adult children' who want to control you because you ARE
better than them! Butttt,there may be an unconscious chain keeping you linked to them.
I.E. the child you once were keeping the attachment
in the forlorn hope that MAYBE,just maybe,you
can get the love you never had as a child.
You already know they are toxic,so every day or
moment you allow them to contact you and son,
you and son are exposed to that poison. Which is
YOUR RESPONSIBILITY! The other thing that
occurs,is, perhaps you really don't want to lose a
free baby sitter/helper in your M. Please don't take
offense,I'm trying to cover all eventualities.From
your description,you are NOT making too big a
deal of it, I think you are minimizing it,especially
the tragic incest! Know this; people who care about
you,are CARING and KIND and LOVING---you
are NOT receiving any of that. You will need good
courage to disentangle self and son from such abuse. Or is that a fear for you? Are you afraid to
to stand up to them? Afraid of what they might say
or do? Again,I must use the R word--RESPONSIBILITY . . .yours. Think it over,write a
letter to them without sending it and see what comes out; this will give you some clarity.
Respectfully,
BLUEDOVE