[mimsies]

The summer I turned 8 I was molested by my great uncle while taking a bath during a visit. A few months later, when I was 9, my brother's 14 yr. old high school friend began doing sexual things with me, convincing me that we were bf and gf. The summer I turned 12, when my mom and step father (an emotionally and verbally, and mildly physically abusive man) were on their 2 week honeymoon, a man up the street raped, beat, and tortured me physically, mentally, and sexually- almost killing me several times, in fact he had to perform mouth to mouth to revive me a few times after smothering me with a pillow while he was raping me. I can't describe that week, not right now. I guess I can't really describe any of it, yet.

Finally, almost 8 years ago as I was in the middle of a divorce and in the middle of moving out of my apartment, a man got in and... ... I can't

Kinda terrified to share this.

[*PeaceLily*]

Hi.

Thankyou for sharing. I can relate to some of it.I can relate to some of it in terms of sexual assault/rape, but not the extent of the sexual violence you have been forced to experience I know what you mean about not being able to describe stuff. i think that some tragedies in life are beyond words. Sometimes I open my moth about to say something, and then the futility of trying to express it forces me to just shut my mouth again.

I have experienced similar things in terms of sexual trauma and just traumatic events in general repeatedly. I think some of it is bad luck, but I think some of it is also that trauma weakens someone's defence mechanisms and therefore in manifold ways sets them up for further trauma.

I hope you know that you have been through something truly horrific that was completely not your fault. You are very courageous.

[mimsies]

I... often feel like a freak when talking to other survivors.

*I* NEVER feel snotty like "My pain is worse that your pain." But. I usually DO feel like I can't really share because it was SO warped, demented, violent. And I feel like people will not see me as just another survivor, but like some broken person who must be completely crazy after going through all that... (and honestly, there is more, but that was all I could say).

And I worry about coming off like I think I am some all knowing wise sage because... I don't know how to explain it. But I don't think that, feel that. Mostly I feel like a freak. I FEEL broken, and contaminated and disgusting... and unworthy.

I hope I don't seem... all unlikeable and stuck up now. I'm sorry if I do.

[Bluegrey]

No, you don't seem unlikeable or stuck up. You are very courageous to be able to mention any of this. And no, you are not a freak either. You are dealing with some terrible experiences but they do not define you.

If and when you feel able to share more with us, we will be here for you.


Bluegrey

[mimsies]

Thanks.