[LUTE20]

I mean it's essentially the same act. I always felt like the after effect was more my problem than anything. I hooked up with a man who was 24 when I was 15. He was a teacher at my school. But not my teacher. And I didn't feel that I was in love or anything I wasn't groomed. I was just horny and thought he was hot. I had sex with boys all the time. I have had a high sex drive since about 11 maybe younger. I had had sexual relations with guys since I was 12. I had been considered socially openly gay and everyone knew including adults family well by 15 it was known I dated boys. So I don't really get what the difference was. I never felt taken advantage of I was just fwb I wasn't in love I didn't feel the relationship was anything serious and still don't. But having to be told when things were found out how one should feel is annoying I really didn't like being told I was too stupid/naive to decide for myself. When I did it all the time and I wasn't forced to tell anyone anything. It was my private business. It just sorta pissed me off and was what kind of messed some of my familial relationship which was inevitable. But I had to go to T for the first time which was a chore and a big pain in the ***. It also split me up from some of my friends at my old school and made me have to go to another school. I never socialized well with people I didn't know, I was always a loner. Which made me target for stuff. But I never let it get to me. It just was a new page in my life. But I never understood why an already sexually active person could not have sex with anyone of any age if they already make the choice to do so with people of their own age. I mean if it's abuse wouldn't all sex I had be when I was under 16. Is it just people don't like the idea of it? Like I mean I find teenage boys to be really really unattractive so anyone who does should be put away? But why must someone who does not feel victimized be forced to believe he/she is? For me out of the situation my biggest problem were those who jumped in.

[celtic.starlite]

Hi Lute,
I'm not a parent, so I can't give you that perspective, however, I can share with you my feelings and thoughts. I will be honest, I'm a CSA survivor, so maybe I'm bias, but I am just going to be honest with you.
Any and all sexually activity under the legal age is abuse. They claim that children/teens don't know enough to understand what they are actually doing, while an adult is supposed to. I beat myself up for certain parts of the abuse I went through because I knew it was wrong and I didn't do anything. My story is different because what happened to me was not consentual. In your case, I think, the way people probably look at it is that with the kids your age it was an experiment for you guys. You guys were just trying to figure things out. They probably didn't make it into a big deal because you were teens and teens experiment. With the teacher, I think it was made into a big deal not only because it is illegal and he could be fired and put in jail regardless if you agreed to what was happening or not, but it was also a big deal because in society's eyes, the teacher was/is old enough to understand what he was doing and you were just a teen so you didn't understand (even though it sounds like you did). It is confusing, I know.
Hugs!

Be well,

Celtic

[LUTE20]

Originally Posted by celtic.starlite

Hi Lute,
I'm not a parent, so I can't give you that perspective, however, I can share with you my feelings and thoughts. I will be honest, I'm a CSA survivor, so maybe I'm bias, but I am just going to be honest with you.
Any and all sexually activity under the legal age is abuse. They claim that children/teens don't know enough to understand what they are actually doing, while an adult is supposed to. I beat myself up for certain parts of the abuse I went through because I knew it was wrong and I didn't do anything. My story is different because what happened to me was not consentual. In your case, I think, the way people probably look at it is that with the kids your age it was an experiment for you guys. You guys were just trying to figure things out. They probably didn't make it into a big deal because you were teens and teens experiment. With the teacher, I think it was made into a big deal not only because it is illegal and he could be fired and put in jail regardless if you agreed to what was happening or not, but it was also a big deal because in society's eyes, the teacher was/is old enough to understand what he was doing and you were just a teen so you didn't understand (even though it sounds like you did). It is confusing, I know.
Hugs!

Be well,

Celtic

I know that's what people say. I agree with children it is abuse. But imo 15 isn't very far from 16 and if someone is already sexually active I don't get how it's abuse when it's the same act and all. I just don't get how it would be that I was violated by being with him when I did the same thing frequently with boys my age. I understand that it is assumed a 15 year old doesn't know. But if I didn't know how come it was ok for me to be sexually active with others and make the same decision.

[TheWell]

A teacher having sex with any student is not okay. It doesn't matter if it was that student's teacher or not. There are enough people in the world for that teacher to have relations with. A teacher needs to live to a certain standard and one of those standards is not crossing the line with any student no matter how old they are. This includes a 24 year old teacher and an 18 year old student. Or a 24 year old teacher and a 15 year old student.

[LUTE20]

Originally Posted by TheWell

A teacher having sex with any student is not okay. It doesn't matter if it was that student's teacher or not. There are enough people in the world for that teacher to have relations with. A teacher needs to live to a certain standard and one of those standards is not crossing the line with any student no matter how old they are. This includes a 24 year old teacher and an 18 year old student. Or a 24 year old teacher and a 15 year old student.

I know but I just don't get how I was supposed to be the one who was hurt when I did the same thing with other boys. My mom knew I wasn't a virgin by then it wasn't a big deal many adults knew I was sexually active. He didn't do anything different to me I never felt pressured I actually went after him and got him drunk. Then ****ed him. So I mean I wasn't convinced I was doing the convincing basically. I understand as a teacher that our relationship was inappropriate but I don't get why the big deal when it was obvious it was my idea I wasn't manipulated.

[pinocchio]

Hi! I have to say I relate quite a lot to your story, I was abused (or I should say I played with another boy) when I was 6-7 I think and for a long time I thought what I had done was ok and the real problem was the reactions and the knowledge of potential reactions. Again I experimented with friends at the age of 9-10. I still don't know what's the answer to your question.

[LUTE20]

Originally Posted by pinocchio

Hi! I have to say I relate quite a lot to your story, I was abused (or I should say I played with another boy) when I was 6-7 I think and for a long time I thought what I had done was ok and the real problem was the reactions and the knowledge of potential reactions. Again I experimented with friends at the age of 9-10. I still don't know what's the answer to your question.

Yeah that's how I felt after that really.