Am I in an abusive relationship?

Or am I crazy? Please take a look at what I've experienced in the last twelve years of marriage and tell me if this is abuse? He says I should focus on the positives and not dwell on what's happened in the past, but I feel like he's destroyed me. I made this list earlier - please tell me what you think! Am I making something of nothing?

Earlier in relationship:
Questioning what I spent money on. E.g. Telling me buying a CD was a waste of money (one week into dating).
Not wanting to go out with my friends and making me feel guilty if I wanted to go without him.
When he was offshore for weeks at a time, getting angry if I went to the pub on a Friday night with work friends as this meant I was 'acting like a single woman.'
As time went on:
Not wanting to see my family.
Telling me I had to ask him before making plans to see my family, while he would make plans with his without feeling the need to ask me.
Acting up on days we were seeing me family, to the point where I'd just tell people we were busy as it wasn't worth it.
Disapproving of most of my friends and making a fuss if I went out with them.
Saying 'we need to get you out of that job' as he didn't like my work friends.
Wanting to meet any new friends I made, particularly if there were male colleagues. Wanting to come on work nights out, even if it was 'no partners'.
Deciding how long it should take to complete a task out of the house (e.g. to the supermarket), then getting mad if I took too long. Would then question where I'd been/who I'd been with.
Asking who I'm texting/what I'm doing on my phone.
Lots of questions about male friends, getting more intense as time goes on until I feel the need to break off those friendships. I
Getting mad at me for making mistakes. Or acting like I should be thankful if he didn't get mad when I did something wrong.
Calling me an idiot in front of the kids when I passed him the wrong screwdriver.
Accusing me of flirting with his best friend at a quiz night, then telling me I didn't pay enough attention to him/look at him enough that night.
Arguing with me at night, keeping me awake 'to sort it out'.
Later in marriage:
Telling me I have to say I'm happy and will never leave him at least once a week.
Telling me I'm not grateful enough for his support/everything he does for the family.
Telling me I don't pay him enough attention/touch him enough. Then when I try to do those things he says 'see, why can't you do that more often?'
Making humiliating comments about me in front of friends.
Exaggerating/making up stories about my spending habits and telling them at dinner parties.
Cutting me off mid-sentence at dinner parties.
Making 'jokey' comments about ex girlfriends etc, but would get mad if I so much as mentioned anything similar. Then say I can't take a joke.
Tells me nobody else will make me as happy as he does.
Telling me I'm easily influenced.
Saying I get obsessed by certain ideas and that I've re-written history to make him look bad.
When diagnosed with a heart condition, telling my best friend that she was his backup if anything happened to me.
Saying mine and the kids' lives would be ruined if he died, but if I died, while it would be sad, all he'd need to do would be to hire the cleaner for a few extra hours each week and little else would change.
Getting mad at me for pointing out any of this kind of stuff as I should be grateful for all the good stuff. 'How can you say that when I give you so much support?'

It sounds like emotional and possibly verbal abuse. Be careful and think, because emotional abuse can quickly turn to physical abuse, which can be more or less harmful, depending on the situation, but is certainly more dangerous.

Oh heavens yes he is abusive. Absolutely.

Do you have a therapist?

Here are some of the ways abuse occurs besides physical abuse (click on image to enlarge)