[QuietCalamity]

Yesterday in therapy I brought up the idea of confronting my parents about their abuse. My homework for next time is to write a letter explaining what they did that was hurtful and how it affected me. Then we will go from there to figure out what I want from them now and whether or not I want to actually confront them or not.

Any thoughts or experiences?

*cross posted to psychotherapy forum

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[kaliope]

oh, I could write you a book on this, lol.......

my t and I didn't exactly discuss and plan this the way you are with your t. my t made mention of it off hand and being manic I jumped in and did it and mailed it to my father. t didn't mention the idea of sitting back and considering confrontation and all that.

mine was a 10 page letter getting everything I ever wanted to say off my chest. we agree it was very well written. in it I disowned my father.

after mailing it, I totally freaked out. here I was, the good daughter, and I just confronted my dad and disowned him. this was his fathers day present no less.

this triggered a psychosis. the mania skyrocketed. I had just started meds a few months before and wasn't stable. I ended up hospitalized against my will.

but overall, it was the best thing I could have done for my ptsd. all the hypervigilance and dissociation started going away after that. so except for the whole trip to the loonybin, I think it was a good thing to do.

t had advised against the letter after he brought it up because my ptsd was so bad. I should have listened. lol

[nicoleflynn]

That is called, "Restorative Justice"
---meaning, this is what you did, this is how it made me feel. It matters not what the abuser says, thinks or does....the letter (or confrontation) is for you; I believe it helps take back your power; my t used those words, and I consider them the most important ones I ever heard

[Quarter life]

Good on you QuietCalamity, we all have to do what we need to move forward....and that is the untimate objective. I took back my life by 'total unacknowledgment' of what my abusers did to me. Thought about a letter or 'victim impact statement'.....but turning my back and walking toward a life where they didn't exist was immensely healing for me....they are such scum, that they don't even deserve my wrath.

As nicoleflynn says above, the letter would be only for your peace of mind, not an invitation for them to comment or attempt apologies........How it makes you feel is all that matters.