[mikeynikes]

Hi, I am new here. I wanted to tell my sibling abuse story in hope to get advice on what I can do to get over it.
I am 18 my sister is a couple years older. We used to get get along but we of course still had our moments where we didn't get along like anyone else. I used to look up to my sister, this all changed when she got to yr 8. Before yr 8 she could be quite protective nice but also quite arrogant, pushy, manipulative and critical. Overall we were quite close. It all started over 6 years ago. She was getting a hard time from her friends and took it out on the whole family. Our relationship came quite estranged and were no longer talking. A few months later she would deliberately bump me for no reason. She was quite tomboyish in personality and physically built and strong for a girl. The bumping progressed to her punching and kicking me after she bumped me with my parents coming to the rescue to breaking it up. In 2009 now in yr 7 (start of high school in Aus) we caught the same transport to and from school. She moved schools because she was bullied to an all girls school across the road from the all boys school I went to. On this occasion she arrived at the gate outside the front of my house and tried to lock it behind me. I forced my way through and it turned into a full out brawl of weapons, kicks, biting and verbal abuse. I won the fight which most likely shocked her due to the fact that I was younger and a lot smaller than her and that she had made previous statements that she was stronger. My mum worked less hours then and happened to be home that day to break it up. My dad was interstate for work. I thought that because I beat her at her own game the physical aspect would stop, unfortunately it didn't. My sister is the type of person that is stubborn and will not back down throwing common sense right out the window when others would have backed down long ago. I believed she wanted to be in physical control and rectify her loss. She kept abusing me and if she was not satisfied she would wait until I was vulnerable and strike at me to get revenge. She would also block doorways not move when I needed to get a drink of water, food or go to the bathroom, hogging the TV and not hand it over. This made me also anxious when she was within my presence. I often slept in to avoid these situations, avoid moving around the house. I would often known when she was walking around the house because she made loud foot steps and slammed the doors when entering or exiting the room loudly. Eventually I went through a growth spurt (14) and was bigger than her but the psychological scars were there and when ever we fought I would lash out because of this but at the same time was reluctant to use full force. In 2012 now 16 I decided to get help from a councillor but it didn't get me anywhere. My parents never did anything to solve the problem and my dad often let my sister get her own way. They were both undenied the things that I told the councillor. Both in the past had abused me but they just called it punishment perhaps this partially contributed to the the fights I had with my sister. On one occasion she called the police on me for defending myself and played the victim card to manipulate them. Fortunately these cops didn't by into the situation and dismissed both of us. She also manipulate my cousins to ignore me. Early last year the most serious of series of events happened. I was on my way to the toilet when she bumped me and got into the bathroom. I went and tried to push her out my parents sided with her saying she would be quick needed to go out but I had would have gotten to the bathroom if she didn't shove me. As usually she physically abused me but I managed to push her out and because she didn't get her way she called the cops. However, this time she put an intervention order against me and I had to go to court a number of times. My dad was particularly embarrassed because he is a lawyer and works in the courts on a regular basis. I was made out to be a violent person taking advantage of a women. Ultimately the truth came out a I applied a cross intervention order and she was forced to drop the case as my parents forced her to move out as she was 18 and the cops stopped supporting her. I was relieved but every now and then she would come to the house to drop the car off until eventually we got another car. When she did come to the house she didn't try avoid bumping me but I knew better than to create another court scene which wasted a lot of my parents money. She has not been back to the house for over a year now, she chooses to go to my gym instead of going to gyms closer to where she lives for some reason which annoys me. I have devolved anxiety over this which has leaked into other areas in my life which in turn has lead to depression. I have gone to councillors, psychologists and psychiatrists for solving my problems/medication but I was wondering on advice to move on from the bad experiences?

Ps- I remember the bad memories when ever I see her at the gym (I think a fight may break out even though I know it's unlikely but I still get anxious).

[sideblinded]

Hi mikeynikes

Welcome to psych central!

I see this is your first post. We would love to have you get formally welcomed to the site and give you some pointers on how to navigate this site in the new member introductions forum. I hope you come over to say hello. The link is below.

New Member Introductions - Forums at Psych Central

I am so sorry to hear about your sibling difficulties and how anxious all of this makes you feel.

A pointer for you. You will get more comments from others if you keep your posts a little shorter. This has been my experience here.

I wish you the best and I hope to see you around!

[andy2664]

I'm from USA, and laws are different. I was wondering about the intervention order. Is that still in effect or were they both dismissed? Also, how long have you been under medical treatment (psychiatrist/psychologist)?

Very sorry to hear you have had such a tough relationship with your sister. One suggestion might be to find a different gym, but that might feel like you're punishing yourself. If you were in counseling before turning 18, were your parents ever involved in that? Would it be possible to get them to come to a counseling session with you now? Perhaps resolving some of your conflict with them would help? At the very least, you could benefit from them truly understanding how much the situation is bothering you.

[Buttercup40]

Hi Mikey,
Reading your post, I can relate to you, I too have suffered abuse from my older sister, some of the things you mentioned I had happen to me also. I've got ongoing issues and even though I haven't seen her in 3 years, she has still managed to be abusive in telephone calls, texts and letters.

Welcome to PC and I hope we can help each other.