[PianogirlPlays]

Guilty , respetitive, painful thoughts that hurt on the inside . Help, this is inner self abuse. I struggle with if I do something I think probably is wrong and then beat myself up trying not to repeat it. Punishment ! Mostly I am trying to comfort myself with something like food . Guilty , guilty , guilty. It hurts as the punishment makes it so much worse. I was abused as a child. Hurt for perceived wrongs. Now I am hurting me.

[kaliope]

so think of the compassion you would have for a child such as yourself. hurt and abused. show that compassion to yourself.

[Allyson01]

I was raped as a teenager. My mother would not believe me. I felt like a balloon about ready to burst. I had to do something to ease my pain. I learned how to crochet and started writing poetry. When you write poetry, you can vent your feelings which in turn will help to relieve stress. It would be good to find a craft that you enjoy. Let your mind and feelings be consumed by concentration on your project. When your project is complete there is a feeling of success. Reward yourself as you are well deserving!

I do allot of this as well. As my signature statement below says, in my tradition demons are accepted with compassion.

[PianogirlPlays]

Thanks for caring . I feel so battered .

[breakingfree88]

I'm right there with you..when something happens, maybe I think someone is upset with me, or I've done something that hurt someone's feelings or maybe something just isn't going the way I want it to go...I start the self-loathing. I truly feel hatred towards myself, wish I could just disappear, tell myself how horrible I am, beat myself up for all the bad things I've ever done in my life, I have these illusions that everyone is better off without me. My "teacher" tells me it's time to deal with it, so when those feelings come into my mind, I'm suppose to "sit with it", "find out what it wants" "talk to it" find the first memory I have of when I started hating myself. I'm still learning how to do this as sometimes it doesn't make sense especially when I'm in the middle of one of these situations. I've been told, that we have to be non-judgmental when we have those feelings, to treat myself with loving kindness and give myself space to allow those thoughts into my mind, accept responsibility for them and then let them pass on through. It's a tough situation. But when he is talking to me or texting me during these times and he is guiding me into my breathing and focusing on the thoughts, the guilt and shame and self-loathing do disappear. Sometimes it takes awhile, but I have to continue breathing through it....Last night, I quoted this "I accept that I have chosen to be a victim, and since I realize it was MY choice, and now that I'm aware of that choice, I now choose to free myself of the guilt and shame and live a happy and healthy and vital life." When I did that, I felt better. It still takes a lot of practice but it's a step for me.

[PianogirlPlays]

I think indeed it might be important to remember the start. It is important to comfort myself. I am struggling communicating my struggles . It is hard to find an outlet for all that is inside. I will try to breathe and hopefully let it go.

[PianogirlPlays]

It is sad that there are so many fusses. One here one there. Each of them feel terribly hard on me.